Tipping Rant

I just read that Jennifer Aniston left less than a $4.00 tip on an almost $60 bill. This is just ridiculous. Bad tippers need to be summarily beaten in the streets in my opinion. Here is the thing, you tip your server. End of story. If there are extenuating circumstance, that is one thing, but for the most part, you tip. Always. And you tip accurately. This number would be between 15-20%. Twenty is the easiest.

Here is how you do it. You take a look at the last number on your bill. Now, multiply that number by 2. Yes. By 2. Now, move the decimal one place to the left. That is your tip. Got a $20 tab? Your tip is $4. 85 dollar tab? 17 dollar tip. It is really easy. If this high level math is too much for you, check your cell phone. I bet it has a calculator. You can type the numbers in there and calculate your tip. It's so easy!

Servers work really hard for not a lot of money. It is a job that provides the best pay for the most flexible hours. Really, you might think that these people make plenty of money, but they don't. They make about two dollars an hour without tips. Eating in restaurants is a choice. You are choosing to go to an establishment that will prepare and serve your food so you don't have to do it. They will even clean your dishes for you. And for this service, YOU TIP! Servers put up with a lot of shit. They split your meals. They give you separate checks. They refill glasses of soda that you suck down in under a minute. Whenever you request something special to your dish like holding the garlic, they receive a great deal of grief from the kitchen staff. But they do it to make you happy. Also, they are working to make several other tables with others such as yourself happy. They ask the kitchen to make macaroni and cheese for your sweet angel even though you are in a five star Italian restaurant. They locate ketchup for your salmon. They find you a different table on the other side of the restaurant because the one you were originally taken to was too close to the kitchen and you don't like the smell of pepper. They do this all without complaint. The only thing they ask in turn is that you pay them for their services.

Poor tipping is unacceptable. If you can't afford to tip accurately, then don't go to a restaurant, or at the very least, get your food to go. And if you make 10 million dollars per movie, then leave the correct tip. In fact, considering that the poor kid you just screwed over on the tip is the person you are hoping will go and see your steaming pile of shit you call a movie, you should tip more. Your rich friends aren't paying your salary. That kid is. And you can't part with a $10 bill? You suck, Rachel Green!