Breakups

Breakups are hard. Everyone knows this. It is difficult to let go of someone that has been such a huge part of your life. Your identity. But sometimes, you just have to let go. You have to admit that you have grown apart. That you aren't the same as when you met. While this person meant a great deal to you in one part of your life, now, at this time, there just isn't the same meaning, the same depth to your relationship. You have outgrown each other. The time eventually comes when you have to let go.

I am breaking up with The Edge. I know. "Alternative Radio" and I have been together for a long time. I first met "Alternative Radio" in college. It was that fast, immediate love that everyone wants. We spent so much time together. Trips to the grocery store, lazy afternoons while I read or studied, road trips a plenty. "Alternative Radio" was so important to me, so much a part of who I was. With out "Alternative Radio," I never would have randomly gone to College Station for Crawfish Fest. Without "Alternative Radio," I would not have seen many of my favorite bands, or maybe never have even known about those bands. I would have been miserable on car trips. Visiting Pineland, or living there after college, would have been torture. "Alternative Radio" was there for me.

But then, somewhere along the line, things changed. "Alternative Radio" started experimenting with Angry White Boy music. I tried to understand and be supportive. I listened to Limp Bizkit. I had the Godsmack CD. But then one day, "Alternative Radio" was not the same person I fell in love with. "Alternative Radio" was suddenly spending all his time with people like Nickleback. I mean, I tried to understand, but really, a girl has her limits. Why couldn't it be like it was in the beginning? When we both loved Weezer and Pearl Jam? When we were giddy over the new Foo Fighters song? When we explored new bands that were fun and interesting? What happened to us? How did we end up so far apart? I want to spend my morning listening to fun music, not listening to some asinine, misogynist DJ mock people. How did we become so different? Why do I get so much more joy out of hearing Carl Castle as I drive? I used to give that same sort of passion to "Alternative Radio." Now, I would actually prefer to listen to KISS FM instead. At least I am safe from screeching on that station. Well, usually.

It's sad, and it's very hard. I never thought this would happen to us. But it has. We will try to remain part of each others lives, but never in the same way. I'll try to catch up with "Alternative Radio" from time to time. When someone was that big of a part of your life, I would think a complete break would be impossible. But for now, I am going to stick to NPR, Stella, my Mini and audiobooks.

I can't believe its over.