Celebrity Cooking Showdown

No. I am not making it up. The newest reality show is Celebrity Cooking Showdown. And what network is carrying this show? The Food Network? Perhaps The Travel Channel? Maybe Bravo or A&E? Nope. NBC.

The summary from NBC...

Nine culinary-minded stars team with celebrity chefs including Wolfgang
Puck, Cat Cora and Govind Armstrong to whip up this eventful new reality cooking competition series!

From Zap2it...

NBC has finalized the sorta-famous kitchen crew for its week-long "Celebrity
Cooking Showdown," and the cast has a distinct "Dancing with the Stars" vibe.

The group includes an all-pro football player, a hip-hop star, a self-effacing veteran actor, a statuesque athlete/actress, a soap-opera star and a former boy-band singer, job descriptions straight from the "Dancing" playbook. In this case, those roles are filled by Kansas City Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez, Ja Rule, Tom Arnold, Gabrielle Reece, "Days of Our Lives'" Allison Sweeney and O-Town/"There and Back" star Ashley Parker Angel.

Yes. You read that correctly. Ja Rule. JA RULE. That pretty much does it for his street cred, I think. And Allison Sweeney, a.k.a. Sami Brady. Wow. She will probably just steal someone's souffle while it is baking, change the medical records and claim it is her souffle.

I thought that Skating with Celebrities was the saddest and silliest that reality could get, but I was so wrong. Wow. Celebrity Cooking Showdown. I might just have to watch this trainwreck.

Oh my! I just found out that Puff Daddy is producing this show! Oh and Naomi Campbell is being listed as a participant. No Naomi! Say it isn't so. Well, if it must be so, please tell me that you will be slapping people around. That would be good TV. Come to think of it, Naomi "Do I Have To Slap A Bitch" Campbell and Sami Brady in a room filled with knives...this could be the most awesome thing EVER.

Bunnies!!!

So, I am thinking about adopting a rabbit. After speaking to Babs, I think it might be a good pet choice for me. I am away from the apartment for many hours out of the day since I work in Lewisville. I am allergic to cats. I want something that doesn't bite and that I can pet. Rabbits seem like a good choice. Anyone that has some advice or experiences to share, good or bad, post them.

I am thinking of getting this one maybe... Meet Butterscotch.

Intern

The office intern is so cute that sometimes I can't stand it. Must not lust after the intern. Must not lust after the intern.

Breakups

Breakups are hard. Everyone knows this. It is difficult to let go of someone that has been such a huge part of your life. Your identity. But sometimes, you just have to let go. You have to admit that you have grown apart. That you aren't the same as when you met. While this person meant a great deal to you in one part of your life, now, at this time, there just isn't the same meaning, the same depth to your relationship. You have outgrown each other. The time eventually comes when you have to let go.

I am breaking up with The Edge. I know. "Alternative Radio" and I have been together for a long time. I first met "Alternative Radio" in college. It was that fast, immediate love that everyone wants. We spent so much time together. Trips to the grocery store, lazy afternoons while I read or studied, road trips a plenty. "Alternative Radio" was so important to me, so much a part of who I was. With out "Alternative Radio," I never would have randomly gone to College Station for Crawfish Fest. Without "Alternative Radio," I would not have seen many of my favorite bands, or maybe never have even known about those bands. I would have been miserable on car trips. Visiting Pineland, or living there after college, would have been torture. "Alternative Radio" was there for me.

But then, somewhere along the line, things changed. "Alternative Radio" started experimenting with Angry White Boy music. I tried to understand and be supportive. I listened to Limp Bizkit. I had the Godsmack CD. But then one day, "Alternative Radio" was not the same person I fell in love with. "Alternative Radio" was suddenly spending all his time with people like Nickleback. I mean, I tried to understand, but really, a girl has her limits. Why couldn't it be like it was in the beginning? When we both loved Weezer and Pearl Jam? When we were giddy over the new Foo Fighters song? When we explored new bands that were fun and interesting? What happened to us? How did we end up so far apart? I want to spend my morning listening to fun music, not listening to some asinine, misogynist DJ mock people. How did we become so different? Why do I get so much more joy out of hearing Carl Castle as I drive? I used to give that same sort of passion to "Alternative Radio." Now, I would actually prefer to listen to KISS FM instead. At least I am safe from screeching on that station. Well, usually.

It's sad, and it's very hard. I never thought this would happen to us. But it has. We will try to remain part of each others lives, but never in the same way. I'll try to catch up with "Alternative Radio" from time to time. When someone was that big of a part of your life, I would think a complete break would be impossible. But for now, I am going to stick to NPR, Stella, my Mini and audiobooks.

I can't believe its over.

Phone Calls

Why does my apartment manager insist on calling me while I am at work? She knows that I work between the hours of 7 and 6 every day. Why can she not call me in the evenings, when I am at home, not working!?!?

Did I fill out a maintenance request? Yes. Then why must you call me to let me know that you are letting the repairman into my apartment? Why?

And also, when I have sent an email listing repairs TWICE AND narrated the list to you in person, why should I be inconvenienced during my work day for you to call and ask me to send the list AGAIN? No, you screwed up and lost it. Plan ahead and call me the night before. Leave a note on my door. Something. Just stop calling me at work. Do I call you while you are at your other job? No. Please. Some courtesy.

Also, needing the number for Dell is not an important enough reason for you to call me at work. Look it up on their webpage just like I would have to do.

Grrr. Phone etiquette. Did it EVER exist?

Some Quick Hits

I don't really have enough material for a full post, so here are some quick hits:

• I feel guilty about posting on top of the Thomas Bickle post. So, to find out more about the little guy or to find out how to help, go to his blog.



• It is 11:37. I just realized that though I have ear buds in my ears, no music is coming from them. This is probably the longest I have gone before I realized I never started the music this morning. It's on of those days.



• Excel mysteriously disappeared from my computer. Could it be related to this post?



• I have decided that beginning this weekend, I will begin my "healthy life" kick again. No drinking. No fatty foods. Lots of exercise. No sodas. Minimal sugar. Good carbs. Lean proteins. Maybe I will also start taking this. If you are interest in joining me in this revolution, let me know. You can harass me; I can lay guilt upon you. It'll be great. We can yoga together.



• My neighbor was having a very animated conversation about flowers at 6:00 this morning. I like flowers, and I can usually function fairly early in the mornings. But if you call me and expect me to share your enthusiasm for flowers before I have had my morning think time, you will be VERY disappointed.



• Where did all my winter clothes go? I distinctly remember NOT going naked from December to February, but each morning I puzzle over what I will wear in such cold weather.



• Big love for Big Love. For those that don't know, it is HBO's latest series. It is about a man (Bill Paxton) who has three wives (Jeanne Tripplehorn, Chloe Sevigney, Ginnifer Goodwin, yay!). It is a very interesting look into a controversial practice. All of the characters are very flawed, yet very relateable. Think Six Feet Under, but instead of corpses there are lots of wives and children. Plus, Margene (played by the awesome Ginnifer Goodwin) has a hilarious blog. The first three episodes are OnDemand. Watch them.



• So, I started watching The Evidence last night. You know, ABC's attempt to jump on the crime drama bandwagon. Here's a tip ABC: if I am watching The Evidence, I probably watch CSI and Law & Order. You don't need to explain how forensics work to me. Or that detectives can do things like trace calls. I am quite familiar, thankyouverymuch. The first epi was a little slow, but I will give it a few more weeks to pick up. You know, after they stop explaining how homicide investigations work.

Thomas Bickle and the Big, Bad, No Good Brain Tumor

Meet Thomas Bickle.


For those of you that don't know, this baby (and his parents) are good friends of mine! I met Sarah and Scott Bickle in college, and we have been friends for over a decade (wow). They were even kind enough to let me crash with them when I first moved to Dallas.

In August, Sarah gave birth to Thomas Bickle. Thomas is the sweetest, best tempered baby you will ever meet. He has the sweetest smile. He has heart shaped nostrils. And he had a brain tumor.

The doctors have operated and removed the tumor, but there is a long way to go. If you can help, even a little bit, please do.

To find out what you can do to help or just to learn more, go to ThomasBickle.com.

The Bickles were featured in the Dallas Morning News on Monday. Here is the article from the Dallas Morning News. Forward that article to anyone you know who might be interested.

While everyone is maintaining a positive outlook, the future is both scary and uncertain. Scott has quit his job to stay home with Thomas. Thomas will start chemotherapy treatments very soon and, when he is old enough, radiation treatments. While Sarah's job does provide medical insurance, they are still confronted with mounting bills for lost time, the loss of half their income, mortgages, loan payments and various other bills. The Bickles are not extravagant people. They lead the least frivolous life of anyone I know. But between previous hospital bills and repairs and renovations on an aging house, their savings have already been depleted.

If you have the means, please help out these very deserving people. Any small amount will help.
HOW TO HELP
To donate to the Thomas Bickle Fund, go to http://www.thomasbickle.com/
Or donate at any Wells Fargo branch to Thomas Bickle, son of Scott and Sarah Bickle, account No. 1301.

How Not to Dispose of a Body

Have shows like CSI and Law & Order made murders smarter when it comes to covering up their crimes? I mean, I had thought about weighting a body down and dumping it in an ocean or lake. I figured the fish would eat away at it. Apparenly, that is not a very full proof plan.

Kinky for Governor

Here are some reasons why I think Kinky would be an awesome govenor for this fine state.

• A true love of all things Texas. His writings make you really happy to live in this state.
• Committment to bettering our environment even though such views are likely to get you lynched in "oil country."
• Come on, a Jewish governor named Kinky. How awesome is that?
• He makes salsa. I mean, that has nothing to do with running a state. It's just a fun fact.
• His belief that teachers are heroes. Since they are the ones doing the educating, they should be in charge.
• Since he isn't a professional politician, he owes NO ONE favors. He can just go in and start doing the job without worrying about lobbyists to pay back.
• Health care for the poor.
• Back to the independant thing... Since he doesn't owe any hacks a job, qualified people might stand a chance at holding positions of power.
• He wants to give property owners 15% of their taxes back. Sorry we took too much. Here, it's yours. Thanks for the loan.
• He couldn't do any worse than Rick Perry.
• Why the hell not?

F! As in Fat Boobies!

This is a girly post. Deal with it boys.

So, I have struggled with the boobs all my life. In the eighth grade, I wore a sweater that made it appear that I had more than I truly did in that area. I mean, believe it or not, was FLAT. Like 12 year old boy flat. I was so flat, I was practically inverted. But even so, I was christened with the nickname Charmin. Yes. As in the toilet paper. And all my classmates would break out into the jingle whenever I entered the room. Don't hold back. Everybody agrees. Take that softness and give it a squeeze...

Yeah. Fun. Then, the summer between my freshman and sophomore year, I went from a barely A cup to a large B. By the next fall, I was a C cup. Guys ogled me. Girls hated me and called me fat. High school was pretty torturous. I remember this My Two Dads episode where Nicole is mean to this girl Donna because Donna got "them," and Nicole and her friend decided to hate the poor girl even though they used to be good friends. And then The Judge had to give Nicole a talking to because The Judge had been Donna when she was in school and her friends were mean to her just like Nicole was to Donna. And Nicole felt like shit and called Donna and apologized for being a raging, jealous bitch who was mean and made bad boyfriend choices as she let Corey who would later go on to be a much bigger movie star go while she and Chad Allen topped out on Step By Step and that Shannen Doherty/Deidre Hall/Quaker Oatmeal Guy show. Yeah, I really wish I had had a Judge. Bitches.

And the breast fun just continues on after high school. While they are handy in getting drinks at bars or conning gas station attendents out of ice, they are more trouble than they are worth. I can't wear button up shirts. I can't wear slinky tops because I always require a bra. I find it uncomfortable to take my bra off and relax if other people are around. I bounce when I am on the gym machines. And even if SpecialT hadn't already traumatized me to the point that I refuse to run, I still wouldn't due to the jiggle.

They weighed 7 pounds each at last weighing. I haven't been able to buy a bra from Victoria's Secret in years. I have tried bras from Dillards, Foleys and other department stores. I have worn Playtex and Cross Your Heart. If it is under $30, I have tried it with no success. So, this weekend, I decided I would go to this fancy-ish boutique and buy a GOOD bra. I would get measured by a real bra lady, not the twit working the fitting room in Dillards or Victoria's Secret that day. I was willing to fork out up to $50 for said bra. I didn't care how big the straps were. I didn't care how many hooks it had (I am now up to 3 or 4 hooks at this point). I just wanted something that fit and kept the girls where they belonged. I explained my wishes to the bra measuring lady. She showed me lots to choose from, including the Oprah Bra which was like armor.

We go in to get measured. She doesn't tell me what my size was. She just brings them in and starts putting them on me. When I had chosen one, she left so I could get dressed. It was good. Nice color. Snug. Lots of support. Back feels weird but good. So, I look at the bra to see the price. I saw a letter I never expected to see.

I went into the store a 38D. I came out a 38F. F! F! F as in FAT BOOBIES! I am an F! An F! I cannot wrap my mind around this letter. F.

Fat boobies.

At least I am alive...

Sometimes, I don't make the best decisions. I know this. You know this. Today was a perfect example of this.

So, YayCoffee and I decided to meet up at Waffle House for brunch. When I got there, I saw that lots of people had a similar idea for this Sunday morning. When YayCoffee pulled up, I walked up to her car and suggested going to Denny's instead. As I was about to walk away, a woman in her mid twenties walks up to me. Here is how it went down...

Waffle House Parking Lot Lady: I'm sorry to bother you, but can you help me out.
MAV: *looks at YayCoffee*
YC: *is unreadable*
MAV: Um, what's the problem.
WHPLL: My car broke down and my friend sent this guy to pick me up but he must've been on somethin cause he started freakin and thinkin I was tryin to hurt him so I had to run away and I ran to this lady's house and she let me in and now I am here and I just want to get home and there is no one I can call because my parents are taking my daughter up to Oklahoma and I really just want to go home.
MAV: *is confused, looks at YayCoffee*
YC: *is unreadable*
MAV: Um, so what do you need?
WHPLL: I just need to get home.
MAV: *is concerned that home might be really far away, in the country somewhere and really just wants some waffles and for WHPLL to not be talking anymore*
MAV: Where is home?
WHPLL: Walnut, but I should probably go to my sister's.
MAV: *has misunderstood and thought she meant Walnut Hill (after two and half years, I still do not know Dallas) and doesn't want to go all the way down there.*
MAV: Where is your sister's?
WHPLL: Forest.
MAV: *looks at YayCoffee*
YC: *is unreadable*

So, this is where the internal battle really kicks into high gear. Let me first say, that WHPLL does not look like she is on drugs. She isn't shaky or twitchy. She isn't overly anxious. She is able to make eye contact and focus. While I have not seen anyone on crack or meth, I feel certain that she is not exhibiting the signs. She also is wearing clothing that would make a weapon difficult to conceal. Anyway, she doesn't look dangerously, just really freaked out and scared. Now, I know that on the one hand, you shouldn't give rides to strangers. But, as a woman, I would hope that were I to approach another woman and ask for help that she would help me. So, I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, DANGER, DANGER. But on the other hand, she just looks so freaked out and is about to cry and a stranger has taken sympathy on me before when I was freaked out and scared, so I feel I should return the favor.

MAV: *looks at YayCoffee again*
YC: *is unreadable*
MAV: Forest you say? Where on Forest?
WHPLL: Yeah. Do you know where the Alberston's is?
MAV: Not really. Is it close? Still in Richardson?
WHPLL: Yeah. It's pretty close.
MAV: Okay, I guess I can give you a ride.
MAV: *is really nervous now*

So, we get into the car. WHPLL is all groany, and I realize as I am clearing a place for her to sit that my laptop was in plain view. This could totally be a scam. Or she could be luring me somewhere to rob or kill me. But she obviously isn't armed, so I feel pretty good about my chances in a scuffle. Even if she has a knife, she seems like she might not be at the top of her game due to the scared/freaked out factor while I am on high alert. Plus, there is a LOT of fatty tissue to block death blows.

MAV: *pulls out of the parking lot and hopes that YayCoffee is getting the telepathic messages to follow us*
YC: *doesn't*
MAV: *hopes she doesn't die*
MAV: So, where exactly are we going.
WHPLL: Forest and Audelia, I think.
MAV: *inwardly curses because this is much further than she wanted to go*
WHPLL: *is all groany and grabbing her abdomen*
MAV: * wonders if WHPLL has a stitch in her side from all the running for her life, has appendicitis or is a drug mule and one of the heroin balloons ruptured*
WHPLL: Oh man, I am hurting. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know if I am pregnant or what.
MAV: I'm sorry? You're just not having a good day, are you?
WHPLL: groans.
MAV: *is puzzled*

We drive for a few miles.

WHPLL: My grandma lives in Garland.
MAV: *thinks, no way in hell am I taking you all the way to Garland, you freaky WHPLL.*
WHPLL: She sews. Like curtains and drapes and stuff. She make those drape things for the dog booths at PetCo. You know, those blue things. Yeah she makes those. For like 10 states. She is a really talented lady.
MAV: Oh, really. Wow.
WHPLL: Yeah. She made drapes for the coach of the Cowboys. Yeah, they were real pretty. The fabric cost like $500 a yard. But it was real nice.
MAV: That's nice.
WHPLL: *begins to groan again.*

So, we pull up to an intersection to get onto Forest.

WHPLL: Oh my God! I don't believe it! That guy over there!
MAV: *looks over at the guy, who by the way IS really twitchy and DOES appear to have a drug problem*
MAV: Is that the guy?
WHPLL: No, I went to school with that guy.
MAV: Oh?
WHPLL: Yeah. We used to play together. He always played the guitar. But the guitar...wasn't there...
MAV: Oh?
MAV: *really wish the freaky WHPLL would stop talking as the MAV is really getting freaked out at this point.

We drive a bit more...

WHPLL: groans some more, getting more frequent and louder.
MAV: Are you sure you don't need to go to a hospital or something?
WHPLL: No, I'll be fine.

At this point, we are nearing the destination. I decide that I should just drop her at the grocery store as that is a crowded, public place. I have watched enough CSI, Law and Order and Without a Trace to know that I am in an out of my control situation and need to get back control of the situation. I will not take her to any house or apartment and will definitely not be going down any poorly paved back roads. No way. I mean, she could be setting me up to rob me. Or kill me. There could be a band of crazed meth head waiting wherever we are going to steal my car, take my laptop, rape and kill me then reenact Weekend at Bernie's using me as a Bernie stand in. This was a stupid decision.

MAV: Sooo, where did you say to go? The Alberston's?
WHPLL: Yeah, that area. I think I should just go to my sister's work.
MAV: Yeah, that would probably be best.
WHPLL: Okay, see that burger place, pull in there.

As we approach, we see that it is closed.

WHPLL: Oh, that is bad.
MAV: *agrees*
MAV: What now? I really should be getting back.
WHPLL: Well, I guess pull into that mumblemumblemubleplaceoverthere.
MAV: *turns wrong*

At this point, I notice that a white van has made the same turn as me. I get into a different lane. The white van gets into the same lane. I turn into a parking lot. The van turns into the parking lot.

MAV: *OH. MY. GOD. I. am. going. to. die.*

The van pulls into a parking spot. I continue on, not killed.

MAV: *has had enough of this situation, this weird WHPLL and just wants to go to Denny's order some pancakes and not die*
WHPLL: I guess, just go to that apartment complex over there.

By the way, every time she tells me to turn, she waits until the LAST MINUTE so I have to cut across many lanes of traffic. Plus, she refuses to say left or right. She point with a small move her her right index finger. It is quite annoying.

MAV: Damn, I am going to fast to turn in there. Here. Will this be okay.
WHPLL: This isn't really my place, but this will be okay I guess.
MAV: *is getting irritated.*
WHPLL: Ooooh, do you see that lady over there?
MAV: *wonders why she asks if I can see people. Does she have the sixth sense thing going on or something?*
MAV: yeah.
WHPLL: They're looking for her.
MAV: Oh..... Okay, so here we are. Hope everything works out for you. mkaybye.
MAV: *pulls away really fast*
MAV: *calls YayCoffee*
MAV: I didn't die.
YC: Okay. I was really worried. I got us a table. Should I have followed you?

Over pancakes, we came to the conclusion that in the future, we give strange WHPLLs money for bus and train fare. In the event that rides are give, the other person will come with, or will follow. YC was worried I would be upset if she followed. I was worried that I would look like a scaredy cat if I asked to be followed.

I am real dumb.

Inspiration

Designers often draw inspiration for their creations from dresses worn by stars of older movies. See.