Hurricane Katrina

For those that want to help, the following are links to relief organizations that are working to help New Orleans and surrounding areas. If you haven't seen the images of the destruction, you should do a little search for them. It is surreal to see images of places you walked by less than four years ago. Many of New Orleans treasures are underwater or no longer exist. My heart goes out to those whose lives have been wrecked by this disaster.


Habitat for Humanity
Episcopal Relief & Development
United Methodist Committee on Relief
Salvation Army
Catholic Charities
The Network for Good
The Baton Rouge Area Foundation
National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster
B'nai B'rith Disaster Relief Fund
Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

I would have put a Red Cross link, but their site seems to be experiencing trouble right now. I guess they have bigger things on their minds than a web page.

I Don't Know That Kid

I was watching an old Bill Mahr stand up routine, and he was talking about marijuana. He was saying something along the lines of who crazy it is that people are always going on and on about the horrible consequences of drug use and how drugs kill and if you smoke pot you are killing kids. He went on to say that what about the BENEFITS of smoking pot? Isn't the "White Album" worth at least 10 dead kids? What about "Light My Fire?" Surely it was worth like 7 dead kids. And "Back in Black?" Definetely 17 dead kids.

So my question is, what album (influenced by alleged drug use) do you feel is worth the most dead kids? Keep in mind, you don't know that kid and without the dead kid sacrifice, the album would not exist at all.

I mean, there are several albums I LOVE. Is Nevermind worth a dozen dead kids? Maybe. Ten? Well, ten dead kids at least. And The Blue Album? At LEAST twenty dead kids. I could live with that.

You Just Don't Fit In

It is a lot harder to be a girl. All girls know this. The reason behind this difficulty is actually the girls themselves. When girls have it in for you, they won't hit you. They won't give you a wedgie. They will launch an all out psychological attack designed to leave the target a broken shell of a person huddling in their dark rooms wondering where they went wrong.

On the original Apprentice, The Donald dismisses his undesirables with a simple "You're Fired." Short. To the point. No room for argument or interpretation. On Martha's version, her hopefuls will be dismissed with a cutting "you just don't fit in." Ouch. The male version sends the message of poor performance while the female version is much more cutting. The unchosen one may have done a fabulous job and generated lots of profit, but really, did they fit in? Are the like the rest of the team? Wow, high school all over again. But, this time the torture comes with decoupage.

Punky Brewster

Punky Brewster has had a baby. Does this make anyone else feel really old and a little behind schedule?

No A/C Blues

So, for the past week, possibly longer, the A/C at our office has been on the fritz. It isn't so bad in the morning, but, as the temperature outside climbs to the triple digits, the comfort level of my office plummets. It's a relatively small office, but packed with computers and monitors all emiting waves of heat. Around 4 in the afternoon, the heat actually does become translucent wavy lines of torture. Not kidding here.

I really wish they would just let us work from home. I have all the software on my laptop, and my apartment is quite pleasant. Plus, I could have my workspace as brightly lit as I desire. Anyway, the point of this rant is that I got an email last night at 5:30 telling me that due to the extreme heat, we could wear shorts today. This does me no good since I left at 5:15 yesterday. So, I am stuck in my jeans and Bob Ross "Happy Trees" t-shirt. I mean, I look darned cute, but I am going to want to die by noon. Why did I not bring my bags with my to work? Why did I clean all the clothes out of my car last night? See, this is why I always have a ton of crap in my trunk. You just never know when you are going to need to do a quick costume change.

Road Trip Query

What is the craziest reason for which you have taken a road trip, and how long was the trip?

Mine would be a 2 hour (each way) road trip for barbecue sandwiches in college. But seriously, it was DAMNED GOOD BARBECUE. Now, the thought of driving two hours for a sandwich is absolutely absurd.

Quick Hits

Everyone else does this, so I thought I would do my Quick Hits.

I did 350 crunches at the gym on Tuesday. A new all time high. I am working my way to 1,000. At which point, I will allow hot Latin guys to eat grapes off my new firm stomach. I hear that some people's stomachs are actually inverted. Interesting.

My morning routine wast thrown off when I washed my face out of order. See, usually I shampoo, rinse, condition, wash face, exfoliate, cleanse body, shave, rinse hair. Today, I washed my face last. It threw everything off. I forgot numerous things including watering the plants, packing fruit in my lunch, applying eye shadow and brushing my teeth. Don't worry, 7-11 came through, and I was able to brush my teeth at work.

I have decided that September will be the month of writing. I shall attempt to write for a minimum of 15 mintues per day. I want to work on the novel I started last year and more random stories like the one of Phillip and John. Also, apparently I am supposed to write some Draco/Harry porn. Or Erotic Wizard Thrillers, if you prefer.

I am going to start working on web pages more. I want to redesign this blog, possibly moving it over to my own website yet to be aquired. I also want to make some more cartoons which The Diva and YayCoffee must help me write.

The Story of Phillip and John

This is the story of Phillip and John, two best friends who lived in the Forest. Phillip was a little man, not just short or small, but little man. So little in fact, that he lived in a mushroom. John was a raccoon and regular sized. He slept in a burrow like most other raccoons.

Phillip lived a happy life. Each night after he said his prayers but before he went to sleep, he would carefully lay out his clothes for the next day. He would lay his robe across the chair next to his bed and place his slipper halfway between the head and foot of the bed just in case he needed to get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water. He would turn back the soft fluffy covers of his bed and snuggle down for the night.

He would awaken with the sun each morning. Phillip would make his way to the bathroom to shower and brush is teeth. On alternating days, he would vigorously floss as dental hygiene was very important to him. He would return to his room and dress for the day. He would pull on his green corduroy jacket with the large brown buttons. He would step into his plaid short pants. He would move onto his socks and boots, pulling them on in the same order each time: sock right, sock left, boot left, boot right. The boots were soft brown leather with slightly curled toes. He would comb his short blonde hair and place his pointy cap on his head.

He would go to the kitchen and pour a bowl of raisin bran (regularity is just as important as good dental hygiene) and a large glass of orange juice while his toast was toasting. After breakfast, he would go outside to do his morning calisthenics followed by a short walk through the Forest.

After his walk, he would work in his garden, telling his squash about what he had seen on that morning’s walk. Once all the gardening was finished, it would be time for lunch. His favorite meal was black eyed peas with bits of torn bread mixed in. He had often tried to make a sandwich out of the peas, but had only had poor results. He also enjoyed fish a great deal, especially with several pats of butter and a drizzle of honey. Phillip would follow up his lunch with a small slice of pie.

By this time, John would have awaken and eaten his customary macaroni and cheese with a large glass of soda. John would groggily walk up to Phillip’s mushroom, and the two would take off for that day’s adventure. On Monday, Thursdays and alternate Saturdays, they would swim in the creek while John recounted his finds on the previous night’s hunt. On Tuesdays and Fridays, they would go for treasure hunts finding such useful things as shiny rocks, thimbles, rubber bands and pennies. Alternate Saturdays and most Sundays found the boys practicing for jump rope competitions or knitting. John’s knitting was often too tight and crooked but Phillip felt it was rude to point out more than once. After that day’s activities, Phillip and John would follow the path back to the mushroom while singing clever ditties that John made up.

John would return to his burrow for a quick nap before heading out for this evening hunt while Phillip would curl up in his fluffy chair by the fire and read while his dinner simmered on the stove. Phillip enjoyed having stews and soups for dinner as they were easy to prepare and could be eaten with spoons. After dinner and dishes, Phillip would make his way to bed to prepare for the next day.

One day just as the sun had begun to poke through the darkness of the Forest, Phillip was awaken by a Ruckus. He threw back the covers, slid his feet into the conveniently placed slippers and ran downstairs while trying to pull on his robe. He frantically looked around to see what was causing all the noise. John stumbled out of his burrow sleepily rubbing his eyes. All of a sudden a large metal monster appeared over the top of the hill and lumbered toward them, destroying the happy world of Phillip and John.

Compromise Yourself

I was watching the episode of Felicity where she starts following the list. It was when Ben was being all Ben and weird and overly guyish, so Felicity is given a list of Ten Ways To Win Your Guy Back and starts trying them out. Basically, she acts like she doesn't care all that much about Ben and their relationship, and he starts coming back around and acting cool again. She compromises herself and her feelings to keep him. She is getting what she wants, but the price is killing her. She wants to be happy and show love and get angry without worrying that Ben is going to bolt again.

The first time I watched that episode, while it was really great, it didn't really resound with me like it did tonight. I realized that I do the same thing. I am so excited that this guy likes me that I don't want to scare him away. So, I am very careful not to show too much love or give any signs that I am thinking about any sort of future. I am the Live In The Now Girl. It usually works, but I am just beat down and exhausted. Eventually, I will get tired of being Perfect. At that point, I will overreact about something trivial or just reach my breaking point. It usually ends in hurt feelings and tears. This is a pattern I see myself repeat quite often.

Each time, I tell myself that I must be truthful. I have to express my emotions. But in the end, I swallow my words, my feelings, my anger, my pain, my love and pretend to be FunKelly. I feel like most of the guys I have ever been with just want FunKelly without the messy emotions. While they know I am a passionate, feeling person, they come after me anyway. They want the good parts: the laughs, the jokes, the adventure, the sexuality, but they don't want the rest of the package. They just want the good chocolates. Why do these men keep finding me, and why do I keep letting them in? And if I do let them in, why do I hide? I know that I won't be able to do it forever, but I try just the same.

To most people, I probably seem very honest and up front about my feelings. But when it comes to man I love, I filter or even censor myself. Why is diluted Kelly so much more appealing? I keep thinking I am choosing guys that want full flavor, but they never do. I just don't understand.

And, I am probably not the only woman that feels this way. I am sure a lot of women out there do the same things. Why do we come with all this emotion, all these feelings if men in general don't seem to want it? Is it a programming flaw? Will evolution eventually fix this glitch? Will women start to feel less or will men be able to feel more?

Oh well, it's off to bed now. I am quite tired. Tomorrow, Felicity will start dating her "B-List" guy. I don't think I ever moved off the "B-List." I need an "A-List" guy. Maybe that is my problem.

Time Of Your Life

Just got back from the Green Day concert. SO. MUCH. FUN. It was quite possibly one of the most genuinely fun times I have had a concert possibly ever. I took my 14 year old nephew. His first real concert. It was just an amazing thing to share with him. Getting to experience this show with him. We just jumped up and down and clapped and pumped our fists and yelled until our throats were raw.

I think the reason why the show was so great was that they were so determined that everyone in the audience was having the best time possible. Lots of crowd participation required. Some concerts, while amazing, are more you just watching that person/band perform. At this concert, the audience was part of the show. We felt as important as any part of the band. Okay, maybe that is a little bit of an exagerration. I am sure that they were a bit more concerned that Tre Cool was there than me. But you know what I mean. It was just a really great, almost childlike fun. It was like being 15 again. I was bouncing up and down in my Chucks pumping the air like I was closer to 13 than 30. (Yikes! Bad thought)

Some highlights of the show:

An impromptu band was formed out the crowd. Billie Joe pulled up a young guy from the crowd to play drums, a guy to play bass and then spotted this guy in the crowd and asked how long he had played the guitar. The kid said 7 year. Then Billie Joe asked how old he was. Eighteen. Then he asked if the kid had ever gotten layed. Apparently, the answer was no. Billie Joe said, well tonight, you're gonna! And pulled the kid up. The kid runs at Billie Joe and gives him a huge, rather lengthy hug. Which Billie joe gets into, then he kisses the kid. Hilarious! So they play a song which was pretty good though not very difficult. After, Billie Joe stops the kid from leaving the stage and tells him he gets to keep the guitar. That kid is so going to be the shit on Monday morning! Then they bring the drummer back on. He has a of drumsticks in his hand which he is holding like they are gold. Billie Joe is like, hey man, we will give you back the drumsticks, don't worry. Just come over here. You. Are going to. Stage dive. The kid drops the stick and starts tightening his shoelaces. Bilie counts to three and the kid takes off running and goes flying into the air. It rocked. Poor bassist. He didn't get any love.

So at some point in the show, Billie Joe breaks out this sprayer. I don't think it was actually the type they have a the car wash, but that shape. Anyway, he is having a blast spraying the crowd then he spots someone in the crowd. He makes the crowd split to let this kid that was all of 8 years old come up onto the stage. He gives the kid another gun and they proceed to soak the crowd. Lucky kid.

As I said, there was a lot of crowd participation. During the middle of Longview, he starts getting the crowd to shout Heeeeyyyy Aaaayyyy. Then Hooooo ooooooh. Then Aaaaaawww. Then Mmmmmmm. At this point, his hand starts to travel down, then the mmmmmmms take on more of a sexual tone. The the hand goes down the pants and things get, well, enthusiastic. It was pretty funny.

During the encore, they played "We are the Champions." Everyone starts breaking out thier lights. However, cell phones are the new lighters. Instead of the crowd glowing yellow, the crowd had more of a blue LED glow.

Poll #1

What is your favorite high school movie?

A. Grease
B. Fast Times At Ridgemont High
C. The Breakfast Club
D. Clueless
E. Mean Girls
F. Other __________

I think The Breakfast Club would have to be mine, but Clueless is a close second.

THREE BOWLS

So last night, we went to Chuy's for Girl's Night. At first, I questioned why we didn't go there all the time. Tasty, strong margaritas, free queso, what's not to like. Two hours later, I knew why we didn't go there. I ate THREE BOWLS of queso. Not just queso, queso with ground meat, refried beans AND guacamole. THREE BOWLS. I wanted to die. I went home, layed on my couch and moaned for an hour. THREE BOWLS. By myself!!!!

I am actually a little proud of my gluttony.

Stalker Alert! Stalker Alert! Part 2

The stalker is back. For those that don't know about the stalker, read this. Anywhooo, after months of silence, mostly due to my not answering his calls and blocking his IMs, he has found me again.

On Monday, I am diligently working on some edits to my project. So very focused am I (and apparently channeling Yoda). All of a sudden a Yahoo! Messenger window pops up. Let me just say, this is a major flaw in the Yahoo! Messenger. It allows anyone, whether they are in your contacts or not, to IM you. I don't want just any schmo to be able to send me IM's. I am a busy girl. Anyway, so a message pops up from DarkLord2005 reading "Hey Kelly. How are you?" I, of course, write back, "I will never join the Death Eaters, stop trying." This got some laughs. Then I asked who I was really talking to. He answered Mike. Now, this was a bit confusing because I know a lot of Mikes and had recently attempted to get in touch with one Mike McCarver. So, that is who I thought this was. Witty dialogue about Harry Potter, comments about extended period of no contact. All things led me to believe I was chatting with GoodMike. Then some comments were made that started to make me think otherwise.

Turns out, it wasn't GoodMike. It was Stalker!!!!Mike! He had gotten a new screen name so that he could write to me without being blocked!!!! How insane is that!!! Now I have to block another of his screen names. Take a hint!

The House, Part 1

So, I am finding myself struggling to come up with interesting, funny material for the blog. I don't have many standard stories left. I began to think over the things I had done in recent years to see if there was a story in there. Then I remembered, THE HOUSE! Some of you have already heard this story, but it was pretty funny, if I do say so myself. So I am posting the original email I sent out to my peeps keeping them updated on the renovation process...

...the other thing that has me so busy is my new home. I am moving into my grandmother's old house. No one has lived in it since she died 8 years ago. But she wasn't a very diligent cleaner due to age and short stature. Two less inches and she would have been considered a little person. Many things higher than arm level were just never cleaned. And, the amounts of spiderwebs are really scary. But no actual spiders, so that is good, yet strange. Anyway, it is an old farm house. Probably built in the 20's or 30's. And for the last few years, everyone in the family has been using it as storage for any and everything. Let me give you a run down of the layout.

I am only using the back rooms. That is where the kitchen and bathroom are, and this will prevent me from having to heat and cool the whole house. So I will be making the back door my main door. Besides, I think I am allergic to the carpeting in the front rooms. Anyway, the back porch is a bit on the rickety side. Well, it will be motivation to keep my weight down so as not to cause it to cave in. Some genius left a box of newpapers and magazines on the back porch. They of course got rained on and have caused the floor beneath them to rot.

The kitchen is the worst room, at least I think so for now. I wonder if it was ever cleaned. The ceilings are probably 13 feet high (that's higher than a regular room, right?). Above the stove, there was years worth of grease splatters all the way to the top. I had to break out the Thunder Blast to get it off. Thunder Blast is the most amazing cleaner EVER! 20 year old grease comes off like it was nothing. 2 bucks at the Dollar General. Get some. Really, you will be astounded. Back to the kitchen. The top cabinets were pretty bad. Not as bad as the bottoms, but I will get to that. Anyway, they had this contact paper from the 70's in them. Thumbtacked to the wall and shelves. Hundreds of little green thumb tacks. Everywhere. During the great cleanout, my sister and I had found probably twenty half used packages of thumbtacks. We wondered why there were so many half used packages of tacks, but none in the wall or no corkboards to put them in. Now we know.

So, I got all of the groovy contact paper out of there and began the chore of cleaning them. Then I got to finally start painting. I did the top of the walls in this yellowy orange color much like that of Cheez It's. I guess I was a little hungry when picking out the color. The bottom portion is brick red. On the top part, we did a painting technique using plastic sacks. It was fun at first, but toward the end, up near the ceiling, it became less so.

Next I tackled the cabinets. I was really ambitious and took the doors off their hinges which I then stripped and spray painted. The poor things had been painted over at least 3 times. They needed to start over. I sanded all the paint ridges down. I then started the fun job of painting them. It actually wasn't too bad. Then I moved down to the lower cabinets and began removing them. See, everyone thought someone else had cleaned them. No one, of course, had. And at some point in time, there was a filth explosion. There was brown stuff splattered everywhere. We came up with some fun theories, the grossest of which was rats with explosive diarreaha. It was so weird. The brown splatters were mostly contained to the far right cabinets. There were some splatters on the far right wall, but nothing at all in the middle. And trust me, the middle hadn't been wiped down, possibly ever. So the mysterious brown splatters were removed, as well as more thumbtacks. Painting occured. Prettiness followed.

The bathroom will be the next room I work on. There wasn't ever a shower installed. Just a tub. And cabinets were placed above the foot of the tub. When we removed the cabinets, we realized that they were built into the wall. Well to be more precised, they were installed over some groovy teal wallpaper featuring a peacock and pink orchids, then sheet rock or something was installed around the cabinets. So, this will have to be fixed. While cleaning out the bathroom, we kept finding all of these bottles of shoe polish. Probably 20 bottles. And these people did not wear white shoes or decorate cars for game day. What was all of the polish for? That is coming up. Just keep thinking about it. Anyway, back to the bathroom. I am going to install new tile panels and fixtures. I am nervous, but I have watched Trading Spaces and Chris of Austin work, and I think I can do it.

What room next. Oh, the entry way. This is the wash room/ computer room, and probably my pseudo walk-in closet, as my bedroom is ill-equipped for this clothes and shoe horse. It has unattractive paneling which I am going to use to my advantage and turn into striped walls. The most fun thing about the entry room is the door facings. I noticed that they were browning from dirty hands returning from the fields. So I got the trusty Thunder Blast out and began scrubbing away. The more I scrubbed, the more white "paint" began to wear away. And it was strangely foamy. At first, I thought that my superhuman strength might have finally kicked in. Then I realized. It wasn't white paint. It was white shoe polish! Now I know where my habit of "touching up" my black attire with a Sharpie came from.

The bedroom is rather unremarkable. Although, I did discover that the rugs had been nailed to the floor. That will ensure that it doesn't move. Taryn is probably thinking about to doing that to her rug right now. Also, the bedroom is home to the one and only three prong outlet.

The last room is the former dining room, now living room. There were these cool black metal shelves, probably about 8 feet tall. Well, they rusted a bit at the bottom, and discolored the floor. While bleach has done little to fix the problem, I have high hopes for Thunder Blast. The dining room used to be home to a large freezer filled with mayhaws and turkeys. Andie and I managed to move that thing by ourselves into the old living room. We were very proud. Men were disbelieving. But my niece vouched for us. We actually just put the thing on some boards and pushed it on its "skis." Pretty smart, huh? My idea. Oh, the weirdest thing in the soon to be living room: exposed breaker box. It isn't built into the wall. It's just all exposed. With a large wire/cord coming out of. I think that the cord goes to the washer, but I am not sure. What I do know is that it is large and ugly. I think a ficus tree will cover it nicely.

Well, that is my future home. More tales to follow.

The House, Part 2

Part 2 of my house saga...

Well, the house is almost complete. I have some family coming in that haven't seen the house since I started the renovations, so the deadline for completion got moved up. It has been pretty crazy.

And for those who were wondering when it would finally happen, it has. The house broke me. It finally made me cry. Keep reading for the full story.

My uncle Jimmy, who is a genius and a God-send, came to take a look at electrical line and put in some new outlets. Well, while he was there, we asked if he would take a look at the plumbing. He went under the house to tighten something and all of the pipes fell down. So I had to get all new plumbing. Then I wanted to switch out the back door for another in the house. The back door was hanging crooked and had been shaved one too many times. Well, it was a different size than any other door in the house. And, they don't make doors that size anymore. So, a new door had to be installed and a new cutout for a new frame. It was like that book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". We tightened something the plumbing fell down. We fixed the plumbing, we discover the septic system is kaput. But all that is fixed now.

When whoever built the house put the sheet rock up in the living room, they didn't put any joint compound or tape at the edge of the sheets. So there were these nice cracks all around the sheets. So my sister and I texturized the walls and put a fresh coat of paint on them. But the old plaster kept coming off while we were working on the walls. It was very frustrating.

Next was the bathroom. Still. I don't know if I mentioned it, but putting paneling up sucks. Since the walls were these hard planks, everytime you would try to hammer a nail in, it would bend. There were so many crooked, bent nails discarded, you just had to laugh. I finally took to drilling guide holes for my nails. I am just not a good hammerer. I experienced the same problems in the living room. I tried to nail the linoleum in the living room back down where it had pulled away from the wall but did not experience great success. In fact, things were even worse in the living room. Every freakin nail bent. I could take no more and burst into tears. My mom and sister were laughing at me, not understanding how someone could have so much trouble with a nail. Hey, it was very hard wood. Carpentry is probably not going to be a fall back career.

The next room to do for the showing was the bedroom. It looks pretty cool if I do say so myself. Gold walls with reddish-magenta trim. And there was this little cabinet above the closet that had all these toilet seats. You never know what you are going to find. In fact, in this old, run-down shed, I found an awesome dresser with a big round mirror to match the furniture I already had. I am sure some of you remember my ugly brown furniture from Austin. Well, I refinished it. Sanded it all down and black distressed it. It is like a whole new bedroom suit.

Then, it was back to the bathroom. I found this shower curtain and decided that the coolness shouldn't be limited to the shower. So the fabulously talented sister duo copied it onto the wall. For those that have been to my apartment, that is obviously the shower curtain. But all those scenes of Paris and London that I am always drawing were Sharpied onto the bathroom walls. Pretty awesome! If anyone moves into this house after me, they are going to think I have very strange taste.

Well, the entry room didn't turn out like I wanted. Originally, I wanted to do blue and green stripes over the wood paneling. So I did a coat of white paint over the dark brown walls. Then decided that I didn't want stripes after all. It seemed like a great deal of work and besides, the rest of the house used reds, so I need to stick to the theme. Since I wasn't going to use the stripe idea anymore, I decided to fill in the paneling for a smooth wall look. No one told me that the joint compound would shrink. I put the joint compound over the gaps and smoothed them out. I left them to dry for a day or so and formulated my plan for the walls. Well, I thought, if I can't have stripes, then I can have fabulous walls anyway. I decided to add gold sparkles to the paint. I got a beautiful red color, dumped in the sparkles and set to painting. First, the paneling sucked up the wood. It looked like I had used watercolors instead of latex paint. Second, that filling in I did? Didn't work out so well. Due to the shrinkage of the joint compound during the drying process, the gaps were still apparent. But I didn't want to start over with the painting, so I decided to ignore the failure. I bought another gallon of paint and package of sparklies and set to painting again. Still not smooth. I bought another gallon. I mixed the sparklies but had to leave before any painting could begin. Well, sparklies have to be fresh. Once they settle into the paint, they become invisible. I did not know this either. But little matter, since once again, this gallon of paint had failed to completely coat the walls. Off to Lowes I went for yet ANOTHER gallon of paint. Yes. FIVE GALLONS of paint on those four walls. And it was the room that mattered the LEAST! In the end, it looked very nice.

Well, that is the end of my house renevation tale. Things I learned: hammering is hard, oil based paint sucks and takes DAYS to dry and ruins everything it touches, joint compounds shrinks, ceiling paint does not make a good primer, and, if it is ugly, paint it black.

Tut Tut, Looks Like Rain

Is this the most ridiculous or most awesome thing ever?

Fortune Cookie

Fortune Cookie from Sunday:

There is no greater gift than good health. Cherish it always.

That's pretty funny right? Good health? I found this wonderful advice in a piece of fried sugary dough! Which I got when I ordered Sesame Chicken. Nuggets of fried chicken in a gooey sugary sauce with a sprinkle of sesame seeds. Good health. Ha ha ha.

Damn hypocritical fortunes!

Queer as Folk

I am filled with an enormous sadness due to the conclusion of Queer as Folk. I know, it's ridiculous. But I am! I am so sad. Sad bordering on depressed. I want to see the further exploits and adventures of Brian Kinney. I don't think I have ever been so distraught at the ending of a series. Sex and the City? So over. Friends? Eh. ER? Oh, that's still on the air? Oopsy.

Queer as Folk was just so good! It opened up a whole new world to me. The characters and the actors were just superb. Many people can't see past the massive amounts of sex and drug use to the people below. Once you got beyond the Backroom of Sex and the willing corruption of the 17 year old, you were treated to this heart warming, heartbreaking, heart wrenching story about each person's struggle to figure out who they are and who they need to be. You get to see tremendous emotional growth in Brian and Justin. You get to see increasing confidence in Emmett and Ted. You see Jennifer and Debbie deal with life after their children (or sick brothers) are no longer dependent on them. You see Jennifer learning to accept and embrace her son's life.

Sure, the dialogue is Lucasesque at times and often times the writers go for the easy joke, but it is what is underneath that is so amazing. The actors (especially Randy Harrison and Gale Harold) have this amazing ability to convey so much with their faces and bodies. I mean, they are spouting absolute crap, but their eyes are telling the real story. If you haven't watched, I recommend you do so. Fast forward through the sex if you must. Call me or YayCoffee. We will tell you which are the important episodes/scenes and which you can fast forward through.

And the character growth! Amazing! Well, some characters at least. Brian and Justin are really all that matter, right? You see them grow from being selfish pricks to these thoughtful, caring men. Sure, they are flawed, but who isn't. Besides, watching well adjusted, perfect people would be boring. So many shows as they approach their end do not have continued character growth. Carrie was just as self centered and self destructive at the end of Sex and the City as she was in the first season. And the Friends? They had pretty much all became caricatures of themselves. But QaF? They just kept growing, kept adding layers. Even Hal Sparks managed to add a little depth to Michael, though Mikey will always be a whiny little baby in my eyes.

Plus, there were so many pretty boys too look at.

I am so sad to see my Queer as Folk go away. I shall forever have a Brian Kinney shaped hole in my television view heart.

Man Dies After 50 Hours Of Computer Games

A man in Seoul died from heart failure after spending 50 plus hours playing computer games at an internet cafe. I am guessing there are some that think that wouldn't be a bad way to go.

Dr. Pepper Hour

With the upcoming birthday, I am getting a little nostalgic. I kind of miss the carefree days of college. And in that spirit, I declare next Friday, August 19th to be the beginning of the All New Dr. Pepper Hour. Details of where this event will take place to follow, but we will have a large punch bowl filled with yummy Dr. Pepper floats. If you never experienced them at Baylor, then either you really missed out or when to an inferior school. But now, you will have a chance to join in on a great Baylor tradition.

Mmmmm, Dr. Pepper floats.

Mr. Housing Bubble

So funny. I want this t-shirt.

Four Days

Four Days

Appropriate Porn Viewing

Someone asked me a question about teenagers and porn. Seems the Boy Toy had left behind his extensive porn collection which his younger brothers happened upon. The brothers are now porn watching fiends. She asked what to do about the situation. I of course said that excessive porn watching is foul, disgusting and really lowers my respect level for the viewer. But, my dislike of porn has less to do with viewing sex as a sacred act and more that it is just so demeaning. Sure, they look like they are having fun, and Jenna Jameson and the others make it sound like the greatest thing ever, but I am sure that those women are in the minority. For every Jenna, I am sure there are twenty severly depressed, screwed up girls that are doing it because it is the only solution they see. So to watch them be manipulated for your sexual pleasure seems wrong to me.

But, I dislike porn for the same reason I don't like movies that make fun of fat people or midgets or mentally handicapped people. It is cheap, unimaginative humor. Gross out humor or slapstick humor just doesn't do it for me. This is the reason you will never see me watch a Chris Farley movie, despite my generation's firm belief that he is a comic genius. The misfortunes of others aren't really all that funny to me. Sure, I mock celebrities, but they are making the choice to be in the spotlight. You can be an actress or singer without courting the press. I just don't see how watching a woman have sex with multiple men is a turn on.

So, I told my friend all of the above and told her to ask her sons how they would feel if that were their sister or cousin or mother or friend on that screen. She was considering taking all the videos and burning them. I pointed out that such actions would be silly and benefit no one. She should totally put the big box o' porn on eBay and make some cash? Is it wrong for her to resale porn? Is that contributing to the problem? Someone else made the initial purchase, so the porn industry will make no more money from the subsequent selling of the videos. Besides, it gives me a little thrill that she is going to sell the Boy Toy's porn and buy herself something nice.

I am interested in hearing other people's take on porn. Are there any female readers that like it, and if so why? And how do you reconsile the sexual thrill with the fact that so many of the videos are so demeaning to women? That sounded really judgy. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, do you not see them as being demeaned or taken advantage of? Or do you feel they made their own choice and why should you feel bad about it. And how much porn watching is too much? And when is the right age to begin porn viewing?

Man, with all the mentions of porn and Jenna Jameson, my Google page rank is going to really go up.

Five Days

Only five days!

Seven Days

Only seven days!

Real World

I know, The Real World. A shadow of its former self. What was once a revolutionary show that documented real people dealing with real problems like HIV, homosexuality, racism, eating disorders, abortion, suicide, friendship and love has now been reduced to a frat party. I was apprehensive about the Austin season. On the one hand, I love Austin and was excited to see it on screen. I hoped that the world would get to see some of the cool things the city had to offer and get a more informed view of what life in Texas really is. On the other hand, I know that the Real Worlders don't tend to let their experiences extend beyond the nearest bar based on recent seasons. I doubt we will see these guys hiking in the Greenbelt or tubing down the river. They probably won't go to the Salt Lick or play disc golf. But it could happen. So I started watching. My worst fears were confirmed. They keep showing them going to the same lame bar. Seriously, there are a lot of cool bars in Austin (Speakeasy, Plush, Bar C Lona, Joe's Generic Bar, Red Fez, Whiskey Bar) but they go to a very, very lame bar. Maybe I am biased because one of my favorite bars ever used to be in that location but got shut down by those TABC bastards. Seriously best Surfer On Acid's EVER!

Back to the point. The once fascinating Real World's biggest issue thus far was whether two very attractive people would be able to spend on night apart without hooking up with someone else. Ground breaking stuff here. But then, last week's episode changed everything. One of the roommates arrived home to an urgent message from his dad. He called his dad to find out what was wrong and received the devastating news that his mother had died. It was very hard for me to watch. I am sure it was hard for most people to watch. To see someone receive such personal, heart breaking news seems so intrusive. Danny was very upset since he was so far away and didn't get to say goodbye. To make matters worse, their relationship was very strained due to his mother's alcoholism. The ever sensitive producers actually showed their last phone conversation where Danny's mother had called, obviously drunk, and he was trying to get off the call as quickly as possible. He didn't even return his mother's "I love you." Which harsh, but when your entire life has been spent dealing with this person's addiction, in that moment, he probably wasn't feeling much love toward her. Not to say that he didn't love her. She was just very hard to love. Now, he, his family and all his friends get to see that the last time he spoke to her he didn't say he loved her. She died without hearing it one last time.

That must feel absolutely horrible. I am sure she knows he loved her. I am sure he knows she knows. But to have to watch it and have that regret must be awful. So why was it shown? That was a very personal, completely unpredictable situation. Could the story have not been told without showing those two very personal moments? Couldn't confessional interviews with Danny and the rest of the cast have done the job with a little more sensitivity?

How real is too real? I know that the participants are volunteering to have their lives shown on TV. But he didn't know this might happen. What is being accomplished by showing him dealing with this situation? Is it helping the many people who have lost their own parents? No. Will it prepare people for that possibility? Probably not. Very few people will remember what Danny from Real World Austin did when he lost his mother. It serves no real purpose. I feel it is too intrusive. That is something I don't need to see someone else experience. I think that reality TV is going to far in its attempts to explore human nature. There are just some tragedies that we don't need to see others experience.

What's next? Will there finally be a program that actually shows the death of one of its cast? We see people ripped apart by heartbreak and loss for entertainment. Sure, they signed up for it, but did they really know what would happen? How it would truly feel? Even the most heartbreaking of fictitious movies is acceptable because it isn't real. That didn't really happen. Movies like Shindler's List and Hotel Rwanda are so gut wrenching and hard to watch because it did happen. You want to turn away and hide your eyes. And while the events are really, it isn't really happening at that moment. Ralph Fiennes didn't really just shoot that man for fun. But with reality programming, it did really happen. I just saw it.

Has it gone too far? How real do we need to get? I can handle seeing Buffy deal with her mother's death much easier than I can handle seeing Danny deal with the same thing. Because as poignant as The Body was, it was just a show. Buffy isn't real. Joyce isn't real. It isn't real. Danny is. And I think it is too much.

What are your thoughts?

Why?

I came home the other night to a strange surprise. Hanging on my door was a pair of pants. They were not my pants. I do not know whose pants they are. There was no note. Just the pants. They are not attractive pants either. High waisted, tapered leg nightmares. Why? Who leaves pants with no warning or anything? And while they are my size, what if they hadn't been? You just don't incorrectly guess a girl's size. Do that and a nice hissy fit is coming your way. Who leave pants? Why?

Cleaning time

Apparently, it is time for an iPod cleaning. The last 5 songs have been VERY disappointing. There were not at all what I wanted to hear. I am in another room and too damn lazy to walk in and skip to the next song. How did these undesirables get in there? Did they sneak in during an import of an album? Were the part of a TinyMixTape mix? Why were they being played?

Does anyone else have songs to pop up on their iPod that are just puzzling? Is iTunes sending stowaway songs to play unexpectedly?

Really, it is time to cast off the unnecessary to make way for the new additions.

Funniest Picture of the Week #2

I didn't think Fergie wetting herself could be topped. But, I think Samwise in a Speedo is actually funnier.

Funniest Picture of the Week #1

There are no words.

Gifts

So, I am trying to decide what to get YayCoffee for her upcoming birthday. I noticed a link to PersonalShopper.com on Fandango. I thought I would give it a try. It asked about YayCoffee's interests, her likes and dislikes and what sort of gift I wanted to get for her. I had to provide all sorts of information about her and her preferences. Here are the recommendations for the perfect birthday present for YayCoffee. If you know her, you will realize how funny these are!

Movies
Shall We Dance, XXX

Jewelry
Gold and Silver Turtle Pendant, Various Famous Poet charms

Music
Greatest Polka Hits, When October Goes: Autumn Love Songs, Britney Spears Toxic, Folk Music from Venezuela

Books
The Rise of the Tolkienian Fantasy

Oh, I laughed for a while about those. Which is better, the Folk Music from Venuzuela or the poet charms?

You will have to wait until Tuesday to see what you will be getting from the perfect gift list. Ha!

All About Me

So, this weekend was my All About Me party. However, the party actually didn't end up being about me. I was overshadowed by Duke, a guy that I had hung out with a few times in Nacagdoches. Normally, he is pretty cool, though admittedly my Duke exposure had been limited. I certainly had never been around Trashed Duke. While obnoxious and sometimes annoying, the great thing about Duke being at the party were the quotes that resulted.

"It is morally wrong to compress living people (into jewels). In fact, it is illegal."

"I want to paint you in neon paint and talk about Harry Potter."

"I'm better than 80% of the population."
"Are you saying you are better than me?"
"No, I never said that. I said I was better than 80% of the people. If you want to put yourself in that group, that is on you."

I don't remember more, though I know there were some great ones.

Yeah, sorry about Duke. Again.