The Monkey Attacked Me

Not really here...

2007-09-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest. I rarely even update this thing anymore. Most of my posting takes place on my LiveJournal account.

If you are still interested in me and what's going on in my crazy world, you should go there.

Me at LiveJournal

Misadventures in Intrusion Alarms

2007-05-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

So, around 8:20 this evening, lightning struck somewhere very near my apartment causing my electricity to blink. Now, my electricity has gone off before, and it is no big deal. And this time, it was a split second and everything was back on. The TV was still on. The DVR picked up playing How I Met Your Mother at the exact same spot. Everything seems fine. However, I hear firetrucks nearby. I can see their lights through my blinds. At first I choose to ignore them and continue reading my Flist and watching HIMYM. Then I begin to consider that maybe it was something in my complex that was on fire. Perhaps I need to evacuate or at least panic about my car. So, like any nosy neighbor, I step out onto my balcony. I am met with the high pitched sound of my intrusion alarm. It somehow was activated in the electricity blip. This would not be a problem if not for the fact that I don't know the code for it. I never activate it for this reason. I futilely press buttons. That doesn't work, obviously, so I grab my phone and a book and go outside and call the office. I leave a message on the emergency line telling them what happened and to please call with instructions. It has been several deafening minutes at this point. I can't read because I can still faintly hear the alarm even outside. I wait. I call friends to share my misadventure with only DeliciousDish answering the call and getting to laugh at my newest misadventure. I get off the phone with her and wait. And wait. And wait. I wait for ten minutes to pass after my first call. I call again. I don't even get the message. The phone just rings, picks up and goes to dead silence. Guess I am not the only one having problems. Then suddenly, the alarm stops. Relieved, I go back inside hoping to be able to watch Heroes. A minute later, the siren returns. My ears want to bleed. I return to the outside. I call again. Same silence greets me. What to do? So, I wait for the next break in the alarm (I have deduced it is every 15 minutes). I decide I will just unhook the alarm speakery thing. I pull up one of my kitchen chairs and climb up to inspect the alarm speakery thing. It has a cover like a light switch, so I deduce that its electrical setup is probably similar, meaning two wires connecting it. I can handle that. So, I get on my chair and start to work. I should probably mention at this point that I grabbed the rickety chair. But I only have a minute window, so I will just have to distribute my weight away from the faulty leg. I get the screws off the outside cover, but before I can pry the facing off, the alarm returns. I jump off the rickety chair and flee the noise once more. What to do? What if the cover won't come off? What if I have to find somewhere to stay tonight because I can't turn my alarm off. I would like to say that I have considered throwing the breaker so everything will reset and just dealing with this in the morning. But Heroes is still recording at this point with only 12 minutes to go. I REALLY want to see it, so I will save breaker throwing for 9:00. The Riches will repeat at 10, so no biggie there. The alarm is like making my ears want to bleed, even from outside. I know my downstairs neighbor HAS to hear. I am sure EVERYONE can. I must do something. So, I make a break for it, duck inside, climb onto the rickety chair, cover the speaker with one hand while I attempt to pry off the cover with the other. Even with my hand muffling the sound, I can still hear it, and my chair is groaning and creaking and sure to give way at any moment. FInally, I get the cover off. I pull out the speaker and inspect the situation. The setup is just as I suspected -- one red and one black wire screwed into the mechanism. I give it a firm jerk hoping the wires will come lose. No such luck. Because the alarm IS going off, I am hesitant to use my metal screwdriver on the active wires. And since no one has apparently recognized the need for plastic tools, I decide cutting the wire will be my only choice. So, I grab the wire cutters that oddly enough were on top of my DVR. After several panicked attempts, I am finally blessed with silence. Sweet silence. Sure, my alarm speaker is now hanging out of my wall by the still attached red wire, but there is sound no more. Tomorrow, I will look into reattaching the black wire, but for now, I am basking in the sweet, sweet silence.

ETA: A building in my complex was struck by lightning which is what set off this whole series of events.

ETA2: The maintenance guy did finally come by last night after I made this post. He looked at me like I was insane, gave me the code and just stared at the speaker hanging out of my wall. He then pointed out that I could have just taken the cover off the alarm and disabled it that way. I pointed out that I didn't KNOW that was an option at the time and was just trying to make the noise stop. Since the noise was coming from the speaker, in my mind, that was the logical place to start.

England Trip - Part 2

2007-02-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

Alright, on to Part Two of the trip now.

On Tuesday, after a brief stint in Norwich to visit YayCoffee, see the castle and a do a bit of shopping, we continued on to London, sans YayCoffee.

On to Part 2...

We got into London kind of late-ish. Did I mention that England closes at like 5. Why would no one mention that to me? Basically just bars and restuarants open after 5. Puts a real damper on maximizing the hours in your day.

Anyway, so we arrive at Victoria Station finally after a mix-up on whether we needed to be on the eastbound or westbound train. To be fair, we were in the north/south bend. That is always confusing to me. But finally we get where we needed to be. We exit the tube and proceed to get completely turned around. I KNEW I should have brought a compass but was told that was foolish. Turns out that our hotel was EXTREMELY easy to get to once you determined exactly which side of the station you were on and which was was indeed north. I think having the Atlantic on the west really screwed with my interal compass.

Victoria Station

Out of focus double decker buses

We stayed at the Elizabeth Hotel which was also nice and roomier than expected. Does anyone know what is up with the Brits and their crazy obsession with doors? There were so many doors in the hotel! You would walk by two rooms and then have to go through another door to get to the next set. And there were crazy pathways and hidden stairways. It was a bit like being in the Clue house without all the inconvenient murdering. But one of the passageways did plop you out right in front of the kitchen which made me giggle. Apparenly you have one little fire that destroys 85% of your city, and you get paranoid.

Once we got settled and found the closest restuarant (which was, of course, a sandwich shop. You couldn't escape them!), then Dinah and I went on a Jack the Ripper walk. The walks were some of my favorite things to do. It was like being IN the History Channel. So fun! It was really cool being at all the murder sites and hearing the stories. However, the spastic English weather was in full effect, so despite it being a bit warm when we went to dinner, by the time we got to the place to meet our guide, it was quite cold and rainy. We were shocked by how many people braved the weather to go on a mid-week walk.

We arose the next morning and headed off on a city tour aboard a double decker bus. Let me tell you, New York City cabbies seem cautious compared to these guys. I was actually thrown from my seat and into Taryn at one point.

Buildings along the Thames

Buildings on The Strand?

Really Old Building 13

You might have noticed that label below that last pic. Yeah, I have no idea what a MAJORITY of the buildings actually are. In my next post, I will be having an "Identify this Really Old Building/Statue" contest.

After the scary, wet tour, we headed to Westminster Abbey which was just.... amazing. It was incredible. Knowing its history and being surrounded by all of the memorials and sculptures was just incredible. And, I learned that the English apparently don't have that walking across graves thing that some of us do. Is that a Southern thing? Anyway, like I said, amazing!

Westminster Abbey

Westminster Abbey

Westminster Abbey

Next, Taryn and her friend Rick Steves planned a little walk around the Westminster area for us. We checked out Big Ben, House of Parliment, the Texas Embassy (left over from when Texas was its own country, but now is really just a Tex-Mex restuarant), and Trafalgers Square.

Big Ben

London Eye

Me and the Eye. See, I WAS actually there. This will be the only picture of me you find. :)

Taryn and Ben

Texas Embassy

Trafalger's Square...not a great picture though

We headed back to meet up with Dinah and get some dinner. We went to this place called Jenny Lo's Teahouse. It was Chinese food with a Vietnamese twist. Pretty good, great prices. Then we went back to the hotel to rest up from our busy day and caught some of the Brit Awards on the telly. Oh, Oasis. Just. Wow. Um... Yeah. I was sad Lily didn't win. She didn't seem pleased either.

I like your shoes, Lily!

The next day, Taryn and I headed over to the Tower of London which I also loved. What? It was super cool. I wish I had gotten to see more torture devices though. Just in case you were wondering, the Tower is well stocked for the coming zombie wars.

Anyway, we did the Beefeater tour. Our Beefeater was a bit difficult to understand. You had to really focus. Let your mind wander in the least and you completely missed whatever he said.

Tower of London

Tower, again

Jewel Tower

Armory. Perfect for zombie attacks.

The Tower also provided a nice view of other sites nearby. I don't really know the names of the buildings, obviously, but the Gerkin and that really old building were quite interesting to see right next to each other.

The Gerkin and Really Old Building 19

Tower Bridge

Then we walked over the St. Paul's Cathedral. Absolutely breathtaking. I probably spent more time there than anywhere. Just WOW. The architecture, the history, everything was amazing. The ceilings were unbelievable. The amount of work that went into it is just mind-boggling. It was one of the few places I actually WANTED the audio tour so I could learn more. I have no pictures from inside because I am not a BRATTY RULE BREAKER unlike some other visitors that day. The signs did not say no photos unless you really, really want one. They said NO PHOTOS. Grr... Some people.

St. Paul's Cathedral

After St. Paul's I headed over to Chinatown to look around, thinking perhaps I would strike backpack gold in another Chinatown (I have a black leather backpack that I use all the time which I got in Chinatown in 1995. Yeah, it's a little beat up and worn out). I walked around that area, then around Leicester Square and Piccadilly Circus. Ooooh, I got to see the big Equius poster. Hot!

Chinatown

Equius or Naked!Harry Potter

British theatre is more exciting than American theatre

Piccadilly Circus (would have been a better night picture)

By that point, I was losing light and needed to get back to the room to meet up with YayCoffee. We all headed over to Embankment for dinner as we were going on another walk that night and needed to meet up with the guide. It was an Alleyways, Apparitions and Ale walk. SUPER cool. We didn't see any ghosts, but the stories were quite interesting anyway. I learned that the grass in St. James's Park is so green because it is a mass burial site for plague and fire victims. Fascinating. Oooh, and we think we found Sting's apartment! He wasn't home. Darn.

The next day was our last real day in London. Taryn and I headed over to Buckingham Palace to check things out. Sadly, we didn't get to see the changing of the guards. Apprarently they are changed less frequently in the winter months. I thought the Victoria Memorial/Monument was really cool. I do love a good fountain. Then we walked through St. James's parks where I informed Taryn that there were dead people everywhere.

Buckingham Palace

St. James's Park

Victoria Memorial

There was this castley type thing that we could see but not identify. I thought maybe St. James's Palace. Dunno. Anywho, from that point, we headed over to Oxford Street to do a spot of shopping. We hit H&M and Top Shop. I got a couple of really cute shirts, earrings and a purse. Oh, and a scarf. Sandy tells me it is a boy scarf, but I choose to disagree. First, it has a pink stripe. Second, it is NOT a manly fabric. Third, I saw a WOMAN wearing the EXACT same scarf. I wanted photographic evidence, but Taryn said no. Anwway, it was totally a girl's scarf.

We spent the rest of the day just sort of roaming around. We had wanted to try to get tickets to a show, but nothing we wanted to see had discounted tickets. Then we met up with the other girls and hung out and prepared for our journey home the next day.

Name that Really Old Building or Castle

Our flight left at 10 a.m. on Saturday, so we were up quite early to head out. By this point, my calves were a just giant knots of muscle. So bad that it actually HURT to walk. I tried to stretch, but it was not helping. I also was quite congested which meant that my ears were clogged...the...entire...flight. They didn't pop until sometime on Sunday. Quite annoying.

The flight home wasn't too bad either. Good movies. I had lots of stuff to read and ended up staying up the whole time.

So, that concludes the tales of my England adventure. Nothing really wacky happened. No mishaps. That is kind of unusual for me. I wasn't attacked by any wildlife at all. I am still a little drained, but it was definitely worth it. I would love to go back and see all the things I missed. Because of time constraints, I didn't make it to any museums. So those would be great to see. And I would like to have some more time to just wander and maybe relax a bit more.

If you would like to see more of my photos from the trip, check out my Flickr.

England Trip - Part 1

2007-02-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

Alright! I am back from England and finally ready to do The Post.

We took off from DFW to Gatwick at about 7:00pm on Friday. Our flight was not crowded at all. This totally rocked because it meant that we all got our own row to stretch out in and sleep for the flight over. A combo of industrial strength earplugs, an iPod and a muscle relaxer provided me with a pretty sound sleep meaning we were not completely exhausted when we got there.

The flight was good for the most part. We had the obligatory screaming child. I should have known she was trouble when I noticed her jumping up and down in the seat as we were loading the plane. I should have slipped her a Benadryll laced gummy bear right then. She proceeded to throw quite an impressive, loud, LONG, scream-filled tantrum for about 45 minutes followed by a 30 minute sobbing wind down. Everyone was pretty much like GIVE HER WHATEVER SHE WANTS. After my offers of Junior Vicodin were turned down, I shoved my ear buds in as far as they would go and turned up my Relaxing Music For The Plane Mix and tuned her out.

Finally she did calm down and sleepy time arrived for all the passengers. It was nice. Well, as nice as sleep on a plane can be. In fact, one minute, it seemed like we were over the middle of the Atlantic, the next I was being prodded awake for breakfast.

Then, we finally got off the plane, claimed our luggage and attempted to call YayCoffee. The pay phones were not very cooperative as you could not just enter a calling card number, you had to insert the actual card. And of course, we did not have one on our persons. And, of course, every place in the airport seemed to be sold out. Finally we managed to call her after much gnashing of teeth. We got on an incredibly crowded tube filled with young rugby hooligans. Well, maybe not exactly hooligans. But they were young and going to a rugby match. There was a possibly insane lady on the train briefly, but I am pretty sure she comes standard on every train and bus around the world.

Sandy on the train to Bath

We met up with YayCoffee in London and proceeded on to Bath (or Baaaaaaaaath, as the Brits say and mock you for pronouncing otherwise). We checked into the hotel and dropped our bags of at the largest hotel rooms in England. Seriously? The one that Taryn and Dinah were in was large by AMERICAN standards. If ever you are in Baaaaaaath, I highly recommend the Parade Park Inn, Room 30.

The Parade Park Inn

View from room

Garden across from hotel<

We headed over to a pub called Sam Weller's and had some pints. By the way, that would be the first drink I'd had in about six weeks. So yeah, I got TRASHED. I did have 5 pints that night over a 7 hour period. But seriously, I was feeling it after one and half.

Dinah at Sam Weller's

Warning label

Bath Abbey at night

On Sunday morning, I awoke with a touch of a hangover. After a little purging and a LOT of Advil, we headed down for our first of MANY English Breakfast. Don't know what an English Breakfast is? Well, it is fried egg, bacon (of more of a Canadian style), bland sausage, mushrooms, half a tomato, and BEANS. Yes. And they will totally put the beans on your plate to taint the other foods unless order to hold off on the beanage.

Full English Breakfast

Seriously, I feel a little nauseated just looking at it. Anyway, after breaking our fasts, we headed to the Roman Baths and the Museum of Costumes. The Baths were really amazing and made me wish I could afford to do the actual Bath spa vacation thing. The water was a little greener than I would choose for my own bath, but those Romans are crazy cats.

The Museum of Costume was really neat. I got to try on "real" corsets. I felt I could have gone tighter, but there was no bedpost to grab on to. But the dresses were really fascinating. Learning about the history of the different dress styles and the reasons behind them was really interesting. But I am a nerd like that. By the way, there was a pimp suit in the fashions of the seventies. HOT!

Roman Baths

Bath Abbey

Bath

After lunch, we headed to Stonehenge which I was SUPER excited about since I didn't think we were going to be able to fit in. I guess my friends could not resist my sad, puppy dog eyes. I wouldn't say that it felt mystical or magical, but it was kind of humbling to be looking at something so old and mysterious. The sheer size of the stones was absolutley amazing. It was as tall as I expected, but it always seemed wider in pictures. But still it was awesome. If you look through the images in chronological order on my Flickr, you will notice a great variance in the sky between the photographs. You would think it was over many, many hours. Nope, one single hour. It was a bone-chilling cold with winds whipping across the fields. It started off a little drizzly and overcast. A third of the way around, the skys began to clear almost completely. By the time we were finished there were the briefest of snow flurries, followed by a short shower, then a HUGE rainbow. Crazy.

Stonehenge

Stonehenge

Stonehenge

Stonehenge Rainbow

The following day, we headed to Norwich to check out YayCoffee's stomping ground. Norwich was not quite the small fishing villiage filled with cottages that I was anticipating. Really people, learn the difference between a small CITY and a small TOWN. Pineland? Small TOWN. It has under a thousand people. It has one school, one grocery store and two restuarants, one of which is a Dairy Queen. Norwich? Small CITY. It has MALLS. Plural. It has a freaking castle. And an airport if I am not mistaken. CITY. Anyway, it was pretty neat. Dinah and Taryn stayed at this B&B across from an uber-creepy burnt out church and abandoned hospital.

Creepy Abandoned Hospital

Creepy Burnt-Out Church that would NOT appear any brighter in pics. I think the Winchesters need to investigate this obviously haunted church.

We visited the Norwich Castle which I felt could be a little more informative about its origins. Or maybe I should have read the plaques better. Whatevs.

Norwich Castle

Norwich City Centre

Alright, so that covers Saturday through Monday. I will cover the rest of the trip in part 2.

If you would like to see all the photos check out my Flickr

Gift Cards

2006-12-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

We love them. We hate them. Well, we hate them when they are to stores that we either never frequent or that we do not have access to. I have received two gift cards that fall into that later category. One to Hastings and one to this store called Baskin's. They sell western wear. Yeah. Fantastic. Exactly what I need. Seriously. Why buy me a gift card to THAT store? It was out of my aunt's way. Why not buy me a Wal-Mart gift card. At least I could use that for buying a new card for my camera or a new DVD player. And Hastings? While I do love some movies, books and music, there are two problems with Hastings: there are none that I know of in Dallas and they are horrifically overpriced.

But all is not lost. I found a fabulous website called CardAvenue. You can list unwanted gift cards on the site and trade them for something more fitting. I am hoping I can score something to Best Buy, Fry's, Target or Wal-Mart. I will settle for a Borders card though.

Anyway, just thought I would share the word.

Music

2006-12-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

Listening to Pavarotti while working makes my designing seem so much more dramatic.

Will MAV finiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish this screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?
The screen must beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeteeeeeed.

Finish the screeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
Finish the screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
!Finiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish the screeeeeen.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy does this program not wooooooooooork?Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
My heart breaks because the program is getting an errrrroooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerror.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEerror.
EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeRRRorrrrrrrrrrrr!

I cannooooooooooooot gooooooooo oooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn.
The proooooooooooooooograaaaaammmmmmm has faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed.
I shall plunge this hiiiiiiiiiighlighter into my heaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAArt.
The prograaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam haaaaaaaaaaaaaas FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaiiiiiiiiiled!

Funny sign

2006-11-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

I saw this on my way home yesterday, and it just made me smile. BTW Crime Alert. Oh, by the way, someone is robbing my house. Oh, by the way, someone stole a car. Oh, by the way, I think that guy might have killed my puppy. I don't know. It was really funny in my head.

Rudeness

2006-11-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

We live in a rude society. Something about the lack of personal interaction we have with others combined with politeness and manners not being valued anymore has turned the world rude. I feel that the internet has given people a license to be as rude and nasty as they wish without fear of consequence. The things people post on message boards and forums can be down right nasty. How about a "please" or a simple "I disagree" instead of the curt "do this now" and "you are stupid if you think that." Tack that onto the complete lack of respect that These Kids Today have for anyone or anything and you are left with a world that baffles me sometimes.

Take 15 minutes ago for instance. I went to Wal-Mart to obtain some cough medicine. I am in front of the plethra of cough sypups, pills and strips attempting to decide which best fits my needs all while standing at a respectable distance to both allow others to pass by as well as view all my options with ease. This teenager and her mother walk in front of me AND STAY THERE. I was obviously standing there, looking at the items before me. And they STOOD IN FRONT OF ME. I made a bit of a production in my efforts to peer around them. Each time I took a step on way to pick up an item, they would move in front of me. Quite irritating.

Finally, I make my cough suppressing choices and head toward the registers with my booty. I stopped at the end of the aisle to pick up a magazine, clearly in line and approaching the register when they WALK IN FRONT OF ME AND BEGIN CHECKING OUT. I went to another lane and made my purchases. After being decreed actually ill and not a meth cook by the cold medicine police and setting off the alarms for some unknown reason, I finally got to my car and made an attempt to exit the parking lot. There is a light at the exit of the Wal-Mart. I do not pull directly behind the truck in front of me to wait for the green light as the incoming traffic will want to turn AND I AM NICE. The light changes and as I start to exit, a car pulls in front of me, almost causing me to miss my opportunity to make the incredibly short green light. Who was it? THE RUDE DUO!!! THEN, they proceeded to drive half a block straddling two lanes making it impossible to get around them. RUDE!!!

Old person

2006-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

Not to sound like an old person or anything, but back in my day, I could buy a dozen tortillas from Taco Cabanda for $1.07. Today, I paid $1.22 for 6. Ridiculous!

Indian Thriller

2006-11-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Thriller revamped, Bollywood style.

90210

2006-11-07T07:36:00.000-08:00

I am so excited this morning because of I am the proud owner of this:

and this:

Hooking up with the hot girl, wrecked Corvettes, nose jobs, fake id's, banana daquaris, shoplifting accusations, loner surfers, lost cars, slutty ex-girlfriends, grade curves, addict mothers, criminal fathers, unfortunate die jobs, teen mothers, sky diving, slumber parties, tv roles, student elections, SATs, abandoned dogs, little league teams, deflowering, pregnancy scares, wearing the same dress! I can't wait to relive these awesome, yet innocent times.

Michael J. Fox

2006-10-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

I don' t know how many of you have seen this yet, but it is a political ad by Michael J. Fox. It is a little hard to witness how badly his Parkinsons has gotten. Worse than the video is Rush Limbaugh's statements about the commercial.

Responding to Michael J.Fox’s commercial for Missouri Senate Challenger Claire McCaskill, radio host Rush Limbaugh said, “He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act. If this was not an act, then I apologize”

Michael’s spokeswhore is outraged and said, “It’s an appalling, sad statement. Anybody who understands Parkinson’s disease knows it’s because of the medicine that one experiences involuntary movements like those Fox shows in the commercial.”

Seems like maybe someone forgot to take their Oxycontin.

2006-10-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

Shannen on BO in the USA

So, I am trying to decide if she knew this was happening (the show that is) and just didn't know what the gift would be, or if she really had no idea what was going on at all. Because if so, she handled that much better than I would have.

They must be stopped

2006-10-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so my work must be stopped.

This morning I came in to a bag of Halloween candy on my desk with a freaking CHAIN letter telling me I have to buy a gift for three other people by tomorrow. Grrr...... I am all for work being fun, but this is just too much. I don't want to buy candy for three people. I don't want to have to sneak it onto their desks.

This just makes me really fear Christmas. I bet they will make us do Secret Santas. I might have to quit or become Jewish. I just know there is some lotion set I will never use in my future. Then I am going to feel guilty when I inevitably chuck it in the trash.

Why can't I just come in and peacefully check my email and blogs in the morning instead of getting hit by the freaking candy chain mail?

Fair

2006-10-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

Our work went to the State Fair yesterday. Fun! AND it was not nearly as lame as I thought it would be. Let me back up...

My work has a tendancy to make us do these awful "getting to know you," ice-breaker activities. Like at the Christmas party last year, we had to make antelers out of pantyhose and balloons. Lame! I mean, here we are all dressed up, some people have brought their spouses or significant others (The Diva and I went together because we share the faux-lesbian love), and then we are forced to participate in a silly team building exercise. Yes. Antelers out of ponytails. I mean, I am all for game playing, but how about some charades or pictionary or Taboo or Outburst or something that grown-ups play. So, point being, I was worried about this fair trip as I had intel that it would be a team building/getting to know you experience. But, while it got off to a rocky start what with the initial hat-wearing humiliation, overall it was good.

One of the fun things we did was "Fair Food Bingo" which necesiated consuming lots of crazy foods. While I shall never know if the Fried Mac and Cheese lives up the hype, I can say for certain that the Fried Peanut Butter, Jelly and Banana sandwich was worth the hunt.

I think that what the fair really needs is a specialized food map. Burgers, corn dogs (except the Fletchers), cotton candy, caramel appples...those things are pretty common and shouldn't be on the map. But I want to know exactly where the fried snickers bars are. And where is the fried cosmo? What about the fried oreos? And the Mexican chocolate? I need to know where to find those things. Because after 3 trips through the Midway, I was still without those things.

The Move

2006-10-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am all moved into my new apartment. I have to put the final touches up, but otherwise, everything is done. All the boxes unpacked. Everything in its (general) place. I know I looked at this apartment several times before leasing it, but I keep discovering new things I LOVE about it.

1) The kitchen is HUGE! HUGE I SAY! It is so awesome. I am going to have to buy stuff to put on the counters cause there is that much space. There are cabinets and drawers that have nothing in them right now. My last apartment had ONE double door upper cabinet, one super skinny cabinet, one small cabinet and the over the stove cabinet. That was it. And 2 drawers. So, needless to say, I had majorly streamlined my kitchen equipment. And now, I actually have space to put everything. I might even go out and buy a Kitchenaid mixer just because I have room for it.

2) This one is important...It is peaceful. I face the parking lot, so I do hear that noise somewhat, but it is very muffled. I can totally tune it out. I don't even have to sleep in earplugs. I think the carpeting makes a world of difference. Although, the floors are really creaky. I am glad I am not on the bottom floor. I try to tiptoe, but still, the creaking happens. Plus, I only share one wall with other people, and that is the wall that the fridge, pantry, bathroom and washer/dryer are on, so really, I hear nothing from the other side. Sweet.

3) The bathroom is big. I mean, it isn't as gigantic as some apartments I viewed, but it is sizeable. Lots of counter space in this room too.

4) Light. There is so much light. I realize how dark my old place was now that I am in this one. At first, I worried that the lack of overhead lighting in the living room would be problematic, but I was wrong. The patio window lets in tons of natural light which totally kicks overhead light's ass.

5) Did I mention the space? First, lots of closet space. Two walk in closets JUST in my bedroom. You know how a lot of apartments have outside storage in a closet on the patio? I have that, only the door to it is inside. So, awesome. No bugs or spiders getting in there. And, I have vaulted ceilings and a pass through bar thingy from the kitchen to living room. So those things combined with the open dining area make my living room seem really spacious.

6) Covered parking. I can't wait to have people over. I might have a game night or a wine and cheese night soon.

7) The movers! The HOT movers. Yes, my movers were like a gift from the gods. First, they were 5 minutes early. Second, they were hot! This guy Jason started his own moving business, so it was just him and another hottie. Cute, tanned, muscular boys. What a way to start the day. If I had known how pretty they would be, I would have put on some makeup and like brushed my hair or something. They were on time (early, actually). They were efficent. They were friendly. They just rocked. If you are moving in Dallas in the near future, let me know. I will give you their cards. They are very reasonable and work really hard and fast. Cause they have other things to do on their Saturday besides slacking off on some move job.

Now, things that went wrong this weekend.

1) My family kind of drives me nuts. 'Nuff said.

2) My former apartment manager drives me nuts. First, she wanted to do a "walk through" of the apartment with me. Has anyone done this on move out? Not me. Not in more than 12 years of apartment living. Anyway, so I get everything moved out and cleaned. I called her when I was on my way to get the last of my things. She told me to call when I was ready to leave. So I did. She wasn't there. Well, I needed to get the stuff out of the fridge and to the new place, but I didn't want to have to drive all the way back down to the old place once I had gotten back to the new place. So, I dropped in on Special T, and we went out for lunch. Over an hour and half passes from the time of my last call and still nothing. I am irritated to say the least. I just want to be done with this apartment. So, I leave a message saying that I couldn't wait any longer and had left the keys with my neighbor. So happy to be done with that place. I wonder if Virginia will ever realize that the shoddy management is the reason why only two units in the complex are occupied (one is occupied by her daughter).

3) Rain.

4) Dish Network called to let me know they were at my apartment (they were supposed to call BEFORE they came as I was between the two places all day). I said I would get there as quickly as possible, but it would take about 15 or 20 minutes. By the time I got there, they were gone. So, I call Dish. I am told that the guy waited as long as he could, but anyway, the satellite couldn't be set up on my balcony anyway as the dish must face southwest. I pointed out that this would have been good information to have from the beginning as my apartment faces southwest. Grr. So, DirecTV will be coming out later this week.

5) No cable. See above. But seriously, it is kinda boring with no TV or internet. Fortunately, I just came from letting the internet guy come to set things up. Yay internet!

Bad Altoids

2006-10-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

I bought a tin of peppermint Altoids that was filled with spearmint Altoids. Not the same thing! Not even close! Boo!

Thought

2006-10-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

I feel there really isn't enough cowbell.

Motorcycles

2006-10-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

Motorcycles are rude.

They are. They are far too loud. It is just wrong. I really dislike the thunderous vocalization of endowment disrupting my peaceful Sunday afternoon reading.

Rude!

Horrific Lunch

2006-10-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

So, on my way back from lunch, I was stopped at an intersection, waiting to turn right. I was looking left, waiting for a break in traffic. All of a sudden, I see this squirrel barrelling across a yard, headed toward the busy street. Immediately, I knew what was going to happen. The squirrel hit the tire of a van, both going full speed. The squirrel was propelled backward onto the shoulder. I screamed inside my car. The poor squirrel, he just wanted to get across the road with his acorn booty. Even worse, traffic continued to stream past us forcing me to see him suffering though his death twitch. The twitch lasted a full 2 minutes! It was an awful site to behold, and I felt my little black heart begin to melt and tears begin to pool in my eyes.

Bad lunch!

New apartment

2006-10-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have found a new apartment. I am nervous. I am worried my stuff won't fit. I am worried that it is too small. I am worried that I have moved too far away from all of my friends.

But, I love the complex. It is pretty. It is really nice. I am going to the Trinity Square Apartments in Addison. The area is really nice. There are no lower than 5 sushi restuarants in a 5 mile radius.

I am just nervous that I chose the place out of desperation. I mean, it is a nice place. I just don't know that it is perfect. And, I don't know where in the world I am going to put all of my stuff.

Oh well, I guess I will be finding this out next weekend. Now I have a fun two weeks of packing ahead of me.

I am a lightweight.

2006-10-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

It is shocking. I was shocked.

So, the backstory...

My dad quit drinking like 15 years or so ago. I don't really remember him having a "problem," but I was young. He did drink a large amount, so maybe it was a cost thing. Anyway, it isn't a big deal. It isn't like he goes crazy when he sees a beer or anything. I mean, friends and family drink the occasional cocktail in front of him.

Anyway, so, my Aunt Rita came to Pineland last week and is staying with my dad. Aunt Rita likes her cocktails. She's 80 by the way. So, we all went to Jasper for my great aunt's 99th birthday celebration. It was an all day thing. At one point, Rita leans over to me and says, hey, I am going to go over to Chris' (our cousin) room for a little night cap. I will meet up with you guys later. I was all, I wanna come! Rita was pleasantly surprised and said I could tag along.

So, we get to Chris' room. He is raving about this vodka he had gotten at Costco (Texas sucks by the way! I want discount, bulk liquor). He promises it is very smooth (which it was). He mixes me a vodka tonic that is so freaking strong that I can barely drink it. Everyone else there is drinnking their vodka straight, and lots of it. Lightweight. Right here.

Stood Up

2006-09-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

So, I got stood up on Saturday. I know, not exactly breaking news on a Wednesday.
Anyway, so I was supposed to go on a third date with this guy. We spoke Friday morning, and I said, "are we still on for Saturday?" He said, "absolutely." I never heard from him again until the night before last when he called after I had gone to sleep. What the hell?

See, this is where I really think that brutal honesty would be great. I think in break ups and job interviews lying to protect the feelings of others is just silly. How can we change or improve if we don't know what to change or improve? I think in relationships or the "ceasing to see each other" events, honesty would be great. Here are some examples of useful honesty.

I'm sorry, I don't want to continue to date you. You are a little larger than I am comfortable with.
While I am quite interested in having sex with you, I also want to have it with numerous other people without you expressing your dislike.
While I was a willing participant in the first date sex, it makes me think you are way to slutty to actually be a respectable girlfriend.
You seem really smart. I don't like smart.
You seem dumb. I can't have a ditzy girlfriend.
You know how you asked me to do things weeks, sometimes months, ahead of time? Yeah, that freaks me out. I think you are like obsessed or something.
My friends hate you.

See, that is useful information. I can work with that information. Some might say that it seems overly harsh. Well, I am probably going to be peeved at the guy that doesn't want to continue to date me anyway, why not let me be angry for the RIGHT reason?

It can work in job interviews too.

You are really overqualified for this job. I think you are going to bail the minute something better comes along.
You don't dress very well, and clients won't like that.
You seem dumb.
I think you are a big lying liar. No way were you the over a training department.
You misspelled things in your resume. I think you are probably really careless.
You have gotten fired more times than I am comfortable with.
You didn't wear a watch. I don't think you are normally punctual.

Once again, all useful information. I just think that in some situations, the feelings of others don't really need to be protected. I really do want to know why he chose to just stand me up. What made him decide that I wasn't even worth a phone call to say he didn't want to go out? Ah, the mysteries of life.

The Trip

2006-09-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I got back around midnight on Thursday from my week in Washington. I was with my Dad and our cousin Lou. It was both fun and frustrating. Here is a day by day breakdown...

Saturday
My dad and Lou arrive about 2 hours early. I am not ready as I didn't expect them so soon, and we did not need to leave for the airport for at least 3 hours. I finally get everything together and get ready to go do some last minute errands including finding a place to park my car because the apartment manager has decided that this would be a good weekend to repave the parking lot. Oh, and if you are wondering if she has changed the locks to my apartment since her daughter lost the key, no. I told her she could do it as soon as I left if she would just MAIL me the new keys. She kept trying different alternatives: putting them in the storage shed, catching the mailman and dropping the keys in then, having me to call her upon my return and she would bring the keys, leaving the keys with one of my neighbors. I am getting ready to choke her when she finally submits to my demand that SHE JUST MAIL THE KEYS TO ME SO I HAVE THEM WHEN I RETURN AND AM NOT DEPENDENT ON ANYONE ELSE TO GAIN ENTRY TO MY APARTMENT AFTER A LONG TRIP! JUST MAIL ME THE KEYS!!!!!!!!!! So anyway, as I will have to move my car and do not want to park it for a week in an adjacent lot for fear of towing, I drive over to the Bickles to park. Unfortunately, their road is being paved that week too, so that locale is out. Doh! I return to the apartment and park in this driveway behind the building. I alert the manager to this. Oh, surprise, that doesn't belong to us, and I will probably be towed if I park there. She keeps trying to get me to park in these random parking lots. I attempt to explain that I WILL BE GONE FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! I don't WANT to park my car in some random lot so that it gets towed. I don't want to park on the street. Why must things be so difficult. Finally, we agree that I can park in a corner spot as only the center of the parking lot will be worked on. Now, you might be thinking, gee Berry, isn't your assigned spot off to the side? Why yes, yes it is. But fun! They are having yet another utter crap sale that is taking up the whole yard and half of the parking spaces. Yeah, fun. Gah! So ready to move.

So trip? Off to a bad start. Already wanting to kill people. Finally, I make it to the airport. I manage to score rock star parking (well as rock star as you can get in Remote Parking). We make it to curbside check in. My bag is 2 pounds over the limit. So, I shove all of my books and anything else I can quickly reach into my dad's bag. The guy is so ready to get rid of us that he doesn't even weigh it. We go through security. The removal of the shoes is REALLY annoying. Seriously? What exactly am I going to hide in a pair of CONVERSE? My feet barely fit in them. Anyway, I did get complimented on my complete and total lack of liquids. The security guy kept thinking he had me, but no. He did confiscate my cousin's Lancôme foundation. She kept insisting that it wasn't a liquid and was actually a cream, but no dice. Too close to a liquid (I mean, really , it actually says liquid foundation on the bottle). I really think that Fed Ex and UPS have missed a prime business opportunity. They should have kiosks right next to security so people can just mail the contraband to their destinations or back to their homes. I would much rather pay to mail something than have it thrown away (provided it was actually expensive. I am not going to mail my Burt's Bees, obviously). So finally we get onto the plane. I got excited because I was sitting next to a cute boy. The flight attendant asked us to move to the emergency exit row as we look like we could handle the responsibilities of the position. This stuck me with the middle seat instead of the window seat for some reason. I HATE the middle. And then a grumpy man comes and sits in the window seat and proceeds to be grumpy the entire flight. Cute boy fell into a drug induced coma moments after take off (yeah, he was going to be great help if we had to use the emergency exits) leaving me to my iPod and fan fic.

We get to Seattle and only have about an hour and half before we must leave to catch the ferry to the island we are staying on. Another cousin picks us up at the airport. She is so awesome. Forty-five, pregnant with twins and looks like a model. AND, she is a ranking officer in the Army (or Air Force, and I don't remember what rank) and a pilot for Delta. Yeah, Elaine pretty much rocks. I feel like a short, fat loser next to her. We head to Pikes Place, watch the fish being thrown, eat some Asian pears, and then go to the original Starbucks. I love fall and the return of the pumpkin spice latte. We make it to the ferry which was about 90 miles from Seattle just in the knick of time. Of course, by this time, it is like 9:00, so it is pitch black and cold. Luckily we were inside. We don't get to my aunt and uncle's house until almost 11. My aunt had chicken soup and rice waiting on us. It was like the best soup I had ever eaten. This is the beginning of the week of awesome food.

Sunday
We wake up to stuffed French toast and an awesome view. This island is GORGEOUS.

We were in the San Juan Islands at Friday Harbor. We can see mountains and other islands. Absolutely beautiful. Once we have eaten and finish getting ready, my aunt and uncle, who are in their 70's and 80's respectively take us on the tour of the island. First we go to an adorable little harbor villagey place. It is so quaint.

Then we head over to the English Camp. Apparently, Friday Harbor was the site of the Pig War of 18 something another. An Englishman's pig wandered into the yard of an American. The American shoots and eats the pig which is the breaking point for the already terribly strained relations between the Americans and the English. So, the English send war ships to the island. The Americans deploy troops. The two countries are about to go to war over this pig (well, really it was over the ownership of the islands, but the pig is funnier). Finally Kaiser Wilhelm intervenes and grants possession of the islands to the Americans. The only casualty in the Great Pig War of 18 Something Another was the pig. Just a little history lesson.

While at the English Camp, we went on a short (uphill) walk to a cemetery. After seeing the graves, my aunt talks us into hiking to the top of the mountain we are on. In case you are wondering, we were at Mount Young, a mountain that rose 650 feet into the air. I tried to back out of the hiking. I am terribly out of shape and have recently begun to get winded really easily. The promise we can stop as much as I need. And boy do I. I say a quick prayer of thanks that I at least had the presence of mind to wear my Docs that day instead of the clucky boots I had first thought of wearing. And, I quickly got over the fact that people over twice my age were in better shape. Although, I think that my aunt and cousin were happy to have me to stop all the time as it kept them from looking weak. They got to take advantage of my rest stops and not look like wimps themselves. Covered in sweat and wheezing, I finally make it to the top of the mountain. The view IS spectacular, I have to admit. It has begun to rain lightly which was quite nice.

After we clomped down the mountain (which is significantly easier), we went by an alpaca farm. If you don't know, an alpaca is like a cross between a llama and a sheep. They are so cute! They have these little faces that appear to always be smiling. I am going to be rocking a cute alpaca scarf once it turns cold here. I can't wait.

After oohing and ahhing over the cute little alpacas, we returned home to eat lunch and collect Elaine. The aunt and uncle decided to sit out the next leg of the tour. We went to the downtown area and saw all the shops. Then, on the way back, Elaine decided to show us the land she and her husband had bought to build a house. So, up another mountain side we hike, with the PREGNANT woman. She too has an awesome view. Her view is more of Canada and the Pacific though, but still AWESOME.

And, when we returned home, my uncle was grilling steaks. I must interject here, the family had suffered a bit of a tragedy days before we arrived. My uncle was working on his 1936 Bugatti when it backfired and caught their garage on fire. The Bugatti, garage, 50 years worth of tools and many antiques were destroyed. The whole family is devastated. He had gotten the car when he was when he was in the Air Force. It is the car he drove his wife in on their first date. He drove both his daughters to their weddings in the car. The car was a part of their family, so we were all very sad for him. They think it might be able to be restored, but that will take a lot of time and a LOT of money. It is just so sad. Check out the car here.

Monday
On Monday, we went to visit the American camp. The American's chose poorly in their location. The English were stationed along a cove protected by mountains. The Americans were on this barren land off the water with no protection from the extremely cold winds. There were barely any trees at all. Anyway, so we check out the two buildings remaining (not quite what I expected). Then my aunt talks us into walking through the campsite and down to the beach. My uncle was all, have fun walking through the prairie grass and blackberry bushes, I will check you fools later. He didn't actually say check you fools later, but it was strongly implied. So, across the field we go. It is about a mile, mostly cutting sideways (real fun on the feet and calves). Lots of grass, wind and thorny bushes. Am very thankful I chose to wear my Adidas that day.

We didn't do much else that day as returns home and lunches and visit from insurance adjusters delayed us significantly. This is a big problem the whole trip. Late starts and long lunches that had to be eaten at the house (instead of packing a cooler with sandwiches or something) when combined with an island that basically shut down at 5:00 meant that we didn't do a lot of stuff I wanted to. Oh, and this is the day when I am told we are departing on Wednesday instead of Thursday as I was originally told. I know, I should have paid closer attention to the itinerary on the tickets, but I didn't. I am assured however that we will have almost all day Wednesday to spend in Seattle. Since seeing Seattle was one of the primary draws of me coming on this trip, I am beginning to worry.

Tuesday
Tuesday had us visiting a lavender farm. It smelled like Heaven. So awesome. I want to live on a lavender farm. I bought so much lavender stuff. Little sachets, room spray, candles, cookies. It was AWESOME.

From the lavender farm, we went to a little whale watching park to see the last of the killer whales. They were really far out, but still pretty damn cool. In the photo below, there is a killer whale under water. I was not fast enough to catch it above the water.

We also got to check out some old light houses and a lime kiln. It was really cold this day, and I wished I had taken the alpaca scarf.

We return home and look at our tickets to figure out what time we need to be picked up from the island as my uncle and aunt will not be able to take us back to Seattle, turns out our flight is not at 8 as originally thought, but at 5 instead. And, through a series of mistakes and poor scheduling, we are not leaving the island until 11. Basically meaning that we will have maybe an hour to an hour and half in Seattle. Pissed does not begin to cover it. I really wanted to go back to Pikes Place because I wanted to pick up some things for my sister and nieces. And, I had so many things on my list to do like going up the Space Needle, visiting the Science Fiction Museum, perusing the book stores. UNHAPPY CAMPER! I let it be known that I definitely want to go to the market over everything else. Everyone promises me we can.

Wednesday
Of course, it chooses this day to rain really hard. We wait for the ferry for like half an hour in the extremely cold rain. We make it onto the ferry and across the channel. My cousin Ray is waiting for us. While Ray drives like a maniac, even he was no match for the traffic resulting from the rain. You would think that these people would be old pros at driving in the rain, but apparently no. We have MAYBE half an hour between our arrival in Seattle in and the time we will need to leave for the airport. I have repeatedly said I wanted to go to the market. If nothing else, that is what we all want to do. So, what did I do in my half hour? I saw the freaking Fremont Troll. Yeah, it is basically just this stone sculpture of a troll holding a VW Bug. UNHAPPY CAMPER!

By this point, I am quite grumpy. I just want to go home now. I want to get away from my cousin whose constant tales of Alaska have begun to try my patience. I timed it in the car. The longest she went between mentions of Alaska and/or Anchorage was 6 minutes! It was a 90 minute car trip and a 5 day trip. Everything reminded her of Alaska or needed to be compared to Alaska. My uncle's house. The view from the house. Seattle. The ferry. The mountains. The trails. Berries. Coffee. Shorts. Hats. McDonalds. Dallas. EVERYTHING. I wanted to kill her in the face by the time we returned to my apartment that night.

And wouldn't you know, my locks had not been changed. Nor had the parking lot actually been paved. Nope, some dirt was dumped into the pot holes. The locks were not changed for another two days and took almost two hours to change because the manager couldn't hire a professional to install the lock. Nope, she hired had some shady, non-English speaking guy to do it. Just this random guy with whom I could not communicate was in my apartment for two hours. Grrr.....I need to move NOW.

If you want to see more of my photos from the trip, check out my Flickr.

2006-09-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Oh, Jessica

I saw this video on ONTD, and it is equally horrifying and hilarious. Man, Jessic Simpson really wants you to believe she is a great singer. I mean, she makes lots of strained faces, so she must be.

2006-09-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

President Bush uses Little Richard as translator

OMG, this is so freaking hilarious.

Snakes on a Reality Show

2006-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

I read this article and thought I would share.

Snakes on the Plane: The Reality Show?

Seeking contestants for new reality show. Must send photo with inquiry. Influenced by the movie Snakes On A Plane, a new reality series is taking form. Distribution channels are still being negotiated.

Borrowing from the momentum set by what is quickly becoming a cult classic, Snakes On A Plane, this reality show will provide drama, suspense and consequences unlike any seen on any show.

Synopsis: 20 contestants (10 male/10 female) travel by commercial aircraft to 10 different cities around the world. With the crew and pilots secure, the contestants will share the cabin area with 200 snakes. 5 of the 200 are poisonous.

Each flight will be between 5 -12 hours in length. The reward at the end of each flight will be a day spent in luxury visiting the exotic destination city. Contestants can then choose to fly 3 friends out and extend their visit for week, all expense paid OR get back on the flight for the next leg of the competition.

If at any time a contestant is bit by any of the 5 poisonous snake, antivenom will be administered and they will be eliminated. The contestant(s) that manage to survive through all 10 cities will win a reward still to be determined. Serious casting inquiries only. Contact the casting agent at lcaa_productions@yahoo.com

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I can't believe this! I don't know if this is the saddest thing ever or the most awesome.

Altoids

2006-09-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am addicted. I have fought this particular addiction in the past, but now I have come full circle. I was looking at my surroundings this morning. This is the Altoid count:

Living room: two tins, empty
Bedroom: one tin, 3/4 full
Car: three tins, empty
Desk: one tin, 3/4 full

So far, I have had 6 Altoids this morning. It is only 9. Things are not looking good for my teeth. I just can't stop. I love the pepperminty shock my mouth receives each time I bite down on one.

I just ate two more.

I need help.

2006-08-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Entourage with Matt Dallas

Creepy clip of Matt Dallas on Entourage.

Cold Soda

2006-08-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows the rule. If you take the last of the cold sodas, you replace them. It isn't hard.

Plan B

2006-08-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am very excited to hear that Plan B is now going to be available without a prescription. This makes me very happy, and not just because I am a forgetful slut. No, this makes me happy because I no longer have to deal with those Planned Parenthood con artist bastards*.

Yes, you heard it. I have some hate for the Planned Parenthood.

Okay, so, I have taken Plan B twice in my life. The first time was the result of a little birth control snafu. So, I go to my local PP and get Plan B. While I am checking out, I notice the big bowl of condoms, so I get some.

Several months later, a special fella and I are about to have some sex, and I grab one of the PP condoms. We go about the sex having until I hear an "uh oh." I inquire as to the cause of this responce. The fella says that the condom has ripped.

That's right.

The condom I had gotten from Planned Parenthood RIPPED. And now, I am going to have to go back to Planned Parenthood and get another pack of Plan B.

Con artists!*

*I do not really think that Planned Parenthood is an evil bastard. I was only saying that for humor purposes. I think they provide an invaluable service to many women.

Movie News

2006-08-23T05:58:00.000-07:00

I read two pieces of movie news.

First...

WB animation is remaking the Thundercats as an animated TV series. The animation style is whimsical, Americanized-anime, along the lines of Teen Titans.

The setting is modern-day Earth, in a major city (possibly LA). The Thundercats are all teenagers. Their leader is Snarf (!) who is now a mystic with a "third" eye. Each of the Thundercats has a weapon with an "Eye of Thunderra" and transformative powers (not just Lion-O).

When they aren't fighting evil, the Thundercats play together as a rock band. That's not a typo, or a joke. They are rockin' cats in their present form.

Mum-Ra now has wings.

Wow.... Just wow. A rock band?!?!!? Seriously? And Snarf is the leader? He is about as useless as Scrappy Doo. A rock band?!?!? Why are they ruining one of my favorite cartoons?

Second....

Apparently, while the major names haven't signed on to another X-Men movie (not the Wolverine movie, an actual X-Men movie), the smaller stars have. Shawn Ashmore, Ellen Page, Aaron Standford and Ben Foster are all said to be signed on. Actually, while some people are all OMG NO WOLVERINE?!??!?! WTF WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I actually think it is kinda cool. I am actually interested in some of the other characters and wish they got more screen time. While I love Wolverine, Halle Berry has turned Storm into a huge snoozefest and a waste of screen time.

Oopsy

2006-08-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Today is off to a fabulous start. I left my gym bag at home. Which wouldn't be a problem except that I am WEARING my gym clothes right now and my work clothes are in my gym bag. I realized this about 10 minutes into my workout. And yeah, my towel was in my gym bag also. Luckily, there was a wash cloth in my car, so I did a wipe down as best I could at work. Yeah. Off to a great start.

Corn Snake

2006-08-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, Weeds rocked my socks last night. It was excellent, especially the music. My only complaint was that while I thought the Elvis Costello version of Tiny Boxes was good, I missed the original. However, there was an awesome song by Jenny Owen Youngs featured. It pretty much summed up my life.

Music Share-age:

Fuck Was I by Jenny Owen Youngs

Little Boxes by Malvina Reynolds

Little Boxes by Elvis Costello

Sorry about the poor quality on the Elvis Costello version.

Flights

2006-08-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

So, did I hear it right? No carry ons are allowed on flights leaving the UK? I also heard that no liquids of any kinds were being allowed on flights into the US. Wow.

YayCoffee? You are just going to have to buy your shampoo in the states.

I am a Prophet

2006-08-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am a prophet. I don't know how many of you know that about me. It is true. I have prophetic dreams. Only my dreams are a little on the useless side. I dream about driving down a street. Now, that might not seem prophetic, but it is. See, I dream about what song will be on the radio and what car will pull up beside me. Then, the next morning, IT WILL HAPPEN. Seriously.

Or maybe I will dream about something that will be said on a TV show I haven't seen before. Or sometimes, I have already dreamed a conversation we will share and not remember until we are in the middle of the conversation that I already know how it is going to end.

Two nights ago, I dreamed about grocery shopping. As I wheeled around Wal-Mart last night, I realized I had already done this exact thing before...in my dreams. Creepy.

I am a prophet.

Freedom Safe For Now

2006-07-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

A snippet from Bloomberg.com

House Rejects U.S. Constitutional Amendment to Ban Gay Marriage

July 18 (Bloomberg) -- The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, six weeks after the same Republican-led election-year effort failed in the Senate.

The House voted 236-187, 47 votes short of the 283 required to endorse adding a provision to the Constitution defining marriage as only ``the union of a man and a woman.''

Republicans said the proposal is necessary to stop judges from redefining marriage, contributing to the destruction of traditional societal values. Democrats said Republicans pushed the proposal to rally their supporters before the November congressional elections.

``This bill is about adding discrimination and intolerance to the United States Constitution,'' said James McGovern, a Massachusetts Democrat. ``If it's an election year, the Republican leadership will find a place on the agenda for gay bashing.''

House Republican leaders said last month that they would spend time before the August recess addressing matters that appeal to the party's base. Along with the vote on gay marriage, the chamber this month is taking up proposals to defend the pledge of allegiance from court challenges and bar governments from using any federal funds to confiscate firearms from ``law- abiding citizens'' during national emergencies.

Proposed amendments to the Constitution require the support of two-thirds of the members of the House and Senate and then passage by three-fourths, or 38, of the 50 state legislatures.
In the House debate, Republicans said a constitutional amendment is required to block courts from overturning state bans on gay marriage.

``An overwhelming majority of the American people support traditional marriage: marriage between a man and a woman,'' said Marilyn Musgrave, a Colorado Republican who sponsored the amendment. ``The American people want us to settle this issue now. They don't want to wait to see how much havoc the courts will wreak on the definition of marriage.''

Democrats countered that Congress should be spending time on more important issues, such as high gas prices, the war in Iraq or the threat posed by North Korea, instead of debating partisan political issues.

``Today is a shameless attempt to divert and distract,'' Ohio Democrat Dennis Kucinich said.

--------
Even though the vote was very close to going the other way, at least for now our government will not be TAKING RIGHTS AWAY FROM ITS CITIZENS.

The whole thing is just absolutely baffling to me. What is next? Will God-fearing gentleman in pretty white robes and pointy hats start setting fires to gay bars? Will lesbians be flayed in the streets?

I personally don't care what others "like" or "believe" to be right, it is not the government's place to dictate morality for its people. The government's JOB is to protect the rights and freedoms of its citizens.

We are a nation in crisis. We have so many other matters that seem to me to be far more pressing. What about improving our public education system? What about providing affordable healthcare to every one who needs it? What about rebuilding devestated cities? What about rising gas prices in the face of a minimum wage that has not seen an increase in almost ten years? What about a war that is draining our resources be they in the form of military forces or monetary? What about all of those things? What about the numerous other issues that need addressing before our country tackles with Chad and Jake should be able to exchange wedding vows?

Sorry, rant over.

Free To Be Super

2006-07-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

This just doesn't stop being funny.

New Apartment

2006-07-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

So, my lease is quickly coming to an end, and I must decide where to move next. I don't know what to do. Here is the dilemna. I live a little far from all of my friends. Sure, it is only 10 miles or so, but with lights and traffic, it is more like 20 minutes away. The other problem? I live a little far from work. It takes me between 30 and 40 minutes to get to work each morning. I would like to live a little closer to my friends without taking any longer to get to work.

Is this a really immature way to choose a place to live? I mean, on the one hand, I go to work 5 days a week. I don't necessarily see my friends that often (perhaps because I live far?). So, looking at it that way, is it stupid to not move closer to work? But, at the same time, I don't want to be lonely.

Another problem is that I have NO idea where to move. I know I don't want to live in Lewisville or even Carrollton. Addison is being considered. While I do realize it is sort of, I don't know, yuppy-ish, at least the majority of the people would be in my age range and possibly place in life. In Carrollton or Lewisville, most people seem to be married, home owners and/or parents. I am none of these things. I don't want to feel like the weirdo spinster, quite frankly. At least in Addison, I might make some more friends. It might be nice to hang out with my neighbors. We could barbeque and water each others plants when the other is out of town. We could have wacky hijinks.

I don't know. Honestly. I don't. It is a really hard decision. I really dislike driving as many of you know. I hate being trapped in my car alone for extended periods of time. I don't like being alone with my thoughts that much. But it seems that no matter which area I choose, I will be driving further to one of the destinations. Does anyone have any ideas?

Convo with Dad

2006-07-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why my self esteem is low? Check out this conversation I had with my dad last night.

MAV: Sorry I missed your call. I was at the gym.
DAD: Oh, you have started going to the gym again?
MAV: Yeah, trying to get back into shape. But it is hard.
DAD: Well, you did it before. You were looking good. Now you have gotten pudgy.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks for telling me I am fat while I drive home. I am just going to swerve into oncoming traffic now. What with the momentum of the car and my gigantic ass, we will surely cause great destruction.

Lam

2006-07-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am not exactly certain about the specifics of my sister's birth. But here is what I have pieced together.

My mom's first husband was apparently not the highest quality guy. We will call him Walter. While she was pregnant with my sister, Walter was arrested for unintentional manslaughter. He got into a fight with a guy, and the guy fell and hit his head on a curb, killing him. Freak accident, but it meant jail time for Walter. This is where things get really fuzzy. Apparently, Walter broke out of jail. I think he snuck out in a laundry truck or something. Anyway, my mom picked him up, and they went on the lam. While on the run, my sister was born. There are all these weird names on her birth certificate. It was a shady "doctor's office" situation.

Years later, he would be killed in a get rich quick scheme gone wrong.

My mom led an interesting life.

First Dates

2006-07-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

I wish there were some sort of intensive training course for first dates.

So, yesterday/last night I had my first date with Harry (not his real name). Harry and I have GREAT email banter. We wrote about how much we liked X3 and how it probably wouldn't be a bad thing to be behind Magneto in traffic. We also discussed weird rituals. He thought my sleeping on the couch was cute. He is a big grammar nerd and doesn't like to leave "orphans" or "windows" in his writing. He's funny; he's smart; he's pretty much perfect.

We have been emailing for about a month. On Thursday, we spoke on the phone for the first time. Our banter was quite nice. He asked me out for coffee on Sunday. As Sunday approached, my nervousness rose to dangerous levels. I could barely eat lunch. For some reason, I drank massive amounts of water. This would prove to be a bad idea later in the date as I had to keep visiting the ladies room. Anyway, so 3 o'clock rolled around, and I met up with Harry. Harry was much taller than I expected, was a nice, but not too nice dresser, and had the most gorgeous green eyes (hence the Harry moniker). I couldn't stop staring. I also could not stop talking. I recognized that I was talking way too much but was powerless to stop myself. I just continued to babble and babble.

After about 2 hours, I suggested maybe going somewhere for dessert or a drink. He was receptive to the idea, so we went got some gelato. More babbling took place. Then he suggested we walk around and see if there was a bar nearby. We went to the bar at the Inwood Theatre. I thought the two beers would help my nerves. Nope. They just made me louder and a little burpy. Stupid beer.

I finally forced myself to be quiet. We sat in silence for a little while. Then for some inexplicable reason, he asked if I wanted to get dinner. Why? At this point (4.5 hours in), I am ready to get rid of me. So, we go to a breakfasty 24 hours a day place and have some omelettes. I continue to talk endlessly about nothing. I really just want to die. So, I am drinking massive amounts of water and talking. Nightmare! Finally, dinner is finished. While I like Harry, we both know that we need to be wrapping this up.

He takes me back to my car. This is where it just proceeded to get worse. First, it is still light out and there are people on the patio. Now, when I first met Harry, he gave me a hug. So, I don't really know what to expect now. But because of the timing of our exits from the car, we are standing kind of far apart. I didn't know what to do. Should I move closer? Give a hug? A handshake? A post-date high five? So, I did nothing. I kind of gave a little wave sort of thing and said I guessed I would call later.

I am such a HUGE dork. I am. I get nervous around guys I like and become this IDIOT. I know I am being a dork and can't help it. I figit. I babble. I am the OPPOSITE of cool.

Anyway, so I don't know. At the end of the date, he seemed kind of disinterested. But at the same time, he kept extending the date. SIX HOURS. We had a six hour date. Six, excruitiating, long, nervous hours! But then again, there was no kiss or hug or high five. In fact, there was very little actual physical contact. I don't know. I like him. I would like a chance to prove I am not this big of a moron. Aaauuuggghhhh... I hate first dates.

Team Work Sucks

2006-06-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Many of you have heard me tell of my continuing saga of working with contractors at my job. I am the lead developer on my current project which means I am supposed to delegate out work and verify that everything is looking good and fits together. Well, to "help" me on this project, I was given J, the contractor with attitude. I don't know if the attitude is because she pretty much LIED about her skill set or because she is a teacher and from what I hear they are crazy or because she is much older than me. Whatever it is, working with her has been infuriating.

Conversation 1
MAV, in initial project meeting on Thursday: Okay, so I will look over the course and get a framework put together. I will email you with what sections I want everyone to work on and when they are due.
J: Okay.

Monday
MAV, in email: J, I need you to do sections 0 and 2. I have put the text and placeholder for graphics. You will need to create graphics for each of the screens. Please look over the following courses we have previously worked on to get a feeling for the look we are going for and what the client generally wants. (then I list about 5 links). Also, here are the links to graphic sites. Oh, and here is a DVD full of official graphics.

Much later that day...
J, finally responding for the first time that week after several emails and phone messages: So, you want me to do what?
MAV: Sections 0 and 2. I have the framework done. You will just need to add graphics and do some clean up.
J: So, you want me to finish this for you?
MAV, seething: No, remember I said I would assign sections. These are the sections. However, I have already done some of the work for you.
J: Do you have any employee graphics?
MAV: All the graphic we have are on that DVD.
J: Oh, that doesn't open.
MAV: *considers reaching through phone and throttling J
MAV: When are you coming into the office? The are too many files post or email.
J: Oh, I can't make it in until Thursday.
MAV: Hmmm... well, the project is due on Friday. We really need to make sure that we are not making frantic changes at the zero hour. Please post your work as soon as you are finished so I can be checking it.
J: Okay.

Wednesday
MAV: Hi J, it's Wednesday, and I am not seeing your files on the server. I really need them so I can make sure everything is going well and see where we are production-wise.

Hours later
MAV: J, it's Kelly again. Really need to have you post those files.

Two hours later
J: Here are the files. I was working on them all night.
MAV: Okay, I will check them out right away.
DIVA: Hey, are those Joanne's files?
MAV: Yes, let's look shall we.
MAV & DIVA: OMG!!! THESE ARE THE WORST GRAPHICS EVER! WHY DID SHE DO THAT?
MAV: I told her exactly what to do on several screens. Including sending examples. All she had to do was copy and paste.
DIVA: Did she have a preschooler or monkey do this?
MAV: I think so.

MAV: J, I got the files. They weren't exactly what we were looking for. Please look over these two courses to get a better understanding of our needs.

Next day
J: I was up until 3 in the morning doing these.
MAV: Let's have a look.
MAV: *hides shock really well*
MAV: Hmmm.... well, I was thinking more something like this. *shows example*
J: How do you do that?
MAV: Well, I do the masks in Flash.
J: Ah, I know how to use masks in Flash.
MAV: And, be sure not to do any sizing to the graphics inside Flash as it makes them all fuzzy and pixelated.
J: Ah, yeah, I know.
MAV: Okaaaaaaay.... Well, the rest is done with layers and masks in photoshop with some blurs thrown in.
J: Can you show me how?
MAV: Okaaaaay.... *gives elementary lesson*
J: Oh, okay. I can try that.

HOURS LATER
J: Here they are.
MAV: *almost chokes. The images are looking a little pixelated. What is going on there?
J: I am not sure.
MAV: *opens file* Oh, it's sized in Flash. That makes them look bad. You really should size in Photoshop.
J: Oh, okay.

Much later at production meeting
DIVA: We really need to set up a time for you to call in each day so we get a feel for your progress and where we are in the project. It is a very tight deadline, so communication is very important. J, what is a good time for you? When are you available?
J: Well, not until after 2.
MAV: *holds anger* Um, well, that is a little late in the day. Can you be sure to post all of your work the night before so I will know exactly where we are first thing in the morning.
J: Umm, okay. Oh, and can you please call me if you need to get anything to me after 5? I don't really check my email until 9 or so.
MAV: Yes, I can try, but it is really better to do these things via email so there is documentation and hard copies. It is just easier to send a list of things over email than to leave them on an answering machine.
DIVA: We really do prefer doing things over email. It is just more official.
J: Okay, I guess I can check it some more. Oh, yeah, by the way, I am going out of town the week after next for vacation, so I won't really be available then. And, I really need a few days to get things in order for that.
MAV: Well, next week, we are off Monday and Tuesday. So, you aren't going to be available Wednesday, Thursday or Friday?
J: Right.
DIVA & MAV: Okaaaay.

Later that day, again...
J: Okay, I think I have it right. Look.
MAV: Hmmm, still not exactly what I was thinking. See these screens? Use them and just replace the text.
J: Okay. Oh, and I can't get this screen to work. Can you do it?
MAV: Okaaaayyy.

And so on. Basically, this woman is incompetent yet thinks very highly of herself. I really don't know what to do. I could not be any clearer with what I need her to do. I am not in a position to fire her or discontinue using her as a contractor. So, does anyone have any advice? As it is, I am having to redo all of her work because it is just bad. Really, really bad. I am at a loss. I have never worked for someone that was this bad. Not only can't she do basic design things, but she is very difficult. She doesn't keep me updated. She doesn't follow direction. She doesn't read emails. What am I supposed to do?

Managers? Supervisors? Team Leads? Some advice?

Britney Stole My Hair

2006-06-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

Britney stole my hair. That bitch.

Ball

2006-06-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I was discussing rejection with Z-Ho tonight. Not the cute boy doesn't like me kind, but the inviting friends to do things kind. We have friends that we are often inviting to do things but they alway turn us down. Eventually, I reach a point where I don't want to extend the effort anymore. I get tired of the rejection. Because that is how it feels after a while. You are supposed to be my friend, but you never seem to actually want to spend time with me. That doesn't seem right to me.

So, after a while, I just stop inviting you. You say no too many times, and you don't get included. I say after around 4, I just want to stop. I think that gives you enough opportunities to finish whatever it was keeping you from getting together with me the first three times. After 4, I am going to take my ball and go find someone else to play with. And we are going to make up an AWESOME game. It is going to be the best game ever. It is going to involve a rope and jacks, too. And then, we are also going to make up a secret, magical language to speak when we play the awesome game. And one day you are going to finally grace us with your presense, and you aren't going to know how to play. And then we are going to be speaking the new, secret, magical language which you won't understand. And boy are you going to feel bad.

Who you gonna call?

2006-06-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

Do you know who you will call when you get arrested?

I have my people lined up depending on what city it is. The only problem is that some people just don't answer their phones when you call. How does that one phone call thing work? I mean, if no one answers, do you get to make another call?

In case you are ever in the situation in which a friend gets arrested, here is what you can do (courtesy of WikiHow)

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR FRIEND IS ARRESTED

It is 2 AM and someone you know has just been arrested. You know you need legal help. You do not want your friend to make a confession or be in a line-up or even get fingerprinted if it can be avoided. It is tough to know what to do or who to trust. Moreover, you do not know who will even answer the phone at that time of day. Here is what you need to know if this happens in the United States of America.

Steps

Find out where they are being held and by what police agency. Whether you get the call from a police officer or your friend, make sure that this is the first thing you ask. If you can, tell your friend or family member that you are finding him a lawyer and not to answer any compromising police questions until that lawyer arrives. In short, the 'name, rank, and serial number' response will do fine. Your loved one should always co-operate with the authorities but the less said about the reason for being arrested (even to you over the phone,) until a lawyer can do his job on your loved one's behalf, the better. The reason for this is not to hamper a police investigation, but to protect your loved one from unintentional further harm. Anything said can be used against your loved one in court, having a lawyer present is essential as a defense mediation between your loved one and the police department. Your friend must invoke his rights himself, only the arrested subject can invoke his rights.
Ask what the charges are and what time the arrest was made. Do not let your friend tell you what happened. The call is not privileged and it can, and probably will be, recorded by police for later use against your friend. They should just tell you the actual charge. If they cannot tell you without explanation, tell them that it doesn't matter, and continue to step three below. If the arrested is an adult, the police are not required to tell a friend or family member anything.
Tell your loved one not to make any statement or take any test and tell them you are getting a lawyer and not to do or say anything until they hear from that lawyer. (In some states, you have a very limited time or no right at all to contact a lawyer regarding alcohol testing. Also, in many states, refusal to take an alcohol test is treated as an admission of guilt and carries the same penalty as a test failure. If you don't know, ask the officer.) Only the arrested subject can invoke his rights; you can not do it for them.
Select a criminal defense attorney. See the related wikiHow entries below for steps to take in finding one. Keep calling lawyers until you find one that either answers their phone or has an answering service that can reach them anytime, day or night.
Tell the lawyer that your friend is arrested and give as much information as you can. Ask that they immediately call the stationhouse and stop your friend from being questioned. Many lawyers will do this for free, but expect to pay at least $150-350 for that call.
Gather as much money as you can to both pay the lawyer in court and to post bail. It is more important to get a good lawyer into the case early than to immediately get your friend out of jail.

Tips
Always keep about $500-$1000 available without having to go to the bank. Most minor crimes and traffic violations can be bailed out from the stationhouse through the use of a desk appearance ticket or a desk sergent's bail.

Do not feel obligated to stay with the lawyer who helps you the first night. Selecting a lawyer for a case long-term should be done with the accused person's participation. Tell the lawyer you found that you are using him for the purpose of securing your friend's rights only for the night in question. Do not sign a long term retainer.

Any legal fee for standing in at arraignment should either be a flat fee or should be hourly. Again, most criminal defense attorneys will charge between $150-$350 per hour. It will cost more in many big cities or urban areas. For example, many well known NY lawyers charge upwards of $600 per hour.

At the arraignment (the formal reading of criminal charges, and entering your plea) you do not have to use the lawyer that helped you get your loved one . A free lawyer is often available. However, it is better to have your own lawyer at arraignment if you can.

If you run into trouble finding out where your friend is being held and by what police agency, get ahold of a bail bondsman (see link below, how to make bail) as they are experienced at this, and can sometimes locate your friend faster than you using the same resources.

Warnings
Remember the best way to help your friend with the problems associated with being arrested is to avoid the arrest in the first place. Keep your friends out of fights, drink responsibly, drive responsibly, and help your friends do so also.

Police do not have to "give you your rights," and their failure to do so does not invalidate an arrest. They only have to give you your rights if they (a) arrest you and (b) ask you questions about the crime. Hence, tell your friend who is under arrest to plead the fifth.

An oral statement is just as bad as a written statement. It is always best to say nothing.
Do not worry if you cannot find an attorney to represent your friend in court without being retained. Some courts will not let a non-retained lawyer stand in at arraignment. The court must provide an attorney at an arraignment if one is requested, or give the accused time to retain someone before he is arraigned.

There are times when the best thing you can do for your friend or loved one is to let them deal with the consequences of their actions on their own. Spending a night in jail can be a real wakeup call for someone who is in need of one.

Oh Angie

2006-06-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

Find what is wrong in this sentence.

"I love punk rock because it's honest and there's a lot of feeling behind it. Bands like The Clash and Matchbox 20 are great."
-Angelina Jolie uses “punk” rock to help prepare for a movie scene

2006-06-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

Saved by the Bell

Hot!

The Dieting Grumpies

2006-06-15T06:54:00.001-07:00

I don't know if this week has been so stressful and annoying because I am dieting, or if the stress and annoyingness of the week is making me not want to diet. Does that make sense? Is it the diet causing me to be grumpy or the stress? Or a combo? I don't know. But this is a really bad week to talk to me about working from home, complaining about how far you have to drive to work, or to not do the items on the punchlist. It is also a bad week to not catch onto themes in the punchlist. Seriously? Why am I having to tell a supposed professional to do the SAME thing over and over? Does he think I am going to give up? Change my mind? Grrr....

Rituals

2006-06-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

There are some rituals that make sense: the barely awake stumble to the coffee maker in the morning, locking the door when you are far too drunk to actually remember that it needs to be done. However, my ritual probably makes less sense.

I like to sleep on the couch on the weekends.

It is strange, I know. I just enjoy it. I love being able to watch whatever movie or show I stumble across. I love just falling asleep right in my comfy position. I hate getting up and going to bed because as soon as I make the trek to the bed, I am wide awake. I toss and turn and question why in the world I cannot go to sleep when just moments before I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

So I like to fall asleep on the couch. Is that so weird?

Long Way Down

2006-06-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

I hate this book. I really, really do. Books don't have to be all happy go lucky, good triumphs in the end for me to like it. I have enjoyed plenty of depressing books. But seriously, I could not stand one more moment of Nick Hornby's latest book. I did the audiobook equivalent of throwing the thing across the room. I hit the stop button with much anger. I could take no more.

I hated the majority of the characters. The situations just kept getting more and more annoying. I really wanted to throw all of the characters off the roof myself.

Why in the WORLD do people consider this to be their favorite Hornby book? Sure, the characters in "About a Boy" and "High Fidelity" were pretty selfish and quite the bastards, but at least it was entertaining. I just kept hoping the characters in "Long Way Down" would finally put themselves and me out of our misery. But over halfway through the book, there was no such luck and thus I had to quit the book. I NEVER do that. I suffer through the book. I will begrudgingly read a few pages a night until the thing is finished. But this time, no.

Perhaps it was because the book was in audio form. I don't know. All I know is that "White Oleander" was more enjoyable to listen to in the car, and that is saying a lot considering my opinion of that book. Ugh. I am so angry. That book has filled me with crankiness. Grrrr.

Phone

2006-06-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

I left my mobile phone sitting on my desk at work. Does the abuse of this week NEVER end?

What did I ever do to you This Week? How have I slighted you? What have I done that makes you hate me this much? Huh, This Week? What? Did I accidently make out with your boyfriend? Did I buy the same top as you? Did I cut you off in traffic? What, This Week? What did I do? How can I make it up to you? Tell me, and I will do it.

I can take no more.

I am This Week's bitch. I am abused. Abuuuuuuuuuuused.

Friday Amusement

2006-06-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

It's Friday. It's 4:00. I don't want to work. So, instead, I will share what I find amusing at the moment.

Does anyone else find the instructions for opening the Almond Hershey's bar really amusing? I mean, are there people sitting around, helplessly staring at their Hershey's bar thinking if only they could solve the puzzle of how to open the bar they could be enjoying the chocolatey, nutty goodness. But alas, they cannot.

Okay, dorky confession. I have a post file. It is a file that I jot down ideas for posts. Sometimes I write out the whole post, but for some reason save it for later. You know, if I am uninspired, but feel I should post. Or if I haven't posted in a while and DeliciousDish begins to harass me. Anyway, I have this note written down for a potential post: "Convo with Dish...ice." I have no idea what it means. I did once flash a gas station attendant in exchange for a bag of ice, but I don't think that is what the note was regarding.

The word flower as a euphemism for virginity. For example, I am trying to get past my irrational hate of Jared Padalekki (sp?) because he took Rory's flower.

Freak Toe

2006-06-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

I stubbed my toe last night. I ripped the toenail practically in half. It really hurts. I don't want to be with only half a toenail on one side of my big toe. That will really unattractive. So, I have put a bandaid over it which serves the dual purpose of holding the nail on until it can grow a bit more and hiding the potential ugliness. But everytime I look down at my feet, it appears that I have one nailless freak toe. I really do not like my freak toe.

People. Ugh. (The Caps Lock Post)

2006-06-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

I hate working with other people. People -- are the worst.

It actually isn't the working with people that I don't like. I will rephrase. I hate working with contractors. I don't know what it is about this company, but "they" cannot seem to hire contractors worth a damn. Seriously.

Take for instance the punchlists that are made after reviewing the course. Those? Are not SUGGESTIONS!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!! What are they thinking? And when I give a list of changes that must be made to every screen? Also? NOT A SUGGESTION!!!! Or when I give you steps or instructions about how to do something? NOT A SUGGESTION!!! Let's see... I have been doing this for a year and a half. You have been doing it a week. Wonder who knows more about the subject? If I say that I want something highlighted in green? I WANT IT HIGHLIGHTED IN FUCKING GREEN! NOT YELLOW! NOT ORANGE! GREEN!!!!! And not highlighting it at all? NOT AN OPTION!!! I WANT FUCKING GREEN HIGHLIGHTS!!!!

I need the weekend.

Dane Cook

2006-06-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

So, I have been listening to a little Dane Cook at work. Comedians and work are always a dangerous combination.

Here are two of my favorites so far:

The Nothing Fight
Making Up

I don't even like jelly!

Charmed

2006-06-09T05:39:00.000-07:00

As I sit here avoiding leaving for work, I discovered something odd. The acting in Charmed was MUCH better the first season. By the last season, it was just AWFUL. How does that happen? Isn't it usually the other way around?

Word Verification

2006-06-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

I don't like the Word Verification thing. I hate having to enter that random string of letters. Why can't it just be a random word like turtle or muffin or staple? My fingers don't want to type the random letters. They don't understand. In fact, I dislike entering the random letters so much that I chose not to activate the option. Sure, I occassionally have to delete some spammed comments, but those have gone way, way down.

So, I have a proposal for the good poeple of Blogger. You should allow the bloggers to set up an approved commenter list. That way, when certain people comment on my blog, as long as they are signed in, they can comment without verification. Just type and post. Now, strangers to the blog would have to enter the word (not on my blog obviously), but "friends" wouldn't.

Just a thought.

Dear Diary

2006-06-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

Deer Dairy,

Oh my GAH! Did you guys know that Nick like wrote a song about me? Daddy told me that Nick like wouldn't have a carrear if we got devorced. Daddy said I would still be like a star, but Nick would like fade into ~~obscer~~ ... ~~obscur~~ ... ~~obstetri~~ ... nothing.

Anyways, like I was so sad that I went to Mystic Tan like every day for a week. They are like so nice there. They totally like me better than Asslee. Hee. Hee. Totally kidding.

So, I had to go to this awards show or premeer or something (I don't no. Daddy just comes over and picks out my clothes and then points me to the limo. Like no one is better at adjusting the girls than Daddy. He lifts and cups them the best). They had to really bind my penis down. Daddy promised we would get it taken off soon, but first he said that like Asslee (hee. kidding) had to get a new nose. Then like, she also got new pouty lips like mine. I don't know why she had to do that. Pouting was my thing. Daddy said I had to look like real sad after the devorce so people would like me better. But that pouting is hard and was starting to hurt. So Daddy let me get some lips like Miss Goldie Hawn (I love her!) so I wouldn't have to pout myself. I'm a celebrety you know. We can't be expected to pout for ourselves. Anyway, like then last week Asslee (ha) (kidding) went and got like some new lips too. Do you think it is like a little weird that Asslee is doing all of this stuff like I used to? I mean, she is like getting Mystic Tans and like got a new nose and like pouty lips and like she even had sweet Ken to die her hair blonde like me and then like she got some hair extensions like mine. But not the ones that I am gonna start selling. Those will be available this fall in KMart (Asslee (hah) USED to have the KMart account, but Daddy let me have it). Anyways, the tape holding my penis down is like hurting. Gah!

Do you like my shoes, Dairy? Daddy said the lawyer said that I had to start like wearing those shoes I like designed or whatever. He said that like we didn't want the same thing to like happen that did with those jeans people. Whatever! Like I was going to wear those jeans! They were like for fat girls! But anyways, I wore the silver shoes cause silver is really classy and this was like a fancy event and stuff.

Oh, Dairy. I forgot to tell you! DId you hear that Britnee is pregnant again? She is gonna like get so huge! That husband of hers totally grabbed my ass at the club the other night. I know! Like Oh My GAH! He smells like onions and cigarettes. What is that about? Anyways. I am like so totally winning. I am like so much hotter than Britnee now. And, I mean, sure Christina like got to perform at the movie awards, but whatever, cause like I was working on a MOVIE this year and didn't have time to do an album. And Mandy Moore was just on some TV show or whatever about like janitors or housekeepers or something. I don't know. LIke ever since Friends went off the air, like TV is real boring. Don't tell, but I totally didn't watch Seventh Heaven. Asslee said like we should watch that show since it like gave her like her start or whatever, but like I didn't. Even when she was on it. I mean, like there was a reason that Daddy quit being like a minister. It just isn't fun. Like seriously. ANd those girls were like real mean.

Well, Dairy. I have to go. Daddy is coming over and we are gonna go like bra shopping or something. I don't know. Whatever.

Kisses!!!

Jess

Measurements

2006-06-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

I am really bad with measurements. Really bad. I can't tell you how far something really is. I am awful at guessing weight. I don't know how many inches or feet an object might be. Don't even get me started on Weight Watcher points. I am bad with measurements, and it is a problem.

Examples.

I was making a dessert and needed 4 tablespoons of rum and 4 tablespoons of coffee. So, I bought a small bottle of rum and 4 shots of espresso. This was not right, by the way. It was far too much and now I have a bunch of dark rum I will never drink.
I think everything is 10 miles or 30 minutes away. My apartment to Lakewood? 10 miles. My apartment to Sam Moon? 10 miles. My apartment to Grapevine Mills Mall? 30 minutes. Lewisville to Lakewood? 30 minutes.
I bought some globes for various lights in my apartment. I got a really cute one for my ceiling fan. Only problem is that the opening isn't large enough for a light bulb to pass through. The one I got for the wall sconce in the hallway is also too small for the fixture. No way would those little screws hold it in place.

I am really dumb when it comes to measurements (and a few other things).

2006-06-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Tressant Supreme

Grab Bag

2006-06-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

I don't really have time to hash out a real post, so here is your Tuesday morning grab bag.

1. This picture cracks me up.

2. I find it really odd that dealers would lace joints with angel dust. It just makes sense financially. The buyer is getting more value for his money which really doesn't seem like the drug dealer way. Is the angel dust like a free gift with purchase?

3. Most of you have probably seen this already, but The Evolution of Dance is hiLARious. The guy is single. I must meet and marry him. Then everyone will squeel with excitement when we arrive at parties and bring the fun.

How's it going?

2006-05-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

How's it going?

Not well if you must know.

Yesterday, I spilled some red creamy sauce on my new white shirt. Three washings later, it is not completely gone. Curses!

Access to the laundry room is becoming more and more difficult. They really need to expand the room ASAP, or I am going to just have to stop using it. It really isn't worth me paying the fee the complex charges (I know, crazy) when I can't even use it at my convenience.

The stupid owner of the motorcycle took one of the prime parking spots. I'm sorry, but that Ninja can park ANYWHERE. It doesn't need to take up an ENTIRE parking space in our too small parking lot. Must find new apartment.

On my drive to work, I hit a bump causing me to spill my full RockStar on the floor of my car. Fun. Sticky fun. Not only are my floor mats covered in the day glow yellow liquid, but my shoes also fell victim to the spill. Despite wiping them off, they still feel sticky. Grrrr.....

Gotta say, this week? Not going so well.

At least they are making an X4. That makes it a little better.

X-Men

2006-05-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

First, I really enjoyed X3. I was worried that I might not, that the new characters and the absent characters would be too hard to overcome. But Beast rocked. Kelsey, who knew you had it in you? Angel was hot. My only complaint about the new characters would be that there just wasn't enough screen time for them.

As I left the theater, I was filled with sadness. Not only because of the fates of some of my favorite characters, but because this might have been the end. Surely not, I said. This movie grossed 44 million in the first DAY. 20th Century Fox is not going to let this cash cow go.

Then today, I saw this and my world was happy again.

Fox Confirms X-Men 4
Despite the stupid title "X-Men: The Last Stand", Fox Head Tom Rothman has all but confirmed that there will indeed be an X-Men 4, and probably more after that as well. Now it's all well and good for him to say that now... but if X-Men 3 is a bomb (which we all know it won't be... even if it sucks) then those words will be quickly eaten.So why the title "The Last Stand" then? Well, according to the good folks over at Movie Hole, Rothman offers the following explanation:“It's the conclusion of this trilogy.
These three movies work as a trilogy. These characters in this relationship, it's the culmination of that saga. It's the culmination and the resolution of those relationships laid out in the first two movies. That doesn't mean never, I would ever say never again, but I will say that this brings that saga to an end. It's quite the way the last Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, brought that trilogy to a conclusion in terms of those characters, that's what this movie does. It goes all the way back to the first one and rounds off and completes that three-part story."
Perhaps someone should tell Rothman that the end of the Lord of the Rings was indeed actually the end of the whole series. He might have missed that part. So all this talk of "this is the end of THIS saga". This particular story line in X-Men is indeed finished... but there are more to come.

Oh JOY! I can't wait to see how they write themselves out of this hole. Perhaps it was all a dream that Jean Grey had while in a catatonic state? That would be very Dallas of them.

DVD Release Dates

2006-05-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

DVDs that cannot release soon enough...

Veronica Mars: Season 2 - August 22

Lost: Season 2 - September 22

Queer as Folk: Season 5 - May 30

Supernatural: Season 1 - September 5

No cover art released yet. It was difficult finding a pic of the two brothers without Jensen Ackles being covered in blood or mud.

No word on when Alias will release.

Center Stage

2006-05-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

I love this movie.

If it is on, I will watch it. I really wished I owned it so that I could watch it whenever I wanted. I just can't get enough of it.

The red costume. So scandalous!

Peter Gallagher and his magnificent eyebrows that I long to wrap around myself.

Nightmare

2006-05-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

So, I had a nightmare last night.

In my dream, Special T and YayCoffee showed up to my apartment unannounced. The door to my guest room was open.

And they saw.

They saw the room.

The room I have not only NOT cleaned since I moved in, but that I never took the time to unpack. The room that I keep throwning things into rather than actually put them in their proper place. There are about a bagillion things I would rather do than clean that room. That room makes even me uncomfortable, which is why the door is ALWAYS closed.

They saw the room. And they stopped being my friends.

Mama Brit

2006-05-19T07:00:00.001-07:00

The delicate fabric of reality might fold. I am about to defend Britney Spears. I know. Usually, I am the first to mock her. But "they" are attacking her parenting skills. Aside from the no car seat thing, most of her mess ups have been typical first time parent things. I think people should give her a break. Trips and falls and accidents happen. It is part of life. I mean, I feel into a space heater when I was four, but CPS didn't descend on my parents.

Convo with Josh

2006-05-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

This is from a while back, but I am sure everyone will find it as amusing as me and Josh do.

Josh and I used provide tech support for this company in Austin. The company's product was truly a piece of crap. It had the unique distinction of being both released too early and being behind on technology. But the iOpener is not the point of this story.

Josh and I share many passions: photography, Nestle's Quik Vanilla (never look at the nutritional information), cute boys, analyzing the inane, setting of overly sensitive car alarms. But the interest that truly cemented our friendship was the love of Hershey's Almond bars. We would wax poetically for hours about the bar. Below is a conversation we had about the Hershey's bar.

MAV: Let's go get a Hershey's bar.
Josh: Yes! Let's go.
MAV: Okay.
MAV and Josh: *purchase bars and sit at table*
Josh: I love the Hershey bar, but it doesn't have enough almonds. It needs more.
MAV: Yeah, but they only put one almond per letter.
Josh: *turns his bar over and counts* You're right! I can't believe you know that!
MAV: *shrugs and giggles*

Several days later we take another Hershey's break.

Josh: Look at this! My bar only has 7 almonds.
MAV: Really? Quality control has really gone down at the Hershey's factory. You should alert them.
Josh: I will.

He composes this email (paraphrased)

Dear Hershey's,

I purchase a Hershey's Almond bar today. It only had seven almonds. I am aware of your one almond per letter standard and wanted to alert you to the fact that my second H was without an almond. I wanted to bring this to your attention.

Sincerely,
Josh

---

Here is the response we received.

Dear Josh,

We are sad to learn that you received a substandard Hershey's Almond bar. If you will send in the bar, we will replace it with a bar containing the correct number of almonds.

Thank you,
Hershey's Corp.

---
Sadly, the bar had already been eaten, but I do keep my eye out for an inaccurately almonded bar.

Bargian

2006-05-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

I just discovered a fabulous site. It has unbelievable prices on mobile phone, MP3 player, laptop and PDA accessories. I mean, seriously great prices. I just bought two car chargers and a new set of retractable iPod ear buds for $25. How awesome is that? I got a $32 charger for $7. Amazing!

Here are some other awesome deals...

Dell laptop battery: $63.90 - regularly $122.90
Bluetooth set - $39.90 - regularly $139.90
USB cord for iPod - $11.90 - regularly $35.99
Lithium phone battery - $12.90 - regularly $52.90

If you need new accessories, check this site out.

Target Employee Song

2006-05-09T14:03:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to the Target Employee Motivational Song. It is probably one of the funniest things I have seen on the internet like all day. And I saw some pictures of Oompa Loompa Simpson's oddly sagging boobs.

The Summer of Bloody Marys and Big Glasses

2006-05-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

Orange is the New Nude

2006-05-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

I thought I would be able to let this pass without mocking, but I was wrong. Jessica presenting at the ALMA Awards.

Adam Rodriguez Inner Thoughts: Do not look at her. Must not giggle. Do not look at her. Must not giggle.

Jessica Simpson Inner Thoughts: Nick is totally gonna be jealous. The partiratzi are going to say I am dating both these guys.

Jay Hernandez Inner Thoughts: She's orange. No really. She is actually orange from head to toe. Also, I don't think she is really a Latina.

Adam: Do not look at her. Must not giggle. Oh no. About to lose it. I will stab myself with my keys. The pain will prevent the giggles. Ow! No, she is still hilarious.

Jessica: Where is Alma? I was told I would get to meet her. Oh my gah! Is that Nick talking to Eva Laboria? How did he get in here? He isn't a person of color!

Jay: No. Definitely not Latin. We are a brown people. She is orange. Adam: Oh no, I think I nicked an artery.

Adam: Must.Not.Laugh. How is it taking her this long to read one line?

Jessica: Gah! My boobs hurt. Why did Ashleeeeeee not have to get implanted? And her new nose doesn't look that great. Mine is much better.

Jay: Does anyone else smell creamsicles?

Party Weekend

2006-05-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

Parties make people crazy. It is true. We do things we wouldn't normally do. We say things we wouldn't normally say. People make out. People break down. It is alcohol fueled insanity. This weekend's party was no different.

I made the trek to Nacagdoches for my friend Chris' Annual 29th Birthday Party. When he showed the container I would be using for the punch, I knew we were in for an interesting night. It was a huge Rubbermaid container. You could have fit at least one body in there, several if they were quite small and bendy. We bought much liquor just for the punch. I had the grand idea of soaking the fruit in the rum all afternoon prior to making the punch. This was a brilliant idea as the punch did not burn going down despite the presence of several bottles of Everclear. And most of us never got drunk. Just really, really happy. And no hangover the next day. That is the way to do it.

Here are the highlights of the party:

Jennifer asking two lesbians exactly how they had sex. Did they use tools or was it more of a tactile approach? She never got an answer.

My announcement that I had inappropriate lust of Supernanny. She has this naughty librarian thing going on that I really like.

George's many costume changes including his barely there Indian costume (complete with wig and lack of undies) and his Speedo though he never got into the pool that I saw.

Lindsay the Whiner's party breakdown. I thought we might be spared the breakdown this year, but I was wrong. Apparently she REALLY likes being the designated driver and gets really upset if anyone else drive. Absolute hysterics that she did not drive John and Kim home instead of Tiffany. She proceed to sit at our table and scream out that she needed Chris - he was the only one who would understand.

Me coming very close to punching Lindsay the Whiner after a highly catty comment to me. I abstained (mostly cause I have never punched anyone and this girl was rather large and would have probably beat my ass if she could see through the tears) and instead opted to go watch the George show (who knew what he would be wearing now)

George's stripping money being stolen. This was just sad.

Chris' delight over my gift of the first season of Knots Landing. Though we did have to admit that the first seasons of those shows were never as good since the main villainness did not usually arrive until second season. See Woodward, Amanda; Carrington, Alexis; Sumner, Abby.

Quiz

2006-05-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I am jumping on the quiz bandwagon. See how well you know me...

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/linkquiz03.php?quizname=060503150012-135716&

Tentative Birthday Plans

2006-05-04T06:51:00.000-07:00

Just in case you were wondering what I want to do for my birthday...

Books

2006-05-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

YayCoffee wrote a post about how she got rid of a whole bunch of books over the weekend. I would like to do the same, but I can't. I don't want to. I like my books.

Sure, they take up a lot of space that limits the addition of new books.

Sure, I rarely re-read them.

I know all of this, but I can't part with them. They are like old friends. They are badges of honor. In fact, I dream of an entire room dedicated to books (some call it a library, I hear). I want floor to ceiling, built-in bookshelves. I want to fill them with my books, my accomplishments. And that is what they are: accomplishments. See that book? I read that. Look at all these books. I read them all. Of course, there are a great deal of chick lit books in my collection, so the display will probably be less impressive. But the sheer quantity will make visitors release tiny gasps of awe.

But, I don't have this dream room (library). I only have my apartment and its limited shelf space. I have things where I like them, so I can't just shove books onto the already occupied shelves. It would mess with the aestetic. So, I dream of bookshelves for my spare room. It is the only solution. I tried to join book swapping/sharing sites and could only bring myself to list about 3 books. And even with those 3 books I thought I could live without, I felt a tug at my heart as I dropped them in the mail to go off to their new owners. My tiny, paperback friends were leaving me. I had to quit the sites after that.

Weird lip

2006-05-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a little odd in many ways. First, I massively overslept despite the addition of a really loud alarm clock across the room which I must get OUT of bed and walk to in order to silence it. I still snoozed for 2 hours. Is there no solution? Must I pull a Special T and actually put the alarm clock IN the bathroom to get me out of bed and into the shower in a timely manner?

Second, I drank my first Rockstar ever. It was pretty good, but I think that my insides might now actually glow yellow. I imagine people watching me through thermal binoculars or whatever, and my spot would glow bright yellow leading me to be incorrectly classified as an alien.

Third, I guilted YayCoffee into letting me come over and watch Veronica Mars and House (DVR is not completely superior to the VCR). I also made her let me watch Gilmore Girls. Do you know what she did while I watched Gilmore Girls? She cooked dinner for us. How nice is that? I am a sucky friend as I never prepare dinner for my guests. I sometimes order us Chinese food since I have them on speed dial, but I rarely cook.

Finally, YayCoffee convinced me to Nair my upper lip. Now it feels weird. It doesn't tingle or anything. It just feels not right. It seems slightly rubbery and like some sort of goop is still on it. I have washed the lip several times and am certain it is goop free. But I still have phantom goop feelings. The lip might feel weird, but at least it is hairless. Now I can go and have my eyebrows waxed without the waxing lady making me feel like a Yetti. Really, asking me once if I would like my lip waxed is enough. Six times is just rude.

Personal Vocabulary

2006-04-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

Ever realize that a phrase has entered your personal vocabulary and wonder why that phrase or word made the cut?

I was talking to Donnie last night while driving home. I was coming up on a toll plaza and as I needed to exit right away, I opted to move to the right and use one of the 75 cent lanes. The car ahead of me was stopped. I noticed too late that the driver had dropped his change and was having to scoop it off the ground. So, in my frustration, I said, "Frick!" without even realizing what I was saying.

Donnie was all, did you just say frick? Yes. Yes, I had. Somehow that silly word from Scrubs had entered my vocabulary.

A few days earlier, I realized that I regularly say "pook" when something doesn't go right. Like there is a phantom car in the parking space or I break a nail. Pook! seems to be my standard response lately. I guess this is a good thing since my sailor-esque swearing was getting out of control. But pook? As in the expression that Ms. Meers used in Thoroughly Modern Millie? Pook? Really?

Convos With YayCoffee

2006-04-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things is hanging out with YayCoffee at the Afrah Bakery. I don't know what it is about the place, but we immediately become the hugest dorks when we go there. It's possibly something in the coffee. A while back, YayCoffee and I were at the Afrah. If you haven't been, you must. It is highly entertaining and quite tasty. Try the Akawi or the Arayiss pie. You will thank me. Anyway, our servers always tend to be quite amusing. Sometimes, it is the way they think I am incredibly silly for wanting creamer in my Arabic coffee. Other times, it is the waitress' Valley Girl way of speaking.

Valley Girl Waitress: Oh, is that a puppy on your shirt? Cuuuuute.
YayCoffee: *opens cardigan* No, it's Billy Corgan.
VGW: Oh, cuuuuuuuute.
YC: *looks confused*
MAV: *stifles giggles*

Mind you, this is the shirt that features a bald, covered in blood or afterbirth or raspberry jam Billy Corgan. The shirt is many things, but cuuuuuuuuute really isn't one of them.

Another time, we were at the Afrah and asked for our bill with credit cards. The easily confused waiter brought out our receipts but neglected to bring a pen.

Easily Confused Waiter: Here are your receipts.
MAV: *sees there are no pens, immediately begins to root through her purse*
ECW: Oh no, I forgot the pens.
YC: No problem.
MAV: *pulls pen out with a flourish* Yeah, we are writers. We come armed.
ECW: Well, I guess that is better than a gun or something.
MAV & YC: *in unison* The pen is mightier than the sword.
ECW: *is confused*
MAV & YC: *are dorks, giggle uncontrollably*

The MAVS Make The MAV Drink

2006-04-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

First, the MAVS have been making me oversleep. See, their games come on UPN. Well, that is the station that shows the ever addictive America's Next Top Model and Veronica Mars. And if the episodes are on, I want to see them. Therefore, I am forced, FORCED, to stay up to watch the new episodes until the wee hours of the evening. We are talking like MIDNIGHT. Whoa. That is late for me. I likes my sleep. Anyway, so as a result, I will end up oversleeping the next morning. So the MAVS make me late.

This morning, in my sleep deprived fog, I went to get my Tab Energy drink out of the fridge as I was leaving. But instead of the cute little pink drink, I picked up a Corona which I didn't realize until I was almost out the door. There are so many problems with that scenario, least of which is that everyone knows Corona does not have a twist off cap and requires a bottle opener. I don't keep on of those in my car anymore! Oh yeah, and the drinking in the morning thing. So, the MAVS make me drink. In the morning. On my way to work.

Convo with Diva

2006-04-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

This is kind of an old conversation, but it is one of the favorite I have ever had with the Diva.

DIVA: this week flew by for me
MAV: Only one more.
DIVA: i know
MAV: I wrote that as moor.
DIVA: lol
MAV: Like the moors Heathcliff would be all emo on.
MAV: Heathcliff: original emo kid.
DIVA: TOTALLY.
DIVA: Heathcliff was one step away from eyeliner and torn frock coats.
DIVA: all in black, of course.
MAV: Are you certain he didn' thave torn frock coats?
DIVA: you know, i think his frock coats might have been a little ratty
DIVA: now that you mention it.

DIVA: snarky about fine literature. we rule.
MAV: Totally.

Convo With Z-Ho

2006-04-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of the previous day's conversation about whether I was fit to be the owner of a rabbit and how the rabbits oversized feet are one of the things that make them so freaking adorable...

MAV: Check this out. Big bunny...

Z-HO: There you go.....you should get one like that...the size of dog but the calmess of a rabbit. That one will chill with you on the couch.

MAV: That one could possibly trample me.

Z-HO: No way, might cut off some circulation if you let it sit on your lap for a while but if you avoid you'd be fine.

MAV: He would probably borrow my shoes and stretch them out.

Z-HO: Ooooooh.....maybe!!! and that would be bad...but I don't think so...it looks like that "i'm just going to chill" kind of rabbit.

MAV: An "I'm just going to chill in your new Nine West heels" kind of rabbit.

Z-HO: they don't know which ones are Nine West silly....

I've Been Omar-ized

2006-04-24T07:39:00.000-07:00

It was an event-filled weekend.

The highlights:
Dinner at Outback with YayCoffee. Steak = good. We won't discuss the fact that Delicious Dish stood me up.

But she made up for it by arriving at Ozona early on Saturday and had a Bloody Mary waiting on me. Well, at least the ginormous glass of vodka was waiting on me. While the food at Ozona might be overpriced and a tad underwhelming, the Bloody Mary bar more than makes up for it. So yeah, I had two bloody marys for breakfast/lunch. What? That's healthy. I practically had a salad.

Next, DD and I headed out to Om where we bought some ridiculously large glasses for ourselves and YayCoffee. They are really, really big. Nicole Ritchie would even dismiss them as a little much. But they make me and DD endlessly happy.

Then we went to Gachet (home of the best coffee in the world according to YC) for some caffeine before the Black Angels show at Good Records. I didn't know much about the Black Angels, but it was a REALLY good show. I had a lot of fun. Plus, the hot intern was there. He hugged me. I haven't bathed since. DD is right about the Black Angels. They do sound like dirty rockers that hang out in a basement, smoking pot for days at a time. Normally, I am not into the dirty rockers, but I was seriously contemplating becoming a groupie. Hot rockers!

We hit Snuffer's for some cheese fries and drinks next. I would like to say that after one margarita and two Coronas I was by no means drunk (too hot outside for that) and not letting me drive seemed silly.

After some hanging at Bagboy's, we went to see Friends With Money. It was underwhelming also. It seriously brought me down. I had to go home and watch some History Channel to get over it.

YayCoffee and I met up at Waffle House the next morning for brunch. The hashbrowns and waffles there make me want to weep with joy. If only the tables weren't so limited, it would be the perfect place.

We followed up brunch with another movie: American Dreamz....Dreams with a Z. Hee. See this movie. It is HILARIOUS. I laughed so hard that my sides hurt a little after the movie. Social satires rock! No one is safe from this movie. The best were the showtune singing Iraqi guy, Omar, and his possibly-gay cousin. You've been Omar-ized. Hee.

So, that was my action packed weekend, jealous?

Little Caesar's Girl

2006-04-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Girl Outside of Little Caesar's That Smiled At Me,

You could have TOLD me my pants were unzipped instead of just laughing at me.

Thanks,
MAV

How to Write a Gothic Poem

2006-04-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

An awesome WikiHow I discovered today.

Do you daily suffer the torments of a thousand deaths? Is your soul aching to express your unfathomable pain? Look no further! Here's a quick overview of crafting a work in one of the world's most highly esteemed poetic genres.

Note: This is intended to be a guide for writing simple and stereotypical, even humerous, gothic poetry, nothing to be taken too seriously.

Steps
Start with a topic. This expansive genre encompasses a huge range of topics -- just kidding.

Choose either "death" or "pain," anything else isn't truly goth. Anger is okay sometimes, but make sure that your anger involves either death or pain. Rejection is out. You aren't allowed to fall in love in the first place. Note: Feeling really adventurous? Try both at once!

Think of a title. Choose either one simple, minimalistic word (i.e. "Anger" or "Darkness") OR an incredibly long, flowing title with at 'least' five syllables. It still has to be abstract, though, and throwing in oxymorons can always help. Think "The First Light of Midnight" or "Exotic Darkness' Hidden Mistress."

With the hard part out of the way, outline the poem. Anything goes in this step, as you'll soon revise it. A short example: "my twisted soul can no longer fly//darkness rips at my blinding eyes"

Take out all capitalization, especially of the word "I." The only things allowed to be capitalized are references to Death, Pain, Torment, and the names of Greek gods/goddesses (see "Tips").

Remove all punctuation that might either improve the flow of the poem or be grammatically correct. Add random ellipses to at least half the lines.

Read through your poem. If there's any hint of hope, happiness, etc., cut that section, or change it to something about darkness.

The poem cannot rhyme at all. Also, it must contain the words "darkness," "torment," "black," and "soul" at least once.

Make some random line breaks. This is called "free verse." This step serves many purposes, including making the poem seem longer and making your ideas more abstract. Put as many as you like -- there is no limit. If a line almost actually sounds poetic, slice it in half. Or put the last word on its own line.

Tips
No "good" gothic poem can get by without a reference to razors. There are two typical ways to look at them: either love them ("i long to feel the touch of the blade once more") or treat them like a drug you want to quit ("if only the blood could stop flowing//i cannot stop this//sweet Escape").

Reference Persephone (who was kidnapped by Hades and forced to live half of every year in the underworld), Orpheus (a poet who tried to rescue his wife from Hades), Eurydice (the wife of Orpheus), Tantalus (doomed to forever sit in pool of water with grapes hanging overhead but not be able to touch them), the Cimmerii (people who lived in eternal darkness), or other ancient Greek/Roman tragic stories. These make your poem seem almost like real poetry!

Diction is what can make or break your poem. Use words that sound goth -- ephemeral, vorpal, evanescent, phlegmatic, atramentous, etc. It doesn't even matter if you use them correctly, as long as your audience doesn't know the difference. Also, use the word "rape" generously ("the Darkness rapes my tortured//soul").

Blood is never red. It can be crimson, cerise -- even erubescent -- but never red. Also, instead of "bloody," try "ensanguined."

Throw in some random Latin. "Memento mori" (literally, "remember mortality," but commonly used as "remember you must die") is a big hit, as are "nox" (night), "clavicula" (key), and "caligo" (gloom or mental darkness). It doesn't matter if you actually know Latin...just use some random phrases and mock anyone who questions you. Note: Latin can make for some good titles.

Keep all of your poems in a small, black notebook hidden somewhere in your room. If your notebook isn't black, draw abstract designs on it with a black pen. Don't let your mom see it.
Have a computer read your poems with a text-to-speech program. There is no match for the ensuing artistic beauty.

Always write out numbers, but the only numbers you actually need to use in any of your poems would be thirteen and six (six feet under).

Nyquil in the Dark

2006-04-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

You know what sucks more than being sick? Stumbling to the medicine cabinet in the dark and realizing one restless, sleepless night later that you took Dayquil instead of Nyquil. Yeah. Sucks.

Match.com Mix-up

2006-04-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

I joined Match.com recently in an attempt to find myself a man. I filled out my profile information, attempting to be witty yet clear about my requirements. Then, I anxiously awaited my matches. I didn't get any winks or emails the first few days. That seemed odd, but I didn't think much of it. I got my first set of matches. I eagerly sifted through them. I ran across one that was amusing...

It is also important that anyone I become friends with have a very adept and off sense of humour, that is you find shows like "South Park" and "Family Guy" funny, and you know how to tell a joke with out messing up the punch line, or getting all embarrassed if it's lewd or off colour. Therefore, to sum up every thing I am shy straight acting guy that is looking to make new acquaintances in the Dallas area, which share like interests and would be willing to get to know me and let me get to know you. I am looking to settle down with that special guy some day, but not right away, after the first time we meet. You know…friends first.

DivaJess and I giggled over that "special guy" part, assuming that it was just a typo or editing mistake. It happens to the best of us.

A few days later, I got some more matches. There were some really good guys in the mix. So, I sent out a few winks and emails and hoped for the best. Nothing. Oh, well, I thought, these things probably take time. I received another batch of matches. I started looking a little more closely at the matches. I noticed this one has man seeking man. I know I am not going to find my perfect match, but orientation seems like a deal breaker. I looked at another profile. It was also man seeking man. I looked at all the people to whom I had sent winks. All of them were men seeking men. What was going on? I checked my profile. Somehow, my gender had gotten inadvertently switched to male. Oopsy. Well, that explains the lack of response.

I am just curious about what these poor guys thought.

Flags

2006-04-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

I heard a report on the news today that many Dallas schools have banned flags of any kind to be worn, displayed or flown. Apparently, the animosity between Hispanic and American students was reaching a fever pitch with the flags of their respective countries being displayed like gang symbols. Thoughts?

Suicide

2006-04-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

A teenager in my hometown committed suicide yesterday. She hung herself in her home and was found by her mother. Unfortunately, it wasn't soon enough. She was life flighted to Houston where she remained in a coma with no brain activity. She was on life support until they could better access the brain damage. She died this morning.

I don't have any of the facts. No one seems to know why she did it. She was my neighbor, part of the family that owned Zoe, the fat wiener dog. She was a smart, pretty, popular girl. While a little too wild and rebellious, she was very likeable. When I substituted at her school, we talked about colleges and how she really wanted to go to Europe after graduation. It is just unbelievable that such a girl would feel so desperate.

Growing up in a small town is extremely difficult for anyone who is different. It is hard to go unnoticed in such small numbers. In larger schools, there are so many people that you can just stick to your friends and fly under the radar for the most part. But when there are only 7 other people in your English class, you can't just go unnoticed. To the adults, you are supposed to be a good, Christian girl who wants to meet a good Christian boy, get married and start a family. To your peers, you are supposed to go with the crowd. If there is a party, you should be there. If there is drinking, you should partake. If there is weed, you are supposed to take a hit. You should listen to the same music and share the same like and dislikes. The worst thing you can do is be labeled as different. Unique is not a good thing.

And worse, is that it seems like there is no one to talk to. No one can truly understand your misery. I cannot even imagine what some of my gay friends must have went through in high school, carrying either that stigma or that secret. My struggle was nothing compared to theirs, I am sure. The point being is that in a small town, you feel very lonely if you are different. The days just seem to drag on, one after the other. Nothing new seems to happen. You just wait until that day when you can finally be through with it.

It makes me very sad that this girl felt so desperate. Was it drugs? Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Was it a friend? Was it lack of friends? Was it just plain misery? No one knows at this point. Everyone is just left with questions without answers. I wish that this girl had been able to find the happiness or acceptance that she must have wanted so badly.

Thank You For Smoking and more

2006-04-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

Special T and I saw Thank You For Smoking yesterday. First, movies at the Magnolia rock. I want to go to this theater more often. Sure, it can be a little hectic finding parking, but the full bar more than makes up for it! Second, the movie rocked. HiLARious! Aaron Eckhart had me giggling the entire movie. Imagine Buddy the Elf (from Elf) as a tobacco lobbiest. Rick Naylor (AE's character) was just so happy. Nothing got him down. Plus, the rest of the cast was awesome. Seriously, go see this movie. It is worth $8.50. It is worth $8.50, a bag of popcorn and a large soda. Most movies I have seen recently have been good, but they drug in parts and could have benefited from a stern editing (V for Vendetta, I am looking at you). Not this movie. I was entertained from the first moment of the movie until the very end. Really, see this movie. I will go with you if you need a movie buddy. But don't get mad if I keep jabbing you in the ribs and saying, "Oh, this part is going to be really funny. Oh, and this part coming up, it's gonna be really hilarious. Oh, this next part, GENIUS!"

So, I went to Canton on Saturday for the First Monday Trade Days with Special T and YayCoffee. I was really excited because I was taking my friends with me for the first time. Sure, Special T has gone with me before, but this time, I was the leader. I was the veteran. Normally, I go with my mom and sister. I didn't realize how much I just followed them around. I was certain I would be able to find the good potpourri place and the good candle place. I was wrong. I got overwhelmed. I was hot. It just didn't work out like I wanted. I couldn't find anything I was looking for. It was frustrating. So, I ended up driving 2 hours for a $5 scoop of potpourri. Not exactly a fruitful journey.

HOWEVER, we did go over to Dog Alley (the flea market section) to look at the animals. For years now, I have heard of people getting dogs at Canton. Poodles, maltese, weiner dogs, yorkies, labs, whatever. So, I guess I was expecting like a ginormous outdoor pet store. I was mistaken. There didn't seem to be a wide dog selection. There were lots of little nervous, yippy rat dogs. There were lots of labs and other such puppies which were REALLY cute. They were just so fluffy. Fluff goes a long way! But no weiner dogs (well, one place had a couple of minitures, but I disapprove of miniture dogs as they tend to be all twitchy)! I was very sad. I guess it is a good thing that I never did go there with my mom. She would have been heartbroken at the lack of weiner dogs. She had been plotting to bring one back from Canton for about a year. Boy would Dad have been surprised! Anyway, what Dog Alley did have were LOTS of cute bunnies. I really regret not taking pictures. Because there were some interesting rabbits there. There were at least three GIANT rabbits. And by giant, I mean there were at least two feet long. They were like DOG sized! When the rabbit is larger than the goat in the next cage, you know you have a big rabbit. One of the giants was an English Lop with these freakishly long ears. Seriously, they drug the ground. It just doesn't seem practical. I did find some cute little Holland Lops that really wanted to come home with me. But sadly, I did not purchase a rabbit this past weekend. I can't make the same guarantee for this coming weekend. I am going to the North Texas Rabbit Sanctuary. Did you know such a thing existed? It is a shelter for rabbits. Awesome. And, in McKinney, they have a rabbit habitat for all the rabbits that have not found a home. They can stay there for as long as necessary or forever. Pretty cool. They get to hang out and hop around. Sounds cool to me.

I should get to work. More later.

Celebrity Cooking Showdown

2006-03-31T07:12:00.000-08:00

No. I am not making it up. The newest reality show is Celebrity Cooking Showdown. And what network is carrying this show? The Food Network? Perhaps The Travel Channel? Maybe Bravo or A&E? Nope. NBC.

The summary from NBC...
Nine culinary-minded stars team with celebrity chefs including Wolfgang
Puck, Cat Cora and Govind Armstrong to whip up this eventful new reality cooking competition series!

From Zap2it...

NBC has finalized the sorta-famous kitchen crew for its week-long "Celebrity
Cooking Showdown," and the cast has a distinct "Dancing with the Stars" vibe.

The group includes an all-pro football player, a hip-hop star, a self-effacing veteran actor, a statuesque athlete/actress, a soap-opera star and a former boy-band singer, job descriptions straight from the "Dancing" playbook. In this case, those roles are filled by Kansas City Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez, Ja Rule, Tom Arnold, Gabrielle Reece, "Days of Our Lives'" Allison Sweeney and O-Town/"There and Back" star Ashley Parker Angel.

Yes. You read that correctly. Ja Rule. JA RULE. That pretty much does it for his street cred, I think. And Allison Sweeney, a.k.a. Sami Brady. Wow. She will probably just steal someone's souffle while it is baking, change the medical records and claim it is her souffle.

I thought that Skating with Celebrities was the saddest and silliest that reality could get, but I was so wrong. Wow. Celebrity Cooking Showdown. I might just have to watch this trainwreck.

Oh my! I just found out that Puff Daddy is producing this show! Oh and Naomi Campbell is being listed as a participant. No Naomi! Say it isn't so. Well, if it must be so, please tell me that you will be slapping people around. That would be good TV. Come to think of it, Naomi "Do I Have To Slap A Bitch" Campbell and Sami Brady in a room filled with knives...this could be the most awesome thing EVER.

Bunnies!!!

2006-03-29T11:06:00.000-08:00

So, I am thinking about adopting a rabbit. After speaking to Babs, I think it might be a good pet choice for me. I am away from the apartment for many hours out of the day since I work in Lewisville. I am allergic to cats. I want something that doesn't bite and that I can pet. Rabbits seem like a good choice. Anyone that has some advice or experiences to share, good or bad, post them.

I am thinking of getting this one maybe... Meet Butterscotch.

Intern

2006-03-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

The office intern is so cute that sometimes I can't stand it. Must not lust after the intern. Must not lust after the intern.

Breakups

2006-03-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

Breakups are hard. Everyone knows this. It is difficult to let go of someone that has been such a huge part of your life. Your identity. But sometimes, you just have to let go. You have to admit that you have grown apart. That you aren't the same as when you met. While this person meant a great deal to you in one part of your life, now, at this time, there just isn't the same meaning, the same depth to your relationship. You have outgrown each other. The time eventually comes when you have to let go.

I am breaking up with The Edge. I know. "Alternative Radio" and I have been together for a long time. I first met "Alternative Radio" in college. It was that fast, immediate love that everyone wants. We spent so much time together. Trips to the grocery store, lazy afternoons while I read or studied, road trips a plenty. "Alternative Radio" was so important to me, so much a part of who I was. With out "Alternative Radio," I never would have randomly gone to College Station for Crawfish Fest. Without "Alternative Radio," I would not have seen many of my favorite bands, or maybe never have even known about those bands. I would have been miserable on car trips. Visiting Pineland, or living there after college, would have been torture. "Alternative Radio" was there for me.

But then, somewhere along the line, things changed. "Alternative Radio" started experimenting with Angry White Boy music. I tried to understand and be supportive. I listened to Limp Bizkit. I had the Godsmack CD. But then one day, "Alternative Radio" was not the same person I fell in love with. "Alternative Radio" was suddenly spending all his time with people like Nickleback. I mean, I tried to understand, but really, a girl has her limits. Why couldn't it be like it was in the beginning? When we both loved Weezer and Pearl Jam? When we were giddy over the new Foo Fighters song? When we explored new bands that were fun and interesting? What happened to us? How did we end up so far apart? I want to spend my morning listening to fun music, not listening to some asinine, misogynist DJ mock people. How did we become so different? Why do I get so much more joy out of hearing Carl Castle as I drive? I used to give that same sort of passion to "Alternative Radio." Now, I would actually prefer to listen to KISS FM instead. At least I am safe from screeching on that station. Well, usually.

It's sad, and it's very hard. I never thought this would happen to us. But it has. We will try to remain part of each others lives, but never in the same way. I'll try to catch up with "Alternative Radio" from time to time. When someone was that big of a part of your life, I would think a complete break would be impossible. But for now, I am going to stick to NPR, Stella, my Mini and audiobooks.

I can't believe its over.

Phone Calls

2006-03-23T13:25:00.000-08:00

Why does my apartment manager insist on calling me while I am at work? She knows that I work between the hours of 7 and 6 every day. Why can she not call me in the evenings, when I am at home, not working!?!?

Did I fill out a maintenance request? Yes. Then why must you call me to let me know that you are letting the repairman into my apartment? Why?

And also, when I have sent an email listing repairs TWICE AND narrated the list to you in person, why should I be inconvenienced during my work day for you to call and ask me to send the list AGAIN? No, you screwed up and lost it. Plan ahead and call me the night before. Leave a note on my door. Something. Just stop calling me at work. Do I call you while you are at your other job? No. Please. Some courtesy.

Also, needing the number for Dell is not an important enough reason for you to call me at work. Look it up on their webpage just like I would have to do.

Grrr. Phone etiquette. Did it EVER exist?

Some Quick Hits

2006-03-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

I don't really have enough material for a full post, so here are some quick hits:

I feel guilty about posting on top of the Thomas Bickle post. So, to find out more about the little guy or to find out how to help, go to his blog.

It is 11:37. I just realized that though I have ear buds in my ears, no music is coming from them. This is probably the longest I have gone before I realized I never started the music this morning. It's on of those days.

Excel mysteriously disappeared from my computer. Could it be related to this post?

I have decided that beginning this weekend, I will begin my "healthy life" kick again. No drinking. No fatty foods. Lots of exercise. No sodas. Minimal sugar. Good carbs. Lean proteins. Maybe I will also start taking this. If you are interest in joining me in this revolution, let me know. You can harass me; I can lay guilt upon you. It'll be great. We can yoga together.

My neighbor was having a very animated conversation about flowers at 6:00 this morning. I like flowers, and I can usually function fairly early in the mornings. But if you call me and expect me to share your enthusiasm for flowers before I have had my morning think time, you will be VERY disappointed.

Where did all my winter clothes go? I distinctly remember NOT going naked from December to February, but each morning I puzzle over what I will wear in such cold weather.

Big love for Big Love. For those that don't know, it is HBO's latest series. It is about a man (Bill Paxton) who has three wives (Jeanne Tripplehorn, Chloe Sevigney, Ginnifer Goodwin, yay!). It is a very interesting look into a controversial practice. All of the characters are very flawed, yet very relateable. Think Six Feet Under, but instead of corpses there are lots of wives and children. Plus, Margene (played by the awesome Ginnifer Goodwin) has a hilarious blog. The first three episodes are OnDemand. Watch them.

So, I started watching The Evidence last night. You know, ABC's attempt to jump on the crime drama bandwagon. Here's a tip ABC: if I am watching The Evidence, I probably watch CSI and Law & Order. You don't need to explain how forensics work to me. Or that detectives can do things like trace calls. I am quite familiar, thankyouverymuch. The first epi was a little slow, but I will give it a few more weeks to pick up. You know, after they stop explaining how homicide investigations work.

Thomas Bickle and the Big, Bad, No Good Brain Tumor

2006-03-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

Meet Thomas Bickle.

For those of you that don't know, this baby (and his parents) are good friends of mine! I met Sarah and Scott Bickle in college, and we have been friends for over a decade (wow). They were even kind enough to let me crash with them when I first moved to Dallas.

In August, Sarah gave birth to Thomas Bickle. Thomas is the sweetest, best tempered baby you will ever meet. He has the sweetest smile. He has heart shaped nostrils. And he had a brain tumor.

The doctors have operated and removed the tumor, but there is a long way to go. If you can help, even a little bit, please do.

To find out what you can do to help or just to learn more, go to ThomasBickle.com.

The Bickles were featured in the Dallas Morning News on Monday. Here is the article from the Dallas Morning News. Forward that article to anyone you know who might be interested.

While everyone is maintaining a positive outlook, the future is both scary and uncertain. Scott has quit his job to stay home with Thomas. Thomas will start chemotherapy treatments very soon and, when he is old enough, radiation treatments. While Sarah's job does provide medical insurance, they are still confronted with mounting bills for lost time, the loss of half their income, mortgages, loan payments and various other bills. The Bickles are not extravagant people. They lead the least frivolous life of anyone I know. But between previous hospital bills and repairs and renovations on an aging house, their savings have already been depleted.

If you have the means, please help out these very deserving people. Any small amount will help.
HOW TO HELP
To donate to the Thomas Bickle Fund, go to http://www.thomasbickle.com/
Or donate at any Wells Fargo branch to Thomas Bickle, son of Scott and Sarah Bickle, account No. 1301.

How Not to Dispose of a Body

2006-03-16T21:20:00.000-08:00

Have shows like CSI and Law & Order made murders smarter when it comes to covering up their crimes? I mean, I had thought about weighting a body down and dumping it in an ocean or lake. I figured the fish would eat away at it. Apparenly, that is not a very full proof plan.

Kinky for Governor

2006-03-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

Here are some reasons why I think Kinky would be an awesome govenor for this fine state.

A true love of all things Texas. His writings make you really happy to live in this state.
Committment to bettering our environment even though such views are likely to get you lynched in "oil country."
Come on, a Jewish governor named Kinky. How awesome is that?
He makes salsa. I mean, that has nothing to do with running a state. It's just a fun fact.
His belief that teachers are heroes. Since they are the ones doing the educating, they should be in charge.
Since he isn't a professional politician, he owes NO ONE favors. He can just go in and start doing the job without worrying about lobbyists to pay back.
Health care for the poor.
Back to the independant thing... Since he doesn't owe any hacks a job, qualified people might stand a chance at holding positions of power.
He wants to give property owners 15% of their taxes back. Sorry we took too much. Here, it's yours. Thanks for the loan.
He couldn't do any worse than Rick Perry.
Why the hell not?