Hair

Dear Man,

There are so many wonderful things about you. You are strong in both body and heart. You can reach things on the top shelves and open stubborn jars. You change the tires on the car because you know that we don't want to (we can, we just don't want to). You command respect from repair people.

There's still more. The conversation is nice. Any hugs you give are happily received. You normally smell pretty good. You are pleasant to look at. You are smart and funny. Needless to say, we are big fans.

There is only one thing. It's the hair. Long hair, specifically. We don't like it. There are a few rare instances where it is tolerated, but overall, no. Don't. Please. Cut your hair. We like short hair. We like hair that we can touch. Clean, short hair, that is what we want. Don't listen to your guy friends that say that your hair looks really cool all long and shaggy. While they might like it, they aren't going to be making out with you. We don't want to make out with someone that looks like a yetti. Really.

So, please keep your hair cut nice and short, because that's what the ladies like. We promise. Nothing makes us happier than seeing our man with short, clean, neat hair.

Next time, we can talk about appropriate facial hair.

Love,
Women

A Fury Like No Other

I am experiencing a fury like no other right now. I have had a house guest for the last week that wanted to move in with me. Upon further consideration, I decided this was a very bad idea indeed.

I broke the news that he would have to find somewhere else to go. I just cannot take care of a jobless, car-less, homeless, phone-less child right now. Blinded by guilt and kindness, I lent him my car while I went out with some friends.

I return home and he is not there. I get ready to go to bed, and he is not there. I wake up this morning at 5:30. He is STILL not home. He does not return until after 6. Six 'clock in the morning! Who keeps someone else's car out until 6 in the morning KNOWING they have a very important meeting that morning that they cannot, cannot be late for.

But that isn't the worst part. Also tagging along behind him is an insipid raccoon eyed slut.

That still isn't the worst part. The boy attempts to explain his actions. Not actually even apologize, just explain. I informed him that since he apparently cared so little about me and my property and since his friends and partying were so very important to him, that he could find his own way to Tulsa (where he is apparently going to move now. I was supposed to return him to his parents this weekend, but not so much now) and his friends can take him in. He silently walked into the guest bedroom to Raccoon Girl. I assumed he was getting his things together.

I get ready to leave, fling open the door and turn on the lights. They are in bed together. Still not the worst part. I said, "You have got to be kidding me. Do you really think I am going to let you two stay here in my house? Get your stuff; get out." He asked if I thought I was being a little ridiculous. The rage exploded. I replied that ridiculous is keeping someone's car out until 6 in the morning. Ridiculous is imposing on your friends and then disrespecting them. Ridiculous is thinking it would be okay to bring some skank to MY apartment. He huffily said that he would be out in 30 minutes.

I stalked out of the apartment, already running late due to this. Here comes the worst part.

I open my car door and am nearly knocked down by the cigarette stench. I storm in to the apartment and practically scream that I cannot believe he smoked in my car and did he have any respect at all for people that were helping him. He SMOKED in my car. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I do not like smoking. I definitely do not allow in my current car. The car belonged to my mother. Out of respect to her, I do not let anyone smoke in it. I want to keep it smelling nice and clean. It is ruined. I emptied half a bottle of Febreeze in it, but the car still reeks of stale smoke. My hands are now wiped of him, and my locks shall be changed.

A fury like no other.

A Sense of Confrontation

As you get older and your mind develops, you develop more senses. Well, that is senses such as a sense of humor. A sense of responsibility. A sense of self. Those senses. I think all of those are developing quite well in me after almost 28 (eep!) years. But the one that is not developing is a sense of confrontation. I am HORRIBLE at confrontation. I get all nervous and far too worried about hurting my opponents feelings.

So basically, I avoid. I hide. I run away. More often than not, I make myself fairly miserable in the process. I really need to work on this. Is there some sort of class I can take? Is there some highly confrontational person out there that can give me some lessons? Maybe there is some sort of manual? Maybe some charts and diagrams I can view?

Characters We Never Really Needed

Why do shows feel the need to introduce unnecessary characters? Especially in their final season? Why not focus on the original cast for your swan song? Why bring in the Cousin Oliver? And now, the list...

Characters We Never Really Needed

1. Orko - He-man. Really. He was just annoying. The show had plenty of levity without him. And, what was he anyway. He appeared to be just a floating robe, hat and gloves.
   
2. Scooby Dumb - Scooby Doo. Um, it isn't like Scooby was exactly a rocket scientist.
   
3. Kennedy - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Final year. A much beloved character has recently been killed off. Instead of focusing on the core group and how this chapter of their lives would end, they brought in a multitude of slayerettes. Okay, I will let that slide. But to bring one of them into the thick of the story AND make her the love interest EVERYONE hated? Why?
   
4. Werewolf Girl - Angel. Once again. Final year. Beloved character loss (well, not so beloved toward the end). Does this show choose to learn from the mistakes of its predecessors? Nope. It brings in a USELESS and thoroughly uninteresting character as love interest. She was so boring, that I don't even remember her name.
   
5. Graup - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Baby brother half-giant? What? The book had plenty going on. Evil Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Quittich bans. AWOL Dumbledore. Idiot Minister of Magic. Rise of Voldemort. Return of the Death Eaters. Tonks. The real Mad Eye. Prophetic dreams. Occlumacy (I misspelled that, I know). Cho and Harry. The DA. So much going on in this book. Graup was just a waste of pages. He didn't really serve any real purpose. He was introduced so close to the end of the book. Why? If he was so great and important, why not work him in earlier? Instead, it is almost like Rowling forgot she was supposed to have given Hagrid a brother. A completely useless brother. Sure, he sort of saved Harry and Hermionie, but that could have been done other ways. I was filled with anger and frustration after reading his tacked on chapter. And then, in the new book, he is mentioned twice perhaps?
   
6. Avery - Felicity. Really? What was the point of Avery? I know they had to give Felicity and Ben some drama, but I think it could have been done better.
   

I am interested to hear your thoughts on more thoroughly useless characters.

Morning Smiles

I woke up late today. I didn't have time to wash my hair. My milk went bad. The skirt I planned to wear was extremely wrinkled. I couldn't get the lock to the laundry room to unlock (I hate the spinny combination locks). I can't find anything to take for lunch.

I tuned my TV to the music channels to add some background nice to my very quiet apartment, hoping to wake myself up a bit. Then the song came on. The song that would cut through my foul morning mood. The song that would make me erupt into giggles: "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. Really, can you be moody when such a ridiculous song is playing?

Top Seven Ridiculous Songs That Make You Smile In Spite Of Yourself

1. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
2. Mmmmmmmmm - Crash Test Dummies
3. Tie Me Kangaroo Down - Some crazy Aussie band
4. Red, Red Wine - UB40
5. Baby Got Back - Sir Mix Alot
6. Rico Suave - Gerardo
7. Ice, Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice

Some Things Never Change

Wow, some things just never change no matter how much time passes. Can you believe kids still give each other rabbit ears in pictures in this day and age?

Britney Spears

I am just going to come out and say it. I think that Brit's current size has less to do with a potential egg splitting situation and more to do with Cheeto overload. Brit? Frappuccinos have like a thousand calories. To put it in perspective, Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Ritchie probably consume less than that in a month. Combined.

I might puke.

So, Special T and I went out for sushi tonight. She was very clear from the onset of the evening that she would under no circumstances would she be putting out. You really have to respect that. We went to Mint. Mint is probably one of my favorite restaurants EVA! Not only does it have tasty food and to die for desserts (both the sticky rice and the green tea cake are AWESOME), but is also close to my apartment. A major perk!

So, I had 1 and a half spring rolls with lots of peanut sauce, a Philadelphia roll and half a bottle of wine. I chose to forego the dessert this one time, but still feel like puking. Sushi is so small. How does it make you so full? Really?!?! Like 4 tiny pieces make you feel that you should seek out your fat pants. I just found 5 bucks in my fat pants. This has been an excellent evening.

I might be a little drunk.

My River Trip

I went on the River Trip last weekend. Only I had a BLAST! I lost the Dallas peeps early on, but fun was still had.

Actual conversation while buying "supplies"

Alcohol count:
Jello shots - 75 - 100

MAV: *stares at the extensive beer selection* So, what are we going to drink today.
Group: Bud Light, Coors Light, not Budweiser, not Miller.
MAV: Coors Light sounds good to me.
Mason: Yeah, let's go with Coors Light *grabs 2 cases of beer*

Alcohol count:
Beer count --- 48
Jello shots --- approximately 75 - 100

Brian: You think 2 cases. (means, that much?)
Mason: *studies cart* I don't know if that is going to be enough for everyone.
Chris: Get another. Let's go with a case of Bud Light.

Alcohol count:
Beer count ---- 72
Jello shots ----- 75 - 100

Mason: Okay, dude. Hmmm.... I don't know, maybe we should get another case.
Amanda: That's enough. Let's go.
Mason: *worries to himself* Maybe we should get a bottle of liquor. I don't feel right going down the river with so little to drink.

Final count....
Beer, 72;
Jello shots, 75 (with GOOD liquor);
Food: 2 packs of beef jerky, 1 apple, 1 banana

Number of people in our group that could have passed a breathalizer: 0

It was a blast. Don't remember chunks of the weekend. Apparently was sending and receiving drunken text messages. We went to Bar C lona down on 6th Street Friday night. SO GOOD! Try it next time you are in Austin. It is downstairs and is all red and grey. Very, very cool. Might be my favorite bar right now. Only drawback is limited seating.

My only complaint of the weekend was that we could not get any girls to flash us for Jello shots while on the river. I don't know what the problem was. Amanda and I tried really hard. And we had some pretty good looking guys with us. Don't understand. Usually we can't get the boob baring women to go away.