New Apartment

So, I moved this weekend. I switched apartments with the apartment manager's daughter because she was tired of climbing up and down the stairs (she's pregnant) and I am tired of Thunderella. I never got a good look at the new place and didn't really communicate with Vonnie, the pregnant lady. My bad. I probably wouldn't have switched if I had. Here are the fiascos of the weekend...

1. As of 8:00 am Saturday, the day of the move, Apartment 4 had not begun packing. I was all packed up. They were not.
2. As of 10:30, Apartment 4 had not even packed up the kitchen and refused any help from us and also refused to just bring the boxes up and unpack later. No, they wanted to unpack as they went. Bastards.
3. It began raining again.
4. Got a glimpse of the bedroom and bathroom. HIDEOUS wallpaper that was peeling off the walls meaning I would have to remove it, not just paint over it.
5. No dishwasher (getting a new one)
6. No doors on the upper cabinets
7. One less set of cabinets and existing cabinets and drawers are significantly smaller than other apartment.
8. Cleaning had apparently never taken place in this apartment. Imagine the most filthy frat house you have ever seen. It was worse.
9. Dirty apartment = cockroaches. And lots of them. Raid owes their boost in sales to me.
10. Traffic noise very loud in this apartment for some reason.
11. I can hear the TV of my neighbor while in the bedroom.
12. Ugly carpet
13. The most garish ceiling fan EVER. I will take a picture and post it. It is the ugliest thing EVER. Oh, and only 3 bulbs can be in the monstrosity at once. Otherwise the lights in the house flicker.
14. No outlet in the bathroom. How do you get ready without a single outlet?
15. Globes missing from lights.
16. Smaller living room and kitchen.

But none of this is worse than living below Thunderella. Most of this stuff is fixable. But sitting in my apartment in peace is absolutely the most beautiful thing in the world.

Paris Hilton To Challenge Theron For Movie Roles

Hotel heiress PARIS HILTON has warned actress CHARLIZE THERON to watch out - because the pair could soon be battling for the same movie roles.The 25-year-old socialite, who previously appeared in critically-derided horror film HOUSE OF WAX, is confident she shares a similar screen style to Theron.And Hilton has no qualms about putting herself in direct competition with the Oscar-winning star.She explains, "My acting coach told me I have a similar style of acting to her so we may end up vying for the same parts."

Source: contactmusic.com

Wow. It's fun to read about such a delusional person.

Math Lesson

So Keymaster and I went to Gloria's last night for some much needed drinks. On Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Gloria's has Happy Hour prices on their margaritas and sangrias: $2 each. I could not decide between the margarita and the sangria, so I requested a swirl. I was charged $4 dollars for this drink. Outrageous. Simple math tells us that this is an incorrect price.

Here, I will show my proof.

margarita = 2
sangria = 2
x= margarita
y= sangria

z = ½x + ½y
z = 1 + 1
z= 2

Therefore, my drink which compose one half of x and one half of y should have equaled $2. But no, those cheating cheaters at Glorias charged me full price for x and full price for y though I only had half of each. Cheaters!

I would say I would never go back, but that black bean dip is just too good to pass up. But I will not be ordering the sangrita without confirmation of the mathematical inconsistency in their pricing procedures.

Excel

For years, I have been living a lie. I think. I have claimed that I am an Excel expert. I don't think this is true. Sure, I took some classes in college and I can make one hell of a pie chart, but I don't know if I am really an expert. My resume says I am, but, really, am I?

What does it mean to "know" Excel? Does that mean to make a nice spreadsheet to keep your work all organized? Then yeah, I am quite the genius. Does "know" mean occasionally tabulating columns? Then yeah, expert, right here. But beyond that, I really don't know. What exactly constitutes Excel expertise?

Pitfalls of Blogging

I find that I have less to say to people now that I blog. I put all my funny stories on here. All the interesting musings or fiascos are recounted here. In fact, sometimes I think of amusing things to say to my friends but refrain because I might want to put it on my blog. I don't want to reuse material if at all possible. Really, I am just thinking about my audience.

Responses and Phase Outs

I have a pet peeve: lack of consideration. I know that consideration on the part of others should be a given, but it just isn't. I am far more sensitive to the consideration levels of others. I remember things. I remember when you say, hey, we should get together for drinks. I want to make a plan right away, and then actually carry out said plan. I try to return calls and emails. When people don't do the same to me, I take it personally. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Now, I know some of you are thinking, whatever. MAV didn't return my call last night or that email I sent. But in general, I do, right? I might not write back right away, but I will. I will call to check in within a few days. My problem is with the people you write or call over and over again, but they don't bother to respond in a timely manner. When they finally deem me worthy of their time, I am expected to hop to and not make any fuss about why they haven't been returning my calls.

This brings me to the second point of this post: the phase out. I am oblivious. I do not realize when I am being phased out. I never see these things coming. And, I take a REALLY long time to accept that they are happening. I hate the phase out. It makes me feel foolish for making an effort for someone that simply doesn't care or appreciate it. I think that a Phase Out service of some sort should be created. When you no longer wish to date someone, be friends with someone, have someone in your life in any way, you would contact the service. They would take your phone number, email and IM handles and block the undesired person from your life. The Undesirable would receive an email stating that MAV wishes to discontinue your relationship effective immediately. There would be an itemized list so that you may learn and grow from this experience. No more waiting patiently for that guy to respond to your email. No more wondering if he really is busy or if he JUST ISN'T THAT INTO YOU. No more futile voice mails with passive aggressive messages like "are you still alive?" You would get a clean break AND learn what went wrong. You will know if you did indeed come on too strong. You will know that Mr. Doesn't Return Phone Calls thought you were a ring hungry girl and is running in fear (by the way, for all you guys out there... Not every woman over the age of 22 is in a race for the alter. Some of us would just like someone to hang out with. Someone to go to the movies with. Someone to have some sex with *gasp*). I'm just saying that knowing is always better. Almost everyone believes this, I think. So why are we so willing to do a disservice to others by not letting them know for sure that we are just not interested.

I would like to add a bit of clarification. If you communicate with the person regularly, a few unreturned messages are acceptable and expected. I am talking about leaving numerous messages and months between communications. Seriously? I took the time to call or write. Just shoot off a quick email saying that you got my messages, but haven't had time to give a proper response. Then give a time frame in which the response will come!
All I am asking is for a little consideration. If someone takes the time to write or call you, return the call or email in a timely manner. If you do not wish to continue the relationship, let that be known. Don't string people along.

I, by the way, recieved my offical break up email this morning. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

My Laziness Knows No Bounds

At times, my laziness knows no bounds. I have leftovers that have become new life forms (I think one hissed at me this morning). I only recently dismantled my Christmas tree, but have not put it in storage as of yet. But right now, I think I might have reached the pinnacle of my laziness. I work in a cube filled office. Some people are special enough to have actual offices with doors and self controlled lighting, but not me. So anyway, I need to ask the girl in the cube next to me a question, but she is not signed into messenger. I sent an email, but have not received a reply. I really need feedback on the email, but I don't want to walk around to her cube. I considered calling her, but that seems silly. I have thought about maybe just saying, "Hey Jennifer...," but that seems loud and distracting.

What's a lazy ass to do?

Grumpy and to be avoided

Babs posted about how she is feeling cranky and is avoiding posting her real feelings today. I am feeling the same way. I am in a SOUR mood. I started the day off in a foul temper, and it just seems to be getting worse as the day progresses.

Things that are pissing me off today:

1. Thunderella was stomping around at 4:30 in the freaking morning. She was so loud that she woke me up out of a dead sleep. I was wearing industrial strength ear plugs. The kind that you must wear when working around machinery so loud your ear drums might rupture. She is louder than all the equipment in my town's saw mill. I really am not exaggerating how loud this inconsiderate waste of a human being is. See. I am really grouchy.
2. Makeup. Just the idea of that I am expected to come to work each day in full war paint really ticked me off this morning. Why should I be pressured to wear eyeliner, 2 kinds of eye shadow and mascara every single day? It is unfair.
3. There are no Russian history classes offered as part of SMU's informal classes or continuing education. I want to learn more about the Bolsheviek Revolution.
4. Amazon nor Barnes & Noble list any books by an author I just read. I want to read more. Apparently, they don't want me to.
5. School zones. I am in a hurry. I don't want to wait for that kid. I don't know him.
6. Weather is not forecasted 2 weeks out. I want to know if it is going to rain next weekend.
7. Stupid deadlines. Really, if there isn't enough time for the assigned person to finish a project, maybe the deadline was unrealistic.
8. Insurance peddling at work. If I wanted life insurance, I would get it. Don't force me to waste an hour of my time in some stupid AFLAC meeting about insurance I will not be purchasing. It's such bullshit. If X happens or Y happens, you will get this payout. So what if I don't become disabled? What if I don't go to the hospital this year? What if I don't get cancer or go blind? What if I don't die? I basically gave you money all year and got a big fat nothing in return. I should get some sort of reward for safe, healthy living. Like a small refund. Or a pie.
9. The Planned Parenthood people. I mean, I totally support a woman's right to choose and easy access to the morning after pill and stuff, but seriously, stop sending so many emails. I am tired of filling out your forms and sending concerned letters to my congresswoman. Kay Bailey Hutchinson made it pretty clear in that letter she sent that she was not that concerned that I disapproved of Alito. Bush liked him, so she was voting yes. Really PP, she doesn't care.
10. This project I am working on does not have a mute button or a pause button. I love The Diva and everything, but I am pretty tired of hearing her yammer about air flow. Little ducts mean little air. I get it. Move it along.

Okay, I have vented now. I am feeling a bit better.

Photos and Handcuffs

Would anyone be interested in taking part in a little photo shoot? A site I sometimes shoot for is requesting images of an adult themed party. So, if you are interested, you would be photographed with various "adult" items. It might be just as tame as some lacy panties, but it might be a little, um, more advanced. Let me know if you want to take part. It will probably be early next week.

Silly sentence

YayCoffee and I decided to write a little blurb starting with "In a town filled with secrets, one girl...." Feel free to give it a try...

In a town filled with secrets, one girl stood against the rest and loudly proclaimed, "no, I will not poof my bangs ANYMORE!"

In a town filled with secrets, one girl had the answers that would shock them all. She knew that Drake had not really been mauled and eaten by rabid wolves. She alone knew where the remains were hidden. She knew who had hidden them. She knew why they were hidden.

In a town filled with secrets, one girl closely guarded hers. No one must learn that she was really her nephew Chad.

Groundhog Day

Well, the groundhog saw its shadow. Six more weeks of winter. Does that mean six more weeks of real winter or six more weeks of the "winter" we are currently having? If it is the latter, kill me now.

A Size 8 Is Not The Same Thing As A Size 7

I found several pairs of fabulous black boots at Foleys tonight. I showed them to the sales guy, and he went to the back to get them. He was gone a very long time. Finally, he returns. He says, "we were out of 7's, but here are some 8 and 8 1/2's. What? Hello? We are talking about shoes. A little big or a little small doesn't work. And a full size or a size and half? Those will never work. Just come back and say, "I'm sorry. We don't have any 7's. Would any other size work?" But don't bring out giant shoes as a substitute. Haven't you seen Cinderella? Don't you know that proper fit is very important?

Target Desires

I really wanted this shirt. But it looks awful on me. It is completely devoid of any darting at the waist which makes it most tent like. Seriously, I looked like a Big Top tent with legs. Considering purchasing and adding darts myself.


This however was awesome on. The benefit of having short legs is that it is not as obsenely short on me as it looks on the rack. Seriously, considering purchasing this dress. I want it so bad. Not that I have an event or anything to wear it. Erin promises me we can go dancing. So, maybe...

Spider Solitaire

I think I have a problem. I was late to work this morning because I was playing Spider Solitaire. I can't stop. I play it ALL THE TIME. It is a sickness.

The Spider Solitaire is taking over my life. I play in the mornings after I wake up. I play as soon as I get home from work. I play as I watch TV or movies. If ever I am late for an event, it is probably because I got caught up in my insane quest to win. I am convinced that every game must be winnable, so I will play over and over until I finally beat it. I think I need help. Is there some sort of 12 step program for solitaire addiciton? Do I need to make amends to any of you?