Disconnected
Since my mom passed away (geez, I am tearing up just typing it), I have felt really disconnected from everyone. It is hard to explain. I mean, I see people. I hang out with people. But I don't feel a part of things. That isn't to say I feel excluded or anything. I just feel out of place. Like that is a life I am not really a part of anymore. Like I just don't belong.
You know how it is when you go to visit old friends or family and they are living this life without you? It isn't necessarily bad. It just is.
That is kind of how I feel everywhere. Even here in Dallas. Which, in a way, sucks since this is currently my home. But it doesn't really feel that way. But I don't necessarily feel draw back to Pineland. Or Austin. Or anywhere. I just feel like I don't belong. I am homeless in a sense.
I feel sort of abandoned even though I am not. My friends have been wonderful. My family has been great. I have a phone full of people that I know I can call at any time. And plenty of people call and visit me. In fact, I am straining to remember the last weekend I spent alone. So, my feelings of abandonment, displacement, whatever are crazy, right?
What is missing other than the obvious? Am I craving an intimate relationship? Am I wanting a deep friendship? Do I need a BFF? Do I need to meet new people? I don't know. I am very confused.
posted by Kelly @ 1:08 PM
4 Comments:
*hugs*
Awwww. I'm thinking of you, and know that none of this will go away over night, but know that you have tons of us that love you. If you need to talk or just have someone sit with you and stare--call.
Yeah, ditto.
But you definitely don't need a BFF. You know what happened to Kenny when Cartman became his BFF.
In all seriousness, it's ok to be like this. I have a feeling that emotions like these combined with the "issue" that you were having in your last post probably make for an emotional chasm. But I wouldn't worry. You're the Rocky of emotional breakdowns, and I'm sure you'll kick the shit out of Mr. T.
Ha! Rocky and Mr. T - he's so right~
Anyway, you are SO way above most people right now. The fact that you recognize this disconnection is very healthy. Most people would see this, think they weren't loved and that could send them into a VERY unhealthy tailspin.
You see this and KNOW that you are loved and wanted and needed and have so many friends who WANT to be connected with you. Wow.
This too shall pass. It's part of the healing process. As long as you know your loved even though you feel disconnected - know that you will feel connected again...it just might take a while.
From Special-T...
I'm sorry. To state the obvious, the whole situation just sucks. But like yaycoffee and the keymaster said, we are here for you, for whatever you need!
And now, for no particular reason other than I just really like them, here are some movie quotes that will hopefully bring a smile to your face...
Say Anything:
Lloyd Dobler: "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."
Steel Magnolias:
Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.
My Best Friend’s Wedding:
Julianne: "I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum."
Michael: "Lower. The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way. It's pretty flattering."
Julianne: "Except it makes me fungus."
Never Been Kissed:
Josie Geller: That'll teach me to wear white pants after labor day.
Gibby Zerefski: Nobody's worn white pants after 1983.
And finally, the most quotable of all movies...
Office Space:
Peter Gibbons: When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"
Lawrence: Shit, no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.
Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
[Stuck in traffic]
Samir: Mother-shitter! Son of an ass! I just-
[punches steering wheel]
Milton Waddams: Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.
Peter Gibbons: It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
[Staring at the constantly malfunctioning office printer.]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?!
Bob Slydell: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.
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