Suicide

A teenager in my hometown committed suicide yesterday. She hung herself in her home and was found by her mother. Unfortunately, it wasn't soon enough. She was life flighted to Houston where she remained in a coma with no brain activity. She was on life support until they could better access the brain damage. She died this morning.

I don't have any of the facts. No one seems to know why she did it. She was my neighbor, part of the family that owned Zoe, the fat wiener dog. She was a smart, pretty, popular girl. While a little too wild and rebellious, she was very likeable. When I substituted at her school, we talked about colleges and how she really wanted to go to Europe after graduation. It is just unbelievable that such a girl would feel so desperate.

Growing up in a small town is extremely difficult for anyone who is different. It is hard to go unnoticed in such small numbers. In larger schools, there are so many people that you can just stick to your friends and fly under the radar for the most part. But when there are only 7 other people in your English class, you can't just go unnoticed. To the adults, you are supposed to be a good, Christian girl who wants to meet a good Christian boy, get married and start a family. To your peers, you are supposed to go with the crowd. If there is a party, you should be there. If there is drinking, you should partake. If there is weed, you are supposed to take a hit. You should listen to the same music and share the same like and dislikes. The worst thing you can do is be labeled as different. Unique is not a good thing.

And worse, is that it seems like there is no one to talk to. No one can truly understand your misery. I cannot even imagine what some of my gay friends must have went through in high school, carrying either that stigma or that secret. My struggle was nothing compared to theirs, I am sure. The point being is that in a small town, you feel very lonely if you are different. The days just seem to drag on, one after the other. Nothing new seems to happen. You just wait until that day when you can finally be through with it.

It makes me very sad that this girl felt so desperate. Was it drugs? Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Was it a friend? Was it lack of friends? Was it just plain misery? No one knows at this point. Everyone is just left with questions without answers. I wish that this girl had been able to find the happiness or acceptance that she must have wanted so badly.