Team Work Sucks

Many of you have heard me tell of my continuing saga of working with contractors at my job. I am the lead developer on my current project which means I am supposed to delegate out work and verify that everything is looking good and fits together. Well, to "help" me on this project, I was given J, the contractor with attitude. I don't know if the attitude is because she pretty much LIED about her skill set or because she is a teacher and from what I hear they are crazy or because she is much older than me. Whatever it is, working with her has been infuriating.

Conversation 1
MAV, in initial project meeting on Thursday: Okay, so I will look over the course and get a framework put together. I will email you with what sections I want everyone to work on and when they are due.
J: Okay.

Monday
MAV, in email: J, I need you to do sections 0 and 2. I have put the text and placeholder for graphics. You will need to create graphics for each of the screens. Please look over the following courses we have previously worked on to get a feeling for the look we are going for and what the client generally wants. (then I list about 5 links). Also, here are the links to graphic sites. Oh, and here is a DVD full of official graphics.

Much later that day...
J, finally responding for the first time that week after several emails and phone messages: So, you want me to do what?
MAV: Sections 0 and 2. I have the framework done. You will just need to add graphics and do some clean up.
J: So, you want me to finish this for you?
MAV, seething: No, remember I said I would assign sections. These are the sections. However, I have already done some of the work for you.
J: Do you have any employee graphics?
MAV: All the graphic we have are on that DVD.
J: Oh, that doesn't open.
MAV: *considers reaching through phone and throttling J
MAV: When are you coming into the office? The are too many files post or email.
J: Oh, I can't make it in until Thursday.
MAV: Hmmm... well, the project is due on Friday. We really need to make sure that we are not making frantic changes at the zero hour. Please post your work as soon as you are finished so I can be checking it.
J: Okay.

Wednesday
MAV: Hi J, it's Wednesday, and I am not seeing your files on the server. I really need them so I can make sure everything is going well and see where we are production-wise.

Hours later
MAV: J, it's Kelly again. Really need to have you post those files.

Two hours later
J: Here are the files. I was working on them all night.
MAV: Okay, I will check them out right away.
DIVA: Hey, are those Joanne's files?
MAV: Yes, let's look shall we.
MAV & DIVA: OMG!!! THESE ARE THE WORST GRAPHICS EVER! WHY DID SHE DO THAT?
MAV: I told her exactly what to do on several screens. Including sending examples. All she had to do was copy and paste.
DIVA: Did she have a preschooler or monkey do this?
MAV: I think so.

MAV: J, I got the files. They weren't exactly what we were looking for. Please look over these two courses to get a better understanding of our needs.

Next day
J: I was up until 3 in the morning doing these.
MAV: Let's have a look.
MAV: *hides shock really well*
MAV: Hmmm.... well, I was thinking more something like this. *shows example*
J: How do you do that?
MAV: Well, I do the masks in Flash.
J: Ah, I know how to use masks in Flash.
MAV: And, be sure not to do any sizing to the graphics inside Flash as it makes them all fuzzy and pixelated.
J: Ah, yeah, I know.
MAV: Okaaaaaaay.... Well, the rest is done with layers and masks in photoshop with some blurs thrown in.
J: Can you show me how?
MAV: Okaaaaay.... *gives elementary lesson*
J: Oh, okay. I can try that.

HOURS LATER
J: Here they are.
MAV: *almost chokes. The images are looking a little pixelated. What is going on there?
J: I am not sure.
MAV: *opens file* Oh, it's sized in Flash. That makes them look bad. You really should size in Photoshop.
J: Oh, okay.

Much later at production meeting
DIVA: We really need to set up a time for you to call in each day so we get a feel for your progress and where we are in the project. It is a very tight deadline, so communication is very important. J, what is a good time for you? When are you available?
J: Well, not until after 2.
MAV: *holds anger* Um, well, that is a little late in the day. Can you be sure to post all of your work the night before so I will know exactly where we are first thing in the morning.
J: Umm, okay. Oh, and can you please call me if you need to get anything to me after 5? I don't really check my email until 9 or so.
MAV: Yes, I can try, but it is really better to do these things via email so there is documentation and hard copies. It is just easier to send a list of things over email than to leave them on an answering machine.
DIVA: We really do prefer doing things over email. It is just more official.
J: Okay, I guess I can check it some more. Oh, yeah, by the way, I am going out of town the week after next for vacation, so I won't really be available then. And, I really need a few days to get things in order for that.
MAV: Well, next week, we are off Monday and Tuesday. So, you aren't going to be available Wednesday, Thursday or Friday?
J: Right.
DIVA & MAV: Okaaaay.

Later that day, again...
J: Okay, I think I have it right. Look.
MAV: Hmmm, still not exactly what I was thinking. See these screens? Use them and just replace the text.
J: Okay. Oh, and I can't get this screen to work. Can you do it?
MAV: Okaaaayyy.


And so on. Basically, this woman is incompetent yet thinks very highly of herself. I really don't know what to do. I could not be any clearer with what I need her to do. I am not in a position to fire her or discontinue using her as a contractor. So, does anyone have any advice? As it is, I am having to redo all of her work because it is just bad. Really, really bad. I am at a loss. I have never worked for someone that was this bad. Not only can't she do basic design things, but she is very difficult. She doesn't keep me updated. She doesn't follow direction. She doesn't read emails. What am I supposed to do?

Managers? Supervisors? Team Leads? Some advice?

Britney Stole My Hair

Britney stole my hair. That bitch.

Ball

I was discussing rejection with Z-Ho tonight. Not the cute boy doesn't like me kind, but the inviting friends to do things kind. We have friends that we are often inviting to do things but they alway turn us down. Eventually, I reach a point where I don't want to extend the effort anymore. I get tired of the rejection. Because that is how it feels after a while. You are supposed to be my friend, but you never seem to actually want to spend time with me. That doesn't seem right to me.

So, after a while, I just stop inviting you. You say no too many times, and you don't get included. I say after around 4, I just want to stop. I think that gives you enough opportunities to finish whatever it was keeping you from getting together with me the first three times. After 4, I am going to take my ball and go find someone else to play with. And we are going to make up an AWESOME game. It is going to be the best game ever. It is going to involve a rope and jacks, too. And then, we are also going to make up a secret, magical language to speak when we play the awesome game. And one day you are going to finally grace us with your presense, and you aren't going to know how to play. And then we are going to be speaking the new, secret, magical language which you won't understand. And boy are you going to feel bad.

Who you gonna call?

Do you know who you will call when you get arrested?

I have my people lined up depending on what city it is. The only problem is that some people just don't answer their phones when you call. How does that one phone call thing work? I mean, if no one answers, do you get to make another call?

In case you are ever in the situation in which a friend gets arrested, here is what you can do (courtesy of WikiHow)

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR FRIEND IS ARRESTED

It is 2 AM and someone you know has just been arrested. You know you need legal help. You do not want your friend to make a confession or be in a line-up or even get fingerprinted if it can be avoided. It is tough to know what to do or who to trust. Moreover, you do not know who will even answer the phone at that time of day. Here is what you need to know if this happens in the United States of America.

Steps

1. Find out where they are being held and by what police agency. Whether you get the call from a police officer or your friend, make sure that this is the first thing you ask. If you can, tell your friend or family member that you are finding him a lawyer and not to answer any compromising police questions until that lawyer arrives. In short, the 'name, rank, and serial number' response will do fine. Your loved one should always co-operate with the authorities but the less said about the reason for being arrested (even to you over the phone,) until a lawyer can do his job on your loved one's behalf, the better. The reason for this is not to hamper a police investigation, but to protect your loved one from unintentional further harm. Anything said can be used against your loved one in court, having a lawyer present is essential as a defense mediation between your loved one and the police department. Your friend must invoke his rights himself, only the arrested subject can invoke his rights.
2. Ask what the charges are and what time the arrest was made. Do not let your friend tell you what happened. The call is not privileged and it can, and probably will be, recorded by police for later use against your friend. They should just tell you the actual charge. If they cannot tell you without explanation, tell them that it doesn't matter, and continue to step three below. If the arrested is an adult, the police are not required to tell a friend or family member anything.
3. Tell your loved one not to make any statement or take any test and tell them you are getting a lawyer and not to do or say anything until they hear from that lawyer. (In some states, you have a very limited time or no right at all to contact a lawyer regarding alcohol testing. Also, in many states, refusal to take an alcohol test is treated as an admission of guilt and carries the same penalty as a test failure. If you don't know, ask the officer.) Only the arrested subject can invoke his rights; you can not do it for them.
   Select a criminal defense attorney. See the related wikiHow entries below for steps to take in finding one. Keep calling lawyers until you find one that either answers their phone or has an answering service that can reach them anytime, day or night.
4. Tell the lawyer that your friend is arrested and give as much information as you can. Ask that they immediately call the stationhouse and stop your friend from being questioned. Many lawyers will do this for free, but expect to pay at least $150-350 for that call.
   Gather as much money as you can to both pay the lawyer in court and to post bail. It is more important to get a good lawyer into the case early than to immediately get your friend out of jail.

Tips
Always keep about $500-$1000 available without having to go to the bank. Most minor crimes and traffic violations can be bailed out from the stationhouse through the use of a desk appearance ticket or a desk sergent's bail.

Do not feel obligated to stay with the lawyer who helps you the first night. Selecting a lawyer for a case long-term should be done with the accused person's participation. Tell the lawyer you found that you are using him for the purpose of securing your friend's rights only for the night in question. Do not sign a long term retainer.

Any legal fee for standing in at arraignment should either be a flat fee or should be hourly. Again, most criminal defense attorneys will charge between $150-$350 per hour. It will cost more in many big cities or urban areas. For example, many well known NY lawyers charge upwards of $600 per hour.

At the arraignment (the formal reading of criminal charges, and entering your plea) you do not have to use the lawyer that helped you get your loved one . A free lawyer is often available. However, it is better to have your own lawyer at arraignment if you can.

If you run into trouble finding out where your friend is being held and by what police agency, get ahold of a bail bondsman (see link below, how to make bail) as they are experienced at this, and can sometimes locate your friend faster than you using the same resources.

Warnings
Remember the best way to help your friend with the problems associated with being arrested is to avoid the arrest in the first place. Keep your friends out of fights, drink responsibly, drive responsibly, and help your friends do so also.

Police do not have to "give you your rights," and their failure to do so does not invalidate an arrest. They only have to give you your rights if they (a) arrest you and (b) ask you questions about the crime. Hence, tell your friend who is under arrest to plead the fifth.

An oral statement is just as bad as a written statement. It is always best to say nothing.
Do not worry if you cannot find an attorney to represent your friend in court without being retained. Some courts will not let a non-retained lawyer stand in at arraignment. The court must provide an attorney at an arraignment if one is requested, or give the accused time to retain someone before he is arraigned.

There are times when the best thing you can do for your friend or loved one is to let them deal with the consequences of their actions on their own. Spending a night in jail can be a real wakeup call for someone who is in need of one.

Oh Angie

Find what is wrong in this sentence.

"I love punk rock because it's honest and there's a lot of feeling behind it. Bands like The Clash and Matchbox 20 are great."
-Angelina Jolie uses “punk” rock to help prepare for a movie scene

Saved by the Bell

Hot!

The Dieting Grumpies

I don't know if this week has been so stressful and annoying because I am dieting, or if the stress and annoyingness of the week is making me not want to diet. Does that make sense? Is it the diet causing me to be grumpy or the stress? Or a combo? I don't know. But this is a really bad week to talk to me about working from home, complaining about how far you have to drive to work, or to not do the items on the punchlist. It is also a bad week to not catch onto themes in the punchlist. Seriously? Why am I having to tell a supposed professional to do the SAME thing over and over? Does he think I am going to give up? Change my mind? Grrr....

Rituals

There are some rituals that make sense: the barely awake stumble to the coffee maker in the morning, locking the door when you are far too drunk to actually remember that it needs to be done. However, my ritual probably makes less sense.

I like to sleep on the couch on the weekends.

It is strange, I know. I just enjoy it. I love being able to watch whatever movie or show I stumble across. I love just falling asleep right in my comfy position. I hate getting up and going to bed because as soon as I make the trek to the bed, I am wide awake. I toss and turn and question why in the world I cannot go to sleep when just moments before I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

So I like to fall asleep on the couch. Is that so weird?

Long Way Down

I hate this book. I really, really do. Books don't have to be all happy go lucky, good triumphs in the end for me to like it. I have enjoyed plenty of depressing books. But seriously, I could not stand one more moment of Nick Hornby's latest book. I did the audiobook equivalent of throwing the thing across the room. I hit the stop button with much anger. I could take no more.

I hated the majority of the characters. The situations just kept getting more and more annoying. I really wanted to throw all of the characters off the roof myself.

Why in the WORLD do people consider this to be their favorite Hornby book? Sure, the characters in "About a Boy" and "High Fidelity" were pretty selfish and quite the bastards, but at least it was entertaining. I just kept hoping the characters in "Long Way Down" would finally put themselves and me out of our misery. But over halfway through the book, there was no such luck and thus I had to quit the book. I NEVER do that. I suffer through the book. I will begrudgingly read a few pages a night until the thing is finished. But this time, no.

Perhaps it was because the book was in audio form. I don't know. All I know is that "White Oleander" was more enjoyable to listen to in the car, and that is saying a lot considering my opinion of that book. Ugh. I am so angry. That book has filled me with crankiness. Grrrr.

Phone

I left my mobile phone sitting on my desk at work. Does the abuse of this week NEVER end?

What did I ever do to you This Week? How have I slighted you? What have I done that makes you hate me this much? Huh, This Week? What? Did I accidently make out with your boyfriend? Did I buy the same top as you? Did I cut you off in traffic? What, This Week? What did I do? How can I make it up to you? Tell me, and I will do it.

I can take no more.

I am This Week's bitch. I am abused. Abuuuuuuuuuuused.

Friday Amusement

It's Friday. It's 4:00. I don't want to work. So, instead, I will share what I find amusing at the moment.

Does anyone else find the instructions for opening the Almond Hershey's bar really amusing? I mean, are there people sitting around, helplessly staring at their Hershey's bar thinking if only they could solve the puzzle of how to open the bar they could be enjoying the chocolatey, nutty goodness. But alas, they cannot.

Okay, dorky confession. I have a post file. It is a file that I jot down ideas for posts. Sometimes I write out the whole post, but for some reason save it for later. You know, if I am uninspired, but feel I should post. Or if I haven't posted in a while and DeliciousDish begins to harass me. Anyway, I have this note written down for a potential post: "Convo with Dish...ice." I have no idea what it means. I did once flash a gas station attendant in exchange for a bag of ice, but I don't think that is what the note was regarding.

The word flower as a euphemism for virginity. For example, I am trying to get past my irrational hate of Jared Padalekki (sp?) because he took Rory's flower.

Freak Toe

I stubbed my toe last night. I ripped the toenail practically in half. It really hurts. I don't want to be with only half a toenail on one side of my big toe. That will really unattractive. So, I have put a bandaid over it which serves the dual purpose of holding the nail on until it can grow a bit more and hiding the potential ugliness. But everytime I look down at my feet, it appears that I have one nailless freak toe. I really do not like my freak toe.

People. Ugh. (The Caps Lock Post)

I hate working with other people. People -- are the worst.

It actually isn't the working with people that I don't like. I will rephrase. I hate working with contractors. I don't know what it is about this company, but "they" cannot seem to hire contractors worth a damn. Seriously.

Take for instance the punchlists that are made after reviewing the course. Those? Are not SUGGESTIONS!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!!! What are they thinking? And when I give a list of changes that must be made to every screen? Also? NOT A SUGGESTION!!!! Or when I give you steps or instructions about how to do something? NOT A SUGGESTION!!! Let's see... I have been doing this for a year and a half. You have been doing it a week. Wonder who knows more about the subject? If I say that I want something highlighted in green? I WANT IT HIGHLIGHTED IN FUCKING GREEN! NOT YELLOW! NOT ORANGE! GREEN!!!!! And not highlighting it at all? NOT AN OPTION!!! I WANT FUCKING GREEN HIGHLIGHTS!!!!

I need the weekend.

Dane Cook

So, I have been listening to a little Dane Cook at work. Comedians and work are always a dangerous combination.

Here are two of my favorites so far:

The Nothing Fight
Making Up

I don't even like jelly!

Charmed

As I sit here avoiding leaving for work, I discovered something odd. The acting in Charmed was MUCH better the first season. By the last season, it was just AWFUL. How does that happen? Isn't it usually the other way around?

Word Verification

I don't like the Word Verification thing. I hate having to enter that random string of letters. Why can't it just be a random word like turtle or muffin or staple? My fingers don't want to type the random letters. They don't understand. In fact, I dislike entering the random letters so much that I chose not to activate the option. Sure, I occassionally have to delete some spammed comments, but those have gone way, way down.

So, I have a proposal for the good poeple of Blogger. You should allow the bloggers to set up an approved commenter list. That way, when certain people comment on my blog, as long as they are signed in, they can comment without verification. Just type and post. Now, strangers to the blog would have to enter the word (not on my blog obviously), but "friends" wouldn't.

Just a thought.

Dear Diary

Deer Dairy,

Oh my GAH! Did you guys know that Nick like wrote a song about me? Daddy told me that Nick like wouldn't have a carrear if we got devorced. Daddy said I would still be like a star, but Nick would like fade into obscer ... obscur ... obstetri ... nothing.

Anyways, like I was so sad that I went to Mystic Tan like every day for a week. They are like so nice there. They totally like me better than Asslee. Hee. Hee. Totally kidding.

So, I had to go to this awards show or premeer or something (I don't no. Daddy just comes over and picks out my clothes and then points me to the limo. Like no one is better at adjusting the girls than Daddy. He lifts and cups them the best). They had to really bind my penis down. Daddy promised we would get it taken off soon, but first he said that like Asslee (hee. kidding) had to get a new nose. Then like, she also got new pouty lips like mine. I don't know why she had to do that. Pouting was my thing. Daddy said I had to look like real sad after the devorce so people would like me better. But that pouting is hard and was starting to hurt. So Daddy let me get some lips like Miss Goldie Hawn (I love her!) so I wouldn't have to pout myself. I'm a celebrety you know. We can't be expected to pout for ourselves. Anyway, like then last week Asslee (ha) (kidding) went and got like some new lips too. Do you think it is like a little weird that Asslee is doing all of this stuff like I used to? I mean, she is like getting Mystic Tans and like got a new nose and like pouty lips and like she even had sweet Ken to die her hair blonde like me and then like she got some hair extensions like mine. But not the ones that I am gonna start selling. Those will be available this fall in KMart (Asslee (hah) USED to have the KMart account, but Daddy let me have it). Anyways, the tape holding my penis down is like hurting. Gah!

Do you like my shoes, Dairy? Daddy said the lawyer said that I had to start like wearing those shoes I like designed or whatever. He said that like we didn't want the same thing to like happen that did with those jeans people. Whatever! Like I was going to wear those jeans! They were like for fat girls! But anyways, I wore the silver shoes cause silver is really classy and this was like a fancy event and stuff.

Oh, Dairy. I forgot to tell you! DId you hear that Britnee is pregnant again? She is gonna like get so huge! That husband of hers totally grabbed my ass at the club the other night. I know! Like Oh My GAH! He smells like onions and cigarettes. What is that about? Anyways. I am like so totally winning. I am like so much hotter than Britnee now. And, I mean, sure Christina like got to perform at the movie awards, but whatever, cause like I was working on a MOVIE this year and didn't have time to do an album. And Mandy Moore was just on some TV show or whatever about like janitors or housekeepers or something. I don't know. LIke ever since Friends went off the air, like TV is real boring. Don't tell, but I totally didn't watch Seventh Heaven. Asslee said like we should watch that show since it like gave her like her start or whatever, but like I didn't. Even when she was on it. I mean, like there was a reason that Daddy quit being like a minister. It just isn't fun. Like seriously. ANd those girls were like real mean.

Well, Dairy. I have to go. Daddy is coming over and we are gonna go like bra shopping or something. I don't know. Whatever.

Kisses!!!

Jess

Measurements

I am really bad with measurements. Really bad. I can't tell you how far something really is. I am awful at guessing weight. I don't know how many inches or feet an object might be. Don't even get me started on Weight Watcher points. I am bad with measurements, and it is a problem.

Examples.

1. I was making a dessert and needed 4 tablespoons of rum and 4 tablespoons of coffee. So, I bought a small bottle of rum and 4 shots of espresso. This was not right, by the way. It was far too much and now I have a bunch of dark rum I will never drink.
2. I think everything is 10 miles or 30 minutes away. My apartment to Lakewood? 10 miles. My apartment to Sam Moon? 10 miles. My apartment to Grapevine Mills Mall? 30 minutes. Lewisville to Lakewood? 30 minutes.
3. I bought some globes for various lights in my apartment. I got a really cute one for my ceiling fan. Only problem is that the opening isn't large enough for a light bulb to pass through. The one I got for the wall sconce in the hallway is also too small for the fixture. No way would those little screws hold it in place.

I am really dumb when it comes to measurements (and a few other things).

Tressant Supreme

Grab Bag

I don't really have time to hash out a real post, so here is your Tuesday morning grab bag.

1. This picture cracks me up.



2. I find it really odd that dealers would lace joints with angel dust. It just makes sense financially. The buyer is getting more value for his money which really doesn't seem like the drug dealer way. Is the angel dust like a free gift with purchase?

3. Most of you have probably seen this already, but The Evolution of Dance is hiLARious. The guy is single. I must meet and marry him. Then everyone will squeel with excitement when we arrive at parties and bring the fun.