The Monkey Attacked Me

One girl's struggle against the bizarre.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Michael J. Fox

I don' t know how many of you have seen this yet, but it is a political ad by Michael J. Fox. It is a little hard to witness how badly his Parkinsons has gotten. Worse than the video is Rush Limbaugh's statements about the commercial.

Responding to Michael J.Fox’s commercial for Missouri Senate Challenger Claire McCaskill, radio host Rush Limbaugh said, “He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act. If this was not an act, then I apologize”

Michael’s spokeswhore is outraged and said, “It’s an appalling, sad statement. Anybody who understands Parkinson’s disease knows it’s because of the medicine that one experiences involuntary movements like those Fox shows in the commercial.”
Seems like maybe someone forgot to take their Oxycontin.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Shannen on BO in the USA

So, I am trying to decide if she knew this was happening (the show that is) and just didn't know what the gift would be, or if she really had no idea what was going on at all. Because if so, she handled that much better than I would have.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

They must be stopped

Okay, so my work must be stopped.

This morning I came in to a bag of Halloween candy on my desk with a freaking CHAIN letter telling me I have to buy a gift for three other people by tomorrow. Grrr...... I am all for work being fun, but this is just too much. I don't want to buy candy for three people. I don't want to have to sneak it onto their desks.

This just makes me really fear Christmas. I bet they will make us do Secret Santas. I might have to quit or become Jewish. I just know there is some lotion set I will never use in my future. Then I am going to feel guilty when I inevitably chuck it in the trash.

Why can't I just come in and peacefully check my email and blogs in the morning instead of getting hit by the freaking candy chain mail?

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Fair

Our work went to the State Fair yesterday. Fun! AND it was not nearly as lame as I thought it would be. Let me back up...

My work has a tendancy to make us do these awful "getting to know you," ice-breaker activities. Like at the Christmas party last year, we had to make antelers out of pantyhose and balloons. Lame! I mean, here we are all dressed up, some people have brought their spouses or significant others (The Diva and I went together because we share the faux-lesbian love), and then we are forced to participate in a silly team building exercise. Yes. Antelers out of ponytails. I mean, I am all for game playing, but how about some charades or pictionary or Taboo or Outburst or something that grown-ups play. So, point being, I was worried about this fair trip as I had intel that it would be a team building/getting to know you experience. But, while it got off to a rocky start what with the initial hat-wearing humiliation, overall it was good.

One of the fun things we did was "Fair Food Bingo" which necesiated consuming lots of crazy foods. While I shall never know if the Fried Mac and Cheese lives up the hype, I can say for certain that the Fried Peanut Butter, Jelly and Banana sandwich was worth the hunt.

I think that what the fair really needs is a specialized food map. Burgers, corn dogs (except the Fletchers), cotton candy, caramel appples...those things are pretty common and shouldn't be on the map. But I want to know exactly where the fried snickers bars are. And where is the fried cosmo? What about the fried oreos? And the Mexican chocolate? I need to know where to find those things. Because after 3 trips through the Midway, I was still without those things.

Monday, October 16, 2006

The Move

I am all moved into my new apartment. I have to put the final touches up, but otherwise, everything is done. All the boxes unpacked. Everything in its (general) place. I know I looked at this apartment several times before leasing it, but I keep discovering new things I LOVE about it.

1) The kitchen is HUGE! HUGE I SAY! It is so awesome. I am going to have to buy stuff to put on the counters cause there is that much space. There are cabinets and drawers that have nothing in them right now. My last apartment had ONE double door upper cabinet, one super skinny cabinet, one small cabinet and the over the stove cabinet. That was it. And 2 drawers. So, needless to say, I had majorly streamlined my kitchen equipment. And now, I actually have space to put everything. I might even go out and buy a Kitchenaid mixer just because I have room for it.

2) This one is important...It is peaceful. I face the parking lot, so I do hear that noise somewhat, but it is very muffled. I can totally tune it out. I don't even have to sleep in earplugs. I think the carpeting makes a world of difference. Although, the floors are really creaky. I am glad I am not on the bottom floor. I try to tiptoe, but still, the creaking happens. Plus, I only share one wall with other people, and that is the wall that the fridge, pantry, bathroom and washer/dryer are on, so really, I hear nothing from the other side. Sweet.

3) The bathroom is big. I mean, it isn't as gigantic as some apartments I viewed, but it is sizeable. Lots of counter space in this room too.

4) Light. There is so much light. I realize how dark my old place was now that I am in this one. At first, I worried that the lack of overhead lighting in the living room would be problematic, but I was wrong. The patio window lets in tons of natural light which totally kicks overhead light's ass.

5) Did I mention the space? First, lots of closet space. Two walk in closets JUST in my bedroom. You know how a lot of apartments have outside storage in a closet on the patio? I have that, only the door to it is inside. So, awesome. No bugs or spiders getting in there. And, I have vaulted ceilings and a pass through bar thingy from the kitchen to living room. So those things combined with the open dining area make my living room seem really spacious.

6) Covered parking. I can't wait to have people over. I might have a game night or a wine and cheese night soon.

7) The movers! The HOT movers. Yes, my movers were like a gift from the gods. First, they were 5 minutes early. Second, they were hot! This guy Jason started his own moving business, so it was just him and another hottie. Cute, tanned, muscular boys. What a way to start the day. If I had known how pretty they would be, I would have put on some makeup and like brushed my hair or something. They were on time (early, actually). They were efficent. They were friendly. They just rocked. If you are moving in Dallas in the near future, let me know. I will give you their cards. They are very reasonable and work really hard and fast. Cause they have other things to do on their Saturday besides slacking off on some move job.

Now, things that went wrong this weekend.

1) My family kind of drives me nuts. 'Nuff said.

2) My former apartment manager drives me nuts. First, she wanted to do a "walk through" of the apartment with me. Has anyone done this on move out? Not me. Not in more than 12 years of apartment living. Anyway, so I get everything moved out and cleaned. I called her when I was on my way to get the last of my things. She told me to call when I was ready to leave. So I did. She wasn't there. Well, I needed to get the stuff out of the fridge and to the new place, but I didn't want to have to drive all the way back down to the old place once I had gotten back to the new place. So, I dropped in on Special T, and we went out for lunch. Over an hour and half passes from the time of my last call and still nothing. I am irritated to say the least. I just want to be done with this apartment. So, I leave a message saying that I couldn't wait any longer and had left the keys with my neighbor. So happy to be done with that place. I wonder if Virginia will ever realize that the shoddy management is the reason why only two units in the complex are occupied (one is occupied by her daughter).

3) Rain.

4) Dish Network called to let me know they were at my apartment (they were supposed to call BEFORE they came as I was between the two places all day). I said I would get there as quickly as possible, but it would take about 15 or 20 minutes. By the time I got there, they were gone. So, I call Dish. I am told that the guy waited as long as he could, but anyway, the satellite couldn't be set up on my balcony anyway as the dish must face southwest. I pointed out that this would have been good information to have from the beginning as my apartment faces southwest. Grr. So, DirecTV will be coming out later this week.

5) No cable. See above. But seriously, it is kinda boring with no TV or internet. Fortunately, I just came from letting the internet guy come to set things up. Yay internet!

Bad Altoids

I bought a tin of peppermint Altoids that was filled with spearmint Altoids. Not the same thing! Not even close! Boo!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Thought

I feel there really isn't enough cowbell.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Motorcycles

Motorcycles are rude.

They are. They are far too loud. It is just wrong. I really dislike the thunderous vocalization of endowment disrupting my peaceful Sunday afternoon reading.

Rude!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Horrific Lunch

So, on my way back from lunch, I was stopped at an intersection, waiting to turn right. I was looking left, waiting for a break in traffic. All of a sudden, I see this squirrel barrelling across a yard, headed toward the busy street. Immediately, I knew what was going to happen. The squirrel hit the tire of a van, both going full speed. The squirrel was propelled backward onto the shoulder. I screamed inside my car. The poor squirrel, he just wanted to get across the road with his acorn booty. Even worse, traffic continued to stream past us forcing me to see him suffering though his death twitch. The twitch lasted a full 2 minutes! It was an awful site to behold, and I felt my little black heart begin to melt and tears begin to pool in my eyes.

Bad lunch!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

New apartment

I have found a new apartment. I am nervous. I am worried my stuff won't fit. I am worried that it is too small. I am worried that I have moved too far away from all of my friends.

But, I love the complex. It is pretty. It is really nice. I am going to the Trinity Square Apartments in Addison. The area is really nice. There are no lower than 5 sushi restuarants in a 5 mile radius.

I am just nervous that I chose the place out of desperation. I mean, it is a nice place. I just don't know that it is perfect. And, I don't know where in the world I am going to put all of my stuff.

Oh well, I guess I will be finding this out next weekend. Now I have a fun two weeks of packing ahead of me.

I am a lightweight.

It is shocking. I was shocked.

So, the backstory...

My dad quit drinking like 15 years or so ago. I don't really remember him having a "problem," but I was young. He did drink a large amount, so maybe it was a cost thing. Anyway, it isn't a big deal. It isn't like he goes crazy when he sees a beer or anything. I mean, friends and family drink the occasional cocktail in front of him.

Anyway, so, my Aunt Rita came to Pineland last week and is staying with my dad. Aunt Rita likes her cocktails. She's 80 by the way. So, we all went to Jasper for my great aunt's 99th birthday celebration. It was an all day thing. At one point, Rita leans over to me and says, hey, I am going to go over to Chris' (our cousin) room for a little night cap. I will meet up with you guys later. I was all, I wanna come! Rita was pleasantly surprised and said I could tag along.

So, we get to Chris' room. He is raving about this vodka he had gotten at Costco (Texas sucks by the way! I want discount, bulk liquor). He promises it is very smooth (which it was). He mixes me a vodka tonic that is so freaking strong that I can barely drink it. Everyone else there is drinnking their vodka straight, and lots of it. Lightweight. Right here.