Accidental Lesbian Date

Okay, so I have accidentally gotten a date with a lesbian.

How does this happen, you might ask. So, I am out with (old) buddy Chris over the weekend. We are at a bar in Nac downing pitchers of cheap beer, trying to drink off the week. I am one of the few straight people in the group which is a common occurrence when hanging out with Chris. No biggie. I always have a great time. Anyway, this girl comes up (really embarrassed to admit that I don't remember her name at the moment) and is chatting with the girl next to me. The girl, let's call her Ann, mentions that she has to drive really far to get to Nac. So, I inquire as to where she lives. Turns out she is from Dallas. We start bonding of Metroplex residency and learning to navigate this maze of a city. She asks if I am going to be back in Dallas on Sunday night. Apparently there was a big show at Sue's: bands w/ chick lead singers. I said that I would unfortunately still be in East Texas, but some other time maybe. She gave an excited "Absolutely. We should totally do something." I responded in the affirmative thinking I need to meet more people. We chat some more and eventually exchange numbers.

After Ann leaves, Chris give me this look. Apparently, I had been heavily flirting and now have a date with Ann. I thought I was just being friendly, but I was told I was sending out all the signs of interest. I assumed I sent out some sort of hetero scent alerting all to my presence. But I suppose many of my friends that know my history with unintentionally flirting with men leading to tragic, unrequited love on their part. Guess my unintentional flirting knows no gender or sexual barriers. No one is safe.

So far, I haven't heard from my future lesbian love as of yet. I definitely want to go out. I am thinking more as friends. Like I said, I need to meet more people. Experience new things. For instance, I have never been to Sue's. I am very interested. But as far as a date, I don't know. I supposed I will just get myself in the situation and figure it out from there.

Really, do I come off lesbian?

The Donut

The Donut is calling me. It sits covered in its ooey, gooey glaze urging me to partake of its soft, doughy goodness. The Donut is slightly warm, still very soft and very chewy. It wants to be eaten. It begs to be eaten. My teeth long to sink into the sugary pastry. Each bite destined to be a taste explosion in my mouth. I long to bring the soft, golden circle to my lips then savor each delicious bite until nothing is left but the sugary glaze clinging to my fingers. I would bring each finger to my mouth taking in the final essense of The Donut, then long for another.

Oh Donut, you sweet, sugary temptress. Your calories longing to enter my system. Why must you torture me so?

Alias

So upon watching Alias last night and reflecting on the season as a whole, I wonder if JJ will even have Sydney and Vaughn together next season. With the Jenn/Michael post-breakup tension and the reveal of Faughn, I wonder if they are going to give Syd a new love interest. And will it be Will since Jack & Bobby has been cancelled? Or maybe she and Agent Sean could mend their broken hearts together (after you Nadia mercifully DIES)? That would mean that Agent Sean's new pilot would have to fail, but he should know better than to venture outside the JJ-verse.

I am down with Faughn being evil and not with Syd anymore if it means I get to see some Super Hot Williage!

It had to happen

We all knew it would happen eventually. Some Star Wars geeks injured themselves....

Jeans

So today, my jeans are suddenly too big. While I would like to believe that my genie finally granted my weight loss wish, I am pretty certain that my ass has reached such massive proportions that it may have very well blown out the Lycra in my jeans. Or I need to wash them. Washing always makes the jeans pop back into place. This brings up an interesting point: jean washing frequency. Somehow the fact that they are denim makes it okay to wear them many, many times without washing. Do we do that with other clothing? I wash my khakis at least every other time I wear them provided there was no spillage that day (which isn't often the case...spillage free days, that is). Shirts are about the same, if not every single time. But jeans? They get worn many, many times between washings. They are only washed when absolutely necessary. Why is this? Why is it okay to not wash our jeans? Are they any less dirty than our khakis or t-shirts? In college, I knew people that would go months between washings. Well, maybe college isn't the best example as some of those same people applied that same washing frequency to themselves. Ewwww.... Am I alone in this low jean washing frequency? How often do your jeans get washed provided there is no spillage or major smelliness (sometimes, the bars force washing after only a single wear. Cigarette smoking bastards! Damn you for making me wash my jeans!).

Fabulous Secret Powers

Adam, Prince of Eternia, singing a 4 Non-Blondes song. Check it out. Funniest thing I have seen in a while.

Barking

Some days, I really wish that I could read the minds of dogs. It's 7:00 in the morning, and the dog next door has been barking incessantly. Fifteen minutes or so, I understand, but it has now been more than an hour. Why? What do you hope to accomplish? Don't you get tired? Does your throat hurt?

Why?

Why do you bark for so long?

Ballerina Attack

So, the Monkey Attack Victim doesn't know the five positions.

See, I took ballet when I was about 5 for one horrible day. I had dreams of being a ballerina. I was small and skinny with long limbs. I enjoyed spinning. I thought I would look really cute in a tutu. But my dreams would soon be crushed.

My mom dropped me off at my ballet class at the train depot/community center. I hurried to class where my future as a ballerina awaited, as well as all of my friends. I took my place next to my current BFF and began talking about whatever it is that 5 year olds talk about. Evil Ballet Teacher yelled at me to stop talking and to work on my turnout or something. So I tried to focus on my ballet skillz building, but soon had more things to share with my BFF. Evil Ballet teacher had apparently lost her patience with the FIVE year old not showing proper ballerina behavior and locked me in the closet for the remainder of the class. Yes. Locked me in the closet.

During my time in the dark closet, I let my dream of being a world renowned ballerina die. I was released from the closet knowing I would never learn how to spin properly. I would never learn my positions. I was instead faced with a life devoid of grace. A life filled with monkey attacks, falls of the diving board, barbed wire collisions and many trips and falls.

See what has become of me Evil Ballet Teacher!

CTRL + Shift + S

Okay, here is something that really bugs me. The Save As function. It is Ctrl + Shift + S in most programs. But then there are the programs that don't have the shortcut key function. This really, really bugs me.

The program I work in 85% of the time does not have the Save As shortcut key. This ticks me off. I am a keyboard kind of person. I don't like having to move my mouse if I don't have to. I really despise having to move the mouse up to the menu, click on File, then click on Save As, then type my file name. I have to save and rename about a hundred different files today. It would be so convenient to just hit a few keys, add a number and press Enter. But no, Captivate is doesn't allow me this luxury. Macromedia makes Captivate. All of the other Macromedia programs have the shortcut key. Why does this one not? Is Macromedia out to get me, first with the evilness that is Flash MX 2004 and now with the stupid missing Save As shortcut? Why!!!!!

There should be a shortcut key standard requirement or something. I just want to Save As!!!

Macromedia,
How you test my sanity,
Just let me Save As.

Conundrums. Plural.

I have a bit of a conundrum. First, the spelling of the actual word conundrum baffles me a bit. The spelling doesn't seem correct, but Microsoft assures me of its accuracy. Hmmm...

Second, I am about to make a major audio purchase. Yes. For those that know me well, this is a HUGE step for me. I have a real problem parting with large chunks of money for one item.

Now, I will spend 300 dollars on clothes, shoes, CD's and/or various things for the house without a thought. I mean, a hundred dollars on round one of grocery shopping? No big deal. But to spend 150 dollars on a single item freaks me out a little. I can't get past the thought of how many chocolate martinis and sexy shoes I could buy with that wad o' cash. So, instead of actually sucking it up and buying a new stereo w/ an actual CD player for my car, I will buy a DiscMan or something. Problem is, CD players don't have a long life span around me. Just last summer, I went through 4. No kidding. Sometimes, admittedly, they were cheapo pieces of shit. But other times, I actually invested a chunk of money in them. So, for what I spent on 4 CD players that summer, I could have had one kick ass stereo in my car. But I just couldn't do it.

But, now the time has come when I think I need one. I am sick of the wires. I am sick of the skipping. I want a real CD player in my car. Mind you, I know NOTHING about car stereos. I don't understand the obsession with speakers and amps and subwoofers and tweeters and bass and all that other crap. It just seems loud to me, something I don't particularly enjoy. I prefer my music to be at a nice volume where other things like my passengers and cell phone can be heard. So fancy schmancy speakers and such are lost on me. So I want something simple that will play my CD's and keep me in music. I would like a remote if possible, but that is not a requirement. I went to Circuit City today and checked out the selection. I was shown a nice Pioneer stereo. It seemed nice and has MP3 playback. That really intrigued me. I could put all of my random songs on a few CD's instead of the myriad of mix CD's that currently litter my car. But being that I have a stupidly shaped car or something, I would have to pay for all of these extra parts to make things fit. Bringing my total to close to 200 dollars.

Then I saw it. Right below the stereo in question. An iPod mini. All pretty and silver, beckoning me with its similar sticker price. Is the Mini what I really need? I could have all of my CD's and random song in one centralized location. I could take the Mini with me everywhere I went. It could come to the gym. It could come on road trips. It could go to the beach. It could hang out in my apartment. It could come to work. It could go anywhere I wanted it to. Without a case of discs. This is very intriguing. No CD's. Just music.

But what about my CD's. Won't they be sad to be banished to the closet? I can just pop a single CD in and get all of those songs whereas the iPod would require a bit of searching. And searching while driving is probably about as dangerous as checking my email while driving (shut up, I am a nerd who needs to be in touch at all times). Also, if I don't have a stereo, my passengers can not share their music with me unless they had an iPod with them. They could share the new Weezer with me.

So I am torn: a new car stereo or an iPod Mini? Advice?

Preschool Expulsion

So, I was reading this article on MSNBC today. It is about how the expulsion rate of pre-schools is drastically higher than that of "regular" schools. It is about the most over-indulgent article I have read in a long time. The point of the article is that pre-schools are just willy nilly expelling this poorly behaved children from their voluntary institutions for innocent things like biting, kicking, destroying computer equipment, carrying marijuana to class. Oh yeah. Heaven forbid that we discourage toddlers from bringing sacks of weed to the playground. And biting and kicking, well that is just these little darlings getting to know each other, right?

I am single. I don't have kid, nor do I exactly want one in the foreseeable future. But really, is it such a shocker that owners of pre-schools don't want to have to constantly discipline these terrors, often at the expense of their other well-behaved paying students? If I had a child that was constantly getting kicked, bitten or otherwise hurt by some other child at a place I was paying to send my child, I would be HELLA pissed and want them expelled, too.

I know that sometimes kids are just bad. And that really sucks. It is sad. But oh well. Either your child is going to have to obey the rules like don't stab fellow students or you will have to find some other child care option. I know that sometimes nothing can be done to make the child behave, but should the preschool and the other children and teachers suffer for this? I don't think so.

As pointed out by the Phantom Professor and USAToday, we as a society are so intent on making sure that every child be constantly praised and accepted that we are actually crippling our children. Scores and grades should be earned. If someone is working harder and doing better, they deserve praise. But to give away grades, trophies, or whatever just for participating, it lessens the actual accomplishment by the real winners. And the same with expelling kids from day cares. So what?!?! It is a PRIVATE facility. You pay for your child to go there, as does every other parent. So why should one child be allowed to misbehave without consequence. If all other venues have been explored (time outs, redirecting, death glares) and exhausted, then maybe the child needs alternate care. What about the good kids? Don't they deserve to come to a peaceful school each day? Don't they deserve to play without being bitten? Shouldn't they have working equipment?

Whoever the controlling forces behind articles such as the MSNBC one are, they really need to get real. Public schools often CANNOT expel the students that so badly need to be expelled. So of course the private facility will have a higher expulsion rate. And if children aren't being taught at an early age what is and what is not acceptable behavior, when will they receive such teachings? If good behavior is established earlier in life, it will make life easier for everyone in the long run, including that of the terror in question.

Why are we as a society so afraid to say no, that is not acceptable? Remember when we were kids? I remember corporal punishment. I remember detention. I remember actually working for grades. What has happened to the world? I think we grew up to be pretty good people. Why are we now forgetting what kind of structure made us such people? Maybe some kids DO need to be left behind.

Is it better to be a dumb person and have things given to you, while not realizing what an idiot you are, or is it better to be smart and pissed of that the idiots are getting it so easy?

The L Word

So, I have begun the first season of The L Word. I am liking it a lot. It shall fill the void until the start of the final season of Queer as Folk. But watching it has gotten me thinking about which of those ladies I would be interested in if I were a lesbian and which ones I identify with.

If I were a lesbian, I would have my heart frequently broken by Shane. Time and time again. I identify with Dana and Alice a lot. But mostly Dana. She is such a nerd. It is awesome. She is so hopeless. She reminds me so much of myself. Of course, Alice's desperate search for love is quite familiar also.

So, if you were an L Word lesbian, who would you be?

Lesbian voice

So, I was on the phone with a gym, finding out about fees. At the end of the conversation when we were making plans to meet tomorrow, the guy said, "Oh, and if you want to bring in your girlfriend or a friend, or a coworker or something, feel free. We can set them up with a 2 week pass."

Girlfriend?

See, normally, I would think that he meant my girl-friend. But then he said friend right after, making the first classification seem romantic/physical in nature.

Do I come across as lesbian over the phone? My voice is a little deep due to some unfortunate allergy problems. But I didn't think I sounded lesbian. I was watching The L Word the other night, and I don't recall those ladies sounding especially mannish. Or a distinct/distinguishing voice characteristic or anything. I mean, yeah, Shane (to whom I am oddly attracted) does have a low voice, but I don't think that she necessarily sounds lesbian, nor do I necessarily sound like her.

So tell me, dear readers, do I sound lesbian?

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Disconnected

Since my mom passed away (geez, I am tearing up just typing it), I have felt really disconnected from everyone. It is hard to explain. I mean, I see people. I hang out with people. But I don't feel a part of things. That isn't to say I feel excluded or anything. I just feel out of place. Like that is a life I am not really a part of anymore. Like I just don't belong.

You know how it is when you go to visit old friends or family and they are living this life without you? It isn't necessarily bad. It just is.

That is kind of how I feel everywhere. Even here in Dallas. Which, in a way, sucks since this is currently my home. But it doesn't really feel that way. But I don't necessarily feel draw back to Pineland. Or Austin. Or anywhere. I just feel like I don't belong. I am homeless in a sense.

I feel sort of abandoned even though I am not. My friends have been wonderful. My family has been great. I have a phone full of people that I know I can call at any time. And plenty of people call and visit me. In fact, I am straining to remember the last weekend I spent alone. So, my feelings of abandonment, displacement, whatever are crazy, right?

What is missing other than the obvious? Am I craving an intimate relationship? Am I wanting a deep friendship? Do I need a BFF? Do I need to meet new people? I don't know. I am very confused.

It all makes sense now.

Okay, this is probably a bit of an overshare, but I know that my female readers can relate.

So, this week, my moods have been all over the place. I am crying for no reason. The Bitch will come out in full force. I am distracted. I get irritated easily. And I am eating Thin Mints. First, I don't even really like Thin Mints. And this box has sat in the pantry for a good 2-3 months, untouched. I ate the box in the span of two days.

But today, I discovered that I was, in fact, not losing my mind. I simply had PMS.

So, if I was mean or grouchy towards any of you, it wasn't my fault. You know, I used to think those women who killed their husbands in a PMS rage were full of shit. But now, I can see how that could happen. The inability to open a combination lock sent me into a suicidal downward spiral. I can't open this lock...My life is meaningless...I should just end the misery now...Waaaahhhhhh!!!!

Bounce back

So, this morning, I was thinking about shows that had a great first couple of seasons, then dipped down, yet in the end made a comeback. But I could not actually think of any. Is this possible? Felicity is the only example that might work. It never got back to season 1 glory, but season 3 was a big improvement over season 2 (it wasn't the hair's fault!)

Can anyone think of a show? Help me. Give me hope. Cause I really want Alias and The OC to get back to their former greatness. Surely they have not really gone the way of Smallville.

Superheroes

So, I was reading the MSN article about best superhero costumes. They were not big fans of Wolverine not wearing the yellow spandex. But if you really think about it, why would a mutant who wanted to keep his mutantness on the DL wear Look At Me Yellow? Wouldn't he stick with basic black to blend in to the background more? And what kind of stealthy attacks could be made in yellow? Stripes on the road and school buses are yellow for a reason: they are meant to be seen. Gambit got to wear neutral colors. Why wouldn't Wolverine?

And even in the rest of the comic book world, the heroes that wished to remain out of the spotlight wore darker colors. Whereas the famewhores (Superman, Spiderman) wore Look At Me colors. Say what you will, but those two were definitely famewhores. They would totally go on like the Super Surreal Life. Who else would be on that show? Probably the Hulk with all of his rage issues. The Huntress has some daddy issues, so she might be on it. Robin maybe? There would have to be some bad guys. Who would be good? No way Catwoman would do it, though she would be totally awesome. What about Evillyne? Or is it Evil Lynn?

Where have all the Swifter Sweepers gone?

Seriously. Swifters were all the rage a few years ago. They sponsored Trading Spaces. But where are the now? The other night, I was having a few shots with a friend. And by a few shots, I mean we drank a bottle of rum. But we were actually going through the formality of taking turns going to the kitchen to pour the shots. Then the pourer would bring the shots into the living room, dripping and spilling along the way. Now, there are spots of stickiness here and there. I truly hate mopping with the large quantity of soapy water and the wetness and the inevitably needing to walk across the room you just mopped and the waiting for the water to dry. Basically, it is the only thing I hate more than vacuuming. Which is why the Swifter would be so great. I know that it isn't the ideal thing for all over, down and dirty cleaning. But to get a few droplets of rum off my floor, it would be perfect. So I have been to 3 stores now, including Wal-Mart, in search of this handy-dandy contraption. There are none to be found. Not even the Clorox Wet-Jets. No ready-to-go mops at all. What happened? Were they taken off the market? Why? Were children choking on them? Were lab rats dying from the mopping? I don't get it. Does anyone know? I really need to get the sticky rum up and REALLY don't want to break out the mop. I hate mopping.